Sometimes we’re the prisoners of our own past, handcuffed by the thoughts and acts we once committed to in the name of planning for a tomorrow that never came. We might be fortunate enough to move on and find greener pastures but one way or another all the texts we ever wrote without putting full stops at the end will want to be completed, all the promises we never kept and words we whispered into someone’s ears will want to be heard. Just like the sky keeps the clouds and grants the earth with the rain, the universe records everything we do and say under the sun or moon and it waits for rainy days so it could confront us with the answers for the ‘Whys and Hows’ bouncing in our heads. Chances are we would have forgotten about what we did to deserve such cruelty? This is a game of love, with no cards nor dice just heartbeats bouncing rhythmically to the sounds of the brain processing the promises made in different tones and touches. I want to shout and ask Nonhle what the fuck does she want! Believe me I do, but then again many years ago I stopped her when she was walking down the street from work and I told her I love her, I said I would bring her the moon and cross the Atlantic ocean just so I could see her smile, I held her close to the chest and begged her not to look any further because I was there and when I finally found love I left, celebrating my new love and freedom I forgot to erase all the future I asked her to paint on my behalf, yes I left without setting her free and that’s why she’s here, I assume. The door bell rings again I jump to hold the handle, still not sure if I want to open it or not. “Sakhile open the door” Fezile says, she’s visibly angry and very restless. “I need you to calm down let me handle this, can you do that?” I say, it’s not a big deal you know we’re adults after all. She just gives me a side eye. She needs to give birth now this pregnancy makes her ten times stubborn and a thousand times beautiful and a million times sexy… Damn Sakhile focus! I look at her before I turn to open the door slowly until it full opens.

Silence. It really is her, in a flesh standing at my door. “Hi” I say, I’m not looking at her eyes, Mahlangu advised me not to. “Hi” she says. There’s four guards standing behind her and I am sure AK ordered them to come here. “You’re here” I don’t know why I said that. “I’m here” she says. “Unannounced?” I ask, rude isn’t it? Silence. Fezile clears her throat in some ‘hellow I’m here’ kinda way, it’s introduction time “That’s my wife and the mother of my children, Fezile” I say to Nonhle, she nods. “Love this is Nonhle” I say to Fezile. Silence. This is harder than I thought, yes I did imagine them meeting in one of my wildest nightmares and it ended up in a cat fight. Not that it would happen in real besides Fezile is too classy to be cat fighting and she’s pregnant. “Hi Nonhle, good to see you I’ve heard a lot about you” Fezile says, that smile is fake she’s probably doing this to make it less awkward for the security guards than it already is. “Please excuse us for a minute” I say to them. “Actually babes there’s no need for that I’m sure Nonhle won’t be long” Fezile says, I turn to look at her she looks back at me, this is not a joke she’s dead serious. Her sarcasm is on another level. “Look I didn’t mean to cause any trouble” “Then why are you here?” I ask. I can tell she didn’t expect that question but she has to answer it anyway. “I went to the shops the other day to buy a new hoodie but they said it was limited edition and if I wanted to have one custom made it will cost me an arm and a leg, so I decided to bring back the one you gave me that day, I washed it too.” She says. You’ve got to be kidding me! She looked for me all around Umlazi because she wanted to return a hoodie? “What do you want Nonhle?” I ask, I could sound nicer but I’m not in the mood. The guards look at each other, Fezile has disappeared somewhere inside the house. “Nothing, I only came to return what is yours that’s all” She says. “Remember I told you that I was engaged?” She asks. Well I remember now. “My partner and I had a huge fight after our last encounter…” She points at she and I when she says ‘our’ , the guards look at each other again. “My partner says that for us to continue getting married and completely be with each other I must let go of what ever it is that is holding me back so that’s why I’m here to let you go” she says, so I’m holding her back? I hadn’t seen her in years before a few months back but for some reason I’ve been holding her back, my goodness! “Here this is for you” she stretches her hand to give me a plastic bag, one of the guards takes in and gets inside the house “Hang on, don’t put that thing inside my house. Open it let’s see. What if it’s a bomb or something like..” “Fezile!” I whisper, fair enough I told her that Nonhle bewitched me a long time ago but today is not the day to confront her about it. The guard pulls out the Hoodie and shows it to her and then me. I can see her dying inside, it hurts me too. “I’m sorry” I whisper again, she bought me this tracksuit and a pair of sneakers for my last birthday. I wore it to Mpumalanga because despite how that trip turned out to be my worst trip ever it was meant to be a special occasion hence I wore it. With the sudden change of plans when we got to the police station I didn’t even say goodbye to Nonhle let alone get time to take my hoodie from her. I thought she was going to give it to someone or a homeless guy even, that’s what I would have done. It seems like there’s more, the guard is pulling out a book? No, it’s a photo album “I got rid of the all the photos that we… These are the ones you took alone. I kept them all these years” Nonhle says. I… I don’t know what to say, this is just weird. Out of nowhere Mnqobi comes and greets all the guards with their names, he knows all of them, from uncle AK to the ones whom I don’t have to know. “Hi uncle…” Mnqobi says to Nonhle. Silence, somebody take this kid away before he causes more trouble. “Well it’s not uncle it’s aunt” Nonhle says, good she’s not taking offense, he’s just a 5 year old anyway. “Aunt is beautiful and she has long hair like my Mami, where is your hair?” Mnqobi shoots again. I need to take this kid out of that fancy school, is that’s what they teach kids? That men have short hair and women have long hair? Nonhle has always had short hair, sometimes it would be blonde or brunette but still short, today it’s totally shaved into a chiskop. She squats and pulls Mnqobi next to her, I look at Fezile and I can see that she wants to say something but she decides not to. “See women come in different shapes and sizes, they look different and they like different things. Your Mami has hair and she is beautiful, I don’t have hair but still I am..” “Beautiful!” Mnqobi screams “Yes, and some women put on a hat or a doek on their heads” “Like Gogo” Mnqobi says again. “Like Gogo and she is..” “Beautiful!” High five? Really? So out of this mess Mnqobi has found a new friend and a teacher. Who would have thought? “Boss there’s a letter too” the guard who has been emptying the plastic bag says, he shows me a light blue pocket envelope. I take it, it’s full but not heavy I doubt there’s even anything inside it other than air. “What is this?” I ask, she stands up and the little squirrel runs towards the gate, I think he’s going to AK or Fezile’s chauffeur they are both standing over there looking at us from a distance. Now that I’m pressing on this envelope I can feel something inside, a fabric or wool. “What is it?” I ask, I already have a feeling of what it might be and just the thought of it makes me sick. She takes a deep sigh “It’s my hair” everyone raises their eyebrows “What the fuck must I do with it?” I shout. I know what this means, what it confirms and the two Zulu guards know it too judging by their reaction. “I’m sorry” Nonhle says “Sorry? Is that suppose to make up for the fact that you are a…” I can’t get myself to say it out loud, she must get out of my “Get this woman out of here!” I say to the guards. She takes a step back and the three of them stand between her and I. “Sakhi we need to talk about this…” “I have nothing to say to you!” I shout before shutting the door and stepping closer to the guards. “If this woman is still in my premises in the next 30 seconds all of you are fired!” I mean it. I’m holding the door handle because I don’t want Fezile coming out and causing more drama, “Don’t touch me!” She shouts at one of the guards. AK is here, so is Lunga with Mnqobi on his shoulders. He speaks to his guys first before coming to me, He asks me to step aside and he opens the door one of his guards jumps out. Oh I forgot about him, he was busy putting the photos and the Hoody back into the plastic bag. AK goes to Nonhle and whispers something to her, all of them do that actually. They can have a whole conversation with each other and you won’t even hear a thing, until you give them booze and they start blabbing like they are plugged on turbo chargers. “You are the only man I’ve ever allowed to touch me” that’s Nonhle. I look around, Is she talking to me? “I’ve never allowed any other man to touch me except you, I hope that explains everything” she continues. No it explains Nothing! And it’s a lie, I’m not sure who she met over the past ten years but then again if she’s about to get married soon does that mean she’s never slept with her fiance? Mxm bloody lier and a witch too. I get inside the house and close the door. “Sakhile! Put me down! Leave me alone!.. Sakhile!” She can scream all she wants, I don’t care. I look through the window and I can see AK carrying her all the way till he puts her down outside the gate and locks it. I wonder what I saw in her in the first place.

“Mami ubani lo? (Mami who was that?)” Mnqobi asks when Lunga puts him down and picks up the plastic bag, “Isifebe sikayihlo!(Your dad’s hoe)” She says, What the fuck! “Fezile!” I shout, she doesn’t seem to care “Please get that plastic bag out of my house!” “Where must I put it Mrs Zulu?” “I don’t care Lunga! Burn it, sell it or donate it to charity” She’s totally lost it. But in a way it’s fine I don’t want to see this bag too. “Baba Isifebe selihlo lesi?” Mnqobi, oh Lord. “What? No. Firstly we don’t say Isif… that word in this household, it’s an insult. Secondly she is not that, she’s…” I can’t really say aunt because that would be disrespectful to Fezile. “She’s a nobody, a ghost” I guess I’m a lier too. He’s confused and I’m okay with it, it’s far more better than him calling a grown woman a hoe. “You wanna go grab some ice cream?” Lunga comes to the rescue. “Yes! Ice cream!” Mnqobi, to think I wanted to fire Lunga a few days ago. I still haven’t decided how I’m going to go about getting the insurance to pay out if the police report implicates the drive to alcohol and stuff but his ability to be fully conscious of the situation, be able to help where he’s needed and still mind his own business might just save him. I appreciate people who respect boundaries. They are gone now, it’s just the two of us this big house and the demons we are facing. I’m only realizing now that all along my shirt was unbuttoned, not the whole shirt but the three buttons on my chest were open. I need to shave one of these days, even my facial hair is starting to grow not that I have a problem with it it’s just that it grows in bits by bits it doesn’t really connect like how a healthy beard should and the deal is if it does not connect get rid of it! I only keep my mustache and a bit on my chin. We should be talking or at least showing some kind of recognition to each other but no she’s standing there in the kitchen and I’m sitting in the living room. I think I should go to her, face the music. Oh no! “Fezile!” Why the hell would she do this! “Did you drink it? How much did you take?” She’s sitting on a chair, next to her are two bottles one BNG champagne and one LV red wine both open but still appear to be full. I take both of them and put them upside down in the kitchen sink. There’s no glass next to her. She’s just sitting down here not talking, eventually she tries to stand up and as usual she falls back to my arms as I catch her before the chair does. “Leave me alone!” She yells at me, okay, I step back. She’s walking, more like limping all the way to the couch “I didn’t know she was going to come here!” I say, a little louder because she’s now in the sitting room and I’m still in the kitchen, it’s more of the same room just different color walls, curtains and furniture, it’s big enough. “That’s your problem Sakhile! You don’t know nothing these days. The world could be ending right before your eyes and still you wouldn’t know!” What happened to my wife? The one who respects me, the one who doesn’t raise her voice to me. “Fezile don’t yell at me” I say, “Because you are the husband and I must respect and bow down to you” Yes! “I’m not just the husband, I’m your husband” There’s a different between the two, she sits on the coffee table and picks up an orange from the fruit basket “My husband, you say? and what happens sometimes? Do you perhaps forget that you are My Husband?” She bites the orange and it tastes horrible judging by her facial expression, now that I look closer it’s a lemon. I keep quiet. Not because I don’t know the answer, I don’t respond to stupid questions. “So you were my husband when you consciously walked inside an Uber driven by your ex girlfriend” She makes quotation marks in the air when she says ‘ex girlfriend’. Breath Sakhile, breath. “Yes” I say. “You were still my husband when you had little chats and giggles with her in the car?” I don’t know where she’s going with these questions, but it seems like I have little close to no choice at all “We talked, yes” “And when she said she’s feeling cold you gave her a jacket which I personally bought for you? Knowing you I’d say you offered her that jacket she didn’t even have to ask” I don’t have to answer that one, it’s not even a question to begin with. “It was not like that” “It was not like that! What was it like? What is she like? Is she good? Is she better than me? She must move easily because she’s not 31 weeks pregnant” She’s yelling again. “I didn’t sleep with her, okay!” I yell back. Silence. I feel bad. Shouting at my wife who is heavily pregnant is not okay, “You have to believe me Love, I did sleep with that woman” I say, a little cooler now. She seems to be thinking hard, she smiles and gets angry within seconds. She stares at my direction but no exactly at me. “It was around 1 o’clock in the morning, you kept on turning and turning I thought maybe you were not feeling well, I called your name twice but you did not hear me, and then you started smiling, I smiled back it’s not everyday that I get to watch you dream at night, you seemed pleased. And then you started moaning and groaning next to me, I smiled back because I thought you were dreaming about me, about us…” I can see tear glasses on her eyes, I’m hurt. “But then you called out her name, I thought I didn’t hear you at first but when you did it the second time within 30 seconds I heard it, crystal clear” She breaks down. I move closer she starts throwing the fruits at me, I catch some, some hit me. I’m not sure if it hurts or not I just know that what ever I’m feeling physically is nothing compared to what I feel inside. Seeing her cry always makes me want to cry but to learn that she sat and watched me moan into the pleasures of another woman even going as far as calling her name that’s just unimaginable, I wouldn’t wish it for my worst enemy let alone the love of my life. But in a way it kind of explains how she came to know about Nonhle, I had a feeling James did not tell her, I also knew that Malume would never but I didn’t know how she managed to puzzle it all together. It also explains the wet dreams I had. She moves to sit on the couch opposite the coffee table, I also stand up not sure what to do I find myself picking up the fruits she was hitting me with, a strong part of me wants to walk out, drink myself to sleep and come back to talk to her when she’s feeling a little better another part of me is tired of fighting, I want things to go back to normal, it’s a lot I’m asking for I know but I just want to come home and fell the warmth and love. Sleep and wish the night was twenty hours long because waking up to her head resting on my biceps feels like morning coffee, her soft hair massaging my chest is a feeling I can’t explain. “Sakhile you said that she is a witch…” I said she bewitched me, just because she did something bad that doesn’t make her a bad person “You said that when you are around her you are not entirely in control of your actions” Yeah I said that. I nod “Then how is it possible that even when you took off your clothes and gave them to her there was still no affection between the two of you?” Now I’m really feeling the perks of being married to a woman with a genius IQ, sigh “Fezile I love you, only you. Yes I fucked up big time and I’m terribly sorry for my mistake, but I swear on my mother’s grave. I-did-not have sex with her or anyone else besides you” I have ran out of things to say. She raised her eyebrows when I mentioned my mother, It must be the fact that I hardly talk about her. “What stopped you?” She asks, I look at her, she’s now calm and collected. “Sakhile you were not yourself you could not control what you were doing, she on the other hand was in control and if she really wanted to test her power over you she would want to sleep with you and you not being you, you will not be able to stop her, if that’s what happened and you still insist that you did not sleep with her then who stopped you?” Now you wonder why people date slay queens? They don’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve done as long as you buy a wig, bag and shoes all is forgiven. My dad stopped me “A snake” I say. She looks at me I look down. When I look up she’s still staring at me. “A snake appeared in the forest, I can’t tell what would have happened if it didn’t” I say. She stand up, not falling this time. I think she’s satisfied with the answer. “It should have bitten that penis off!” This woman has no chill what so ever. I’m trying not to laugh. “Yes laugh because it’s funny, it won’t be funny if I also mistakenly have an encounter with my Ex” WTF! She’s testing me! I don’t have any more energy left in me for this, I walk out.

It’s already dark. I call Lunga to bring back Mnqobi. I’m going to head straight to bed “And then?” She says like it’s a question. “And then what now?” I ask “You don’t think you’re going to sleep in my bed, do you? In fact I don’t even want you in this house” she says, And where the hell am I suppose to go? This is my house too. “Where am I suppose to go to?” “To Hell… But for now maybe try Hilton!” She stands and holds the door waiting for me to get out of the bedroom. I take my jacket, car keys and my wallet then head for the door. As soon as I open it I see Lunga carrying a sleeping Mnqobi on his chest. “He fell asleep in the car” He whispers. I take my child and put him on his bed, kiss him goodbye and leave. “Nobody gets in or leaves this yard without my knowledge” I say to AK at the gate before driving off, I’m not hungry I’m thirsty. A few cold beers would do. I drive to Checkers liquor store first, great the queue is not that long just one six pack of Heineken would do, I’m going to use the backroom there’s nothing to sleep on I’ll just sit on that camp chair when I feel sleepy I’ll go to the car. AK has spare keys to all the doors in this yard. He’s reluctant at first I think Fezile told him not to let me in but at the end of the day he figures that I’m safer drunk inside the premises than somewhere where he won’t have control of who has access to me or my car. Thing is I can protect myself at any given time, but after four beers I’m not really sure. My chest is painful, it must be the oranges and apples that were bouncing on it. It’s past 11 o’clock at night and I still can’t get any sleep, I’ve finished all my cans I leave the room anyway and I get in the car, pull the seat back, sleep will come whenever that is.

I got to work this morning a little earlier than usual, I had to use the shower next to the office and change in the office wardrobe before everyone came in. I called home three times but madam is still mad at me, I sent her a good morning text but she didn’t reply to it. At least they allowed the pizza guy in I wasn’t sure what to buy them for breakfast so I ordered pizza online and I asked them to write ‘I Love you Dr Fezile Zulu’ on the receipt. I came to work not only because I wasn’t welcome at home but I have two important meetings, first with Zolani who needs to explain to me where he gets the letters that I keep receiving from his company and then I called in Bheki whom I have to break a promise I made to him, remember I was suppose to accompany him when he goes to the Ntulis to ask for forgiveness? Well I’ve come to my senses and I can’t go anymore, I’ve got nothing against him but if he really is ready to be a man then he must man up and clean after his mess. My life itself is not perfect but I’m trying to fix things because that’s what men should do so I’ve got no time act like Tutu and be the face of peace. When you come across bigger challenges and you face them heads on, that can make you trust yourself even more which is an amazing feeling but more so it can highlight how you are always there for everyone else when they need help but no one is ever really there when you need them. Fair enough I didn’t tell them but real friends, real Allies should be able to tell when you’re not yourself, they should be able to listen to your silence. I’ll advise him to take both his brothers and both his uncles. I know they don’t have a family kind of but there are these two gentlemen who have been in charge of the lobola process and ensuring a positive relationship between The Ntulis and The Mchunus, it’s their duty to fix this. “Sir, Mr Ntuli came and left this for you” Phumi says, placing a gift bag on my desk, I’m kinda not keen on receiving any packages today, the Last package I received almost tornadoed my marriage. I look inside it either way, oh Nice! It’s a Johnnie walker blue label, I wonder what did I do to deserve such a gift. “Thank you” I say. “And another one of these came through” she also says, an envelope? my heart skips. It’s one of those from Mphemba Media. I open it immediately. “Afrocentric Designs store 04, Griffiths Mxenge highway, 4066 ask for the manager. Z L Ntuli” it reads. This is serious. “Thank you Phumi” she exits, I drink another glass of water I think this is my sixth glass today, hangover is really showing me flames. Zolani is in one of the stores in this building, he did mention that someone was onto him and that they are marking his every move but if it’s at a point where he can’t even meet with me in my office he’d rather we meet at a place where no one, not even James or Fezile would think I went to Afrocentric Designs to meet with him it must be really serious and a bit scary. Let me not waste more time.

I get home only to find the house empty, after receiving a R7 500 bottle as a gift I felt generous too so I transferred R19 000 to Fezile so she can go but herself whatever she wanted to eat, I’ll just take a bath in the meantime and rest I’ll wake up when everyone is home. Hot water feels so good I take a little longer than I normally do. It’s in the afternoon, too early to be rocking pyjamas, sleeping in just an underwear should do. Hopefully I don’t get kicked out again… Wild laughter and Claps from high five is what wakes me up. “Wait! She came here, in your house? To your husband and she left alive?” That voice is Sonto’s I assume they are talking about… “Yep, she was here in a flesh!” Fezile “Sis you are too kind, you should have called me to come and sort her out!” Sonto, I wonder what she was going to do. “I love you enough not to let you get arrested, you know? Besides I think He handled her pretty well” Fezile, but I still got hella interrogation and got kicked out of the house on top of that. “Really?” Sonto asks, she’s either eating or drinking something I can tell. “He was very calm, which annoyed me to a certain extent… Oh and mo-girl said ‘You are the only man I’ve ever been with’ imagine!” Fezile, I smell burning oil she must be cooking I miss a home cooked meal. “Okay that’s weird, how so If she’s engaged to be married? Or maybe…” she laughs, Sonto is something else I tell you. “Maybe what?” “Maybe the guy she’s about to marry does not have the… You know” Silence. Then wild laughter again. “You watch too much American TV no black woman would marry a man who has no penis” Fezile, can somebody shoot me now, I need to mute this conversation before I hear too much. “Unless he has money” That’s Sonto again and they both laugh. “I don’t think she’s that kind…” “Oh oh!” “What?” “She wanted to steal your man now that he has money, she left him when he was broke, she is That Kind!” Okay that kinda hurts, I know she means well but I don’t remember being broke in my own personal standards but from their upbringing and their family league I guess I was broke. “Sakhile has never been broke girl. A man with a dream and a plan can never be considered broke” My girl! Tell her babe. “Back to the bitch I think she’s a lesbian” What! “Hehehe! In the words of the great Gabrielle Union- I think we’re gonna need more wine! Tell me more” Sonto is always excited and drinking. “I know it’s stupid but now that I put two and two together it makes sense, firstly she looks good, simple jeans no make-up, no hair, yes like chiskop vibe going on there. She has a nose ring and she touches her chin now and again when she talks” Fezile. She really was paying more attention than I thought. “If she is then that’s just crazy” Sonto. She’s not a lesbian she dated me I’m a man! A Zulu man to be specific. “You went to the shop and bought tin roof? Seriously?” Sonto again. “That’s your brother-in-law, he offered to do shopping the other day and bought everything on the list, and guess what everything was ‘Original’ yoghurt normal fat. Milk original, he bought rooibos for kids and tin roof ice cream” Fezile. “He went shopping? I’m impressed! Bheki would first have to….” I can’t hear the last bit of it but they laugh out loud. “I wonder where is Sakhile? I need to finish cooking before he comes home” Fezile. I’m here in the bedroom, listening and judging. “But maybe… Just maybe fate played a part in all this, you know how they say what’s meant to be should be” Sonto. Sounds interesting, I’m such a wrong person. “No I mean if he dated a lesbian and you dated your Ex God was kind of keeping the both of you occupied until you found your way to each. And the fun part is that both your and his Ex are gay” Holy Moly! It’s the first time I learn about Fezile’s Ex. I know there’s a guy whom she was dating in University but she broke up with him when she decided to ‘give me a chance’ she used to say. She used to say that he doesn’t qualify for the ‘Ex’ status. I didn’t know you need qualification. “I have an Ex? And he’s gay?” Fezile laughs. “The one who became a priest, the one you dumped on Mxit a day after you met Sakhile” Hhaibo! She didn’t even give me her number on day one but she went home to dump somebody for me? Talk about love at first sight. “Nqubeko wasn’t gay!” Fezile says in a rather defensive tone. “He used to put you as his Mxit profile picture for six months straight, and put the Bible on Sundays and during Easter weekend and then would Skype call you from Italy. You dated him for three years Sis but not even a single kiss. Just texts from him every morning and night… There was this one that read “My beautiful Prudence your purity reminds me of Mary Magdalene…” I’m holding my laugh, right now I can confirm that Sonto is drunk. “He Called me Prudence! Gosh I hate that name!” Fezile says. Jackpot! She’s going to be Prudence from now on. “I thought he was stupid, but he’s a decent priest… Still obviously gay but” “You met him?” Fezile “It was very awkward. We were looking for a church that we’re going to get married in so we contacted a few places. Came the day we had to meet with the church people, the priest sees me and he starts talking like we’ve been friends for decades, first he apologized for wasting my time and gave me blessing to move on because that’s God’s way of showing me that I deserve better, he asked Bheki to take care of me and that he’s so lucky to be my husband… He thought I was you” Sonto explains, “That’s weird, what did you do?” Fezile asks, so she’s also interested? “Nothing at that time, but we are not going to get married at that church, it’s out of the list Bheki insisted” Sonto. I’m surprised that they are considering a white wedding also, The Mchunus are Nazareth and I thought they’ll go with the traditional wedding only. It’s time to get out of this room before I hear secrets, I’ve already heard too much. Long pants and a golf t-shirt should do, even though this is my home I can’t walk around half naked in front of the inlaws. She almost chokes on whatever is it that’s in that cup she’s holding with her hand, smart women, they’ve never used wine glasses when they are home alone they use coffee cups and mugs you’d think they are drinking coffee or tea until you notice their tones going higher and a series of jokes out of the blue. “MaNtuli” I say to Sonto, she’s still in shock but she quickly snaps out of it. “Hi Sblali” She’s really trying to keep it together. I turn to look at Fezile “Mtakwethu (My other half)” I say it’s like she gets prettier everyday. She leans closer to kiss me I kiss her on the forehead, I’m taller than her anyway. She looks at me. I whisper to her “I just woke up, didn’t brush my teeth” she giggles. “Hello I’m still here!” Sonto being jealous. We both look at her and laugh. Fezile let’s go of me and I find my way to the fridge, I need nothing to be honest so I take a glass of Sprite and head to the bathroom.

This might just be my most fruitful day by far. I did everything I planned to do and more, besides being bothered by Sonto and Nancy who called me asking for the exact same details about what’s Fezile’s favorite drink? What size is she wearing now that she’s pregnant? Where we’ll be this coming Sunday and if I know who her friends from work are? It was a great day. Mabutho filled the application to the insurance company regarding the van we’re still waiting for a response, Bheki and his people are meeting with the Ntulis today I wish them good luck and it’s back to business as usual I feel like I’m in control again, like how life should be oh and I’m going to check some cars later on Zolani hooked me up with his friend. We’re rolling! “Knock knock!” James says but he’s already inside. “Mr Hussein!” He looks really nice “Okay you are in a good mood, what’s up?” He asks, is life really so miserable in such a way that we should reason why we’re smiling? “I’m alive that’s why” I say, slik I know. He shakes his head “Okay let’s widen that smile on your face, check here” He says showing me the screen of his phone. He’s got a nice phone, too big to fit in one hand but it’s really nice and looking at the wallpaper which is a picture of his car, it’s camera is so clean you can take a picture of the clouds and zoom in to count how many rain drops are in there. Okay maybe that’s a bit extreme but you know what I mean. He’s touching quickly and I’m waiting for the part that’s worth my attention. “There” he says. “What am I looking at?” That look on his face If he could he’d roll his eyes. “We’ve developed an App that allows you to call for the mobile carwash without really have to call…” He says quickly and I’m just looking at him. ‘calling without having to call’ how does that work? “Okay?” I say expecting him to continue. “You’ve used an Uber, right?” “Sure” I say “How do you call an Uber?” He asks. Well you use the Uber app and… Oh okay. I get it. “So you can be sitting at home or in the office and press on your phone then my guys come to you?” I say, I hope I’m right. “Exactly?” Impressive! But how does everyone know we have this new technology now? “So you are going to send that to me and Fezile, and we share it with everyone and so forth…” “There’s absolutely no need for that, where’s your phone?” He asks, I give it to him it has no password or pattern. “Okay…here…err…” He’s got my phone and he’s speaking to himself. “You need to upgrade to a new phone for real and you should ALWAYS clear your search history” He says, that’s what you get for going through people’s phones. James being James. “Okay, see you can go to your play store and search for Century Car Wash” “Century?” “We had to come up with a name quickly we’ll change it once you have decided on the official name. Sakhile’s Carwash wasn’t really gonna cut it.” He laughs, moron. Century is not that bad but it’s also not an African name, we’ll change it in the near future. He explains every detail to me and how we will need to hire someone who is going to be in charge of this department. A combination of James and Thobani never ceases to amaze me. When he is leaves I’m even happier than when he found me. My phone rings, it’s Lunga. “Troublesome” I call him that because he’s just like Thobani, smart and trouble combo. “Boss, there’s something wrong with Mrs Zulu” What! He sounds nervous or frightened I don’t which one. “What’s wrong? Where are you?” I pull out the drawer, take my keys and wallet “We just came back, I think you should come home” “I’m on my way, don’t leave her alone” I say I’m already in the parking lot, it’s just after 3pm I hope I don’t get stuck in the afternoon traffic. This car is not fast enough *Beep!* Watch where you are going! Stupid! Some people drive like they never set a foot at a driving school. 120km/h is how fast I’m driving I should be home in less than ten minutes. *Beep!* Go to hell! *Sirens* seriously? I’m being pulled over! I indicate before pulling over at the bus stop. It’s not even Metro or traffic police, it’s SAPS members. I roll down the window and adjust the seatbelt. “Can I see your licence?” The older one says , there’s two of them wearing the Navy blue uniform. Both male one is in his late forties and another who is standing behind him he looks like he’s in his mid twenties. “I’m sorry I’m rushing home my wife is not feeling well” I say handing out the driving licence. He walks around to check the sticker on the windscreen, I look at my phone, three minutes has gone by. “What’s wrong with your wife?” “I don’t know they just called me and told me to come home urgently” I say. He looks at me straight in the eyes when he gives me my licence back. Good I start the car “Not so fast man, what’s in the boot?” He asks, Seriously? What kind of I’m in a hurry does this man not understand? “Nothing!” I say. “Can we see it?” “Why?” “Do you have a problem with that?” He asks. I look at the time, eleven minutes have gone pass. Let me get this over and done with. I step out of the car leaving the door open and I walk around to open the boot. “Okay” he says when he sees that there’s nothing. My guys clean my car everyday. I own a Carwash for God’s sake! “Can I go now?” I don’t have time to be nice I’ve already concluded that he’s the kind of a police officer who wants everyone to feel his power. “Search him” He says to the younger one, I don’t have time for this, I get inside my car “What do you think you are doing?” He asks, I keep quiet and look at the younger cop, he’s just standing looking more scared. “If you don’t want me to arrest you get out of the car right now!” The older one says “Arrest me for what?” I snap “Just please get out of the car, it won’t take long” The younger one says. There’s this way he’s body language sends the message, it’s like he knows things could escalate, he’s fully aware of his fellow mate’s behavior and he has seen worse. I know the look on his eyes from my security guarding experience. I open the door and the older guy roughly pulls me out and puts me against the car, his right hand at the back of my head and left hand pressing my arm on the arch of my back. I’ve already figured what’s going on here, and with no witnesses I don’t stand a chance, this road is empty. His hands run through my arms and back, my pockets, my outer legs and WTF! I turn around and face him. He just put both his hands in my back pockets and touched my butt. “Are you still stubborn?” He asks with a smile on his face. I spit right next to his shoes, maybe that’s not a good idea but it’s done. I raise my hands still and his hands run through my chest, under arms and my front pockets again all the way down. On his way up he tries to force his right hand in between my inner thighs up to my genitals. Okay that’s it! I grab his neck and I push him roughly he almost falls. He reach for the gun but the younger guy comes to stand in front of me like he’s trying to shield me or something. He’s so skinny and short I can see the top of his head. *Beep!* it’s a taxi, “Mageba” the driver says. I don’t think I know him but as of right now he’s my best friend. “Man how are you doing?” I say with a wide smile on my face. “I’m good, are your guys open there?” He asks. He definitely knows me. “Yeah! They are still open” I say. “Where are you headed?” I also ask. I’m trying to lengthen the conversation, he pulls over and steps out of his taxi. Only when he’s down he realizes that I’m standing with the police “Bantu Bomthetho (law enforcement) Is everything okay?” He asks. I don’t know, is it? We both look at them. “Yes we were… Just doing our work but it’s fine” The older one says. Fuck you lier! “Thanks for your cooperation Sir” the younger one says, you need to look for another job before he rapes you. They get in the van and drive off. I need to rush home right now but also I have to give this man who just saved me, a minute of my time. “My drivers can’t stop talking about your carwash as a result they come there more often than they should…” Good for me! They bring money. “So I needed to come and see you to talk about a way in which I can get them to come and wash the taxis on specific days together and you can charge me a collective amount” He say. So he’s not just a taxi driver he’s an owner. “How many taxis are we talking about?” I ask, what if he’s got two? It’s not worth the trouble. “Seventeen” He says… Money money money! I give him my business card and tell him to ask for me directly when he arrives. He doesn’t even have to make an appointment. 45 minutes later I can finally drive home.

None of the guards would look me in the eyes, as soon as they saw my car coming they all pretended to be busy, I passed Lunga outside standing alone I couldn’t talk either I just looked at him and he pointed inside, the suitcase greeted me when I walked in the living room, she wasn’t in the the bedroom either. I looked in every other room and couldn’t find her, a surge of anxiety kicked in, my hands were shaking when I opened the bathroom door And she was just sitting there inside the bathtub, so still I thought… I don’t know what I thought. The water had gone cold, she was shaking from the freezing water, her eyes were swollen I could tell that she was crying. I quickly took two bath towels, put them on the bed and then carried her to bed, careful not to fall on the wet and slippery floor. After covering her with the biggest blanket we have in this house I made her tea, rooibos with honey and left it next to the bed. I did all that while holding tears in my eyes, I’ve never seen Fezile like that. She looked so defeated, so helpless, it hurts.

Lunga is still outside when I come out, he’s leaning on the car looking like the world is ending, I just finished cleaning up the bathroom I also unpacked all the clothes that were in the suitcase which most of them were Mnqobi’s and a few of Fezile’s. He sees me coming to him and he stands up straight and removes him hat. “I was on my way to fetch Mnqobi from school” he says getting inside the car and occupying the driver’s seat, picking up Mnqobi is not part of his duty by the way. “We need to talk” I sit next to him, he’s shaking but trying to look tough. “What happened Lunga?” I ask, he looks more worried now that I’ve called him with his real name. I’m noticing that he’s not looking at me. “Today or that day?” He asks, his voice is literally trembling. “Let’s start with today” I say, I wasn’t going to ask about the day he crashed my van but now that he has reminded me, he owes me those answers too. He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know where it all started but when I came back from dropping your son at school Mrs Zulu was already standing in the living room with the suitcase. She said I must drive her to Folweni, when we got there she stayed for about an hour or so and then we had to come back..” “You drove my wife to and from Folweni without my knowledge?” He’s supposed to be my eyes and ears, that’s why I hired him “She said I must not tell you” Nonsense! “Who do you work for young man?” Silence. I look at him No he’s going to answer. “You Sir” He says. “Sir you hired me and you told me to do everything Mrs Zulu says and drive her everywhere she wants to go” he’s trying to get smart with me, I’m so going to fire him. But on the other hand I did say that. “Why did you come back?” I ask, she wanted to leave but she came back, why? “I don’t know… But in the car I heard her talking on the phone with Sonto…” He knows Sonto? “She said her mother chased her back to come and fix things with her husband, she can’t always run home when there is an argument” I’m not happy that he knows such information but also I’m happy with the way mother-in-law handled it. “When we got back she didn’t even wait for me to open the door for her, she just went straight inside the house, I waited a bit but I knew she wasn’t coming back so I had to take the suitcase inside that’s when I heard someone crying…” “Crying?” “Yes, I rushed to where I thought the sound was coming from but the door was locked and the water was running I figured she might be…” Naked. “That’s when I called you sir” He explains. He didn’t look at me all this time, not even once “You did the right thing” I say. He raises his head. I nod. I’ll let the other issue slide for now, he must rush to pick up little prince before he gets stranded. As Lunga drives out the gate another vehicle drives in and the guards don’t stop it. I stand to observe as it crawls closer until it parks next to me. It’s a police 4X4 van, driven by an Indian police officer accompanied by the young black one I met earlier today. He looks more skinny and more frightened than the last time I saw him. “We’re looking for Sakhile Zulu” Okay! the Indian guy speaks IsiZulu, Ghandhi must turning in his grave. “I am Sakhile Zulu” I say, handcuffs? What’s going on here! The guards rush to us “Mr Zulu you are under arrest for assaulting sergeant Richard Ndwandwe, you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do could and will be used against you in the court of law, you have the right to an attorney and if you can’t afford one the state will provide one for you…”

“Hey love if you’re still not feeling better please come to the doctor, I’m meeting with my gynecologist today and we could do lunch there after” The first text reads. “She says I must not worry but I don’t know I feel like she’s not telling me the truth. Anyways where are you?” The second one reads. Both sent two hours apart and nothing after that, not a missed call or a voicemail. I have my earphones on as I’m trying to recap what I might have missed in the ten hours I was away. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I haven’t slept a wink, my mind is racing and theories are cat fighting in my brain. How did she find out? When? And from whom? I want to know. How much does she know and how much of it is true? She wouldn’t say none of this. She asked me if I was from the other woman and I said no, she said ‘Okay’ whilst her eyes were fixed on the pair of condoms that fell from my pants pocket what followed there after was a pillow and a blanket thrown at me before being pushed out of the bedroom and the door shut in my face.

I couldn’t even fight or try to reason with her because I don’t know if Thobani and his girl are here or not. Mnqobi was fast asleep when I passed by his room to check on him. I’m sleeping in one of the guest rooms, in my house.

It’s already 6am I might as well get up and boil the herbs that Mahlangu gave me, for steaming he said, he even wrote on the newspaper he used to cover it. I can’t really steam in the bathtub so I’ll have to look for the plastic basin that I kept in the garage, haven’t used them in a while but I’m sure they’re here, good there’s two I’ll take the blue one. On second thought I’m going to steam in here or maybe at the gym. I don’t want someone to walk in while I’m doing my business.

That was quick, they should get up otherwise they’ll be late it’s already… okay this watch is not right let me check my phone, it’s also wrong. How is it 10 o’clock when it was 6am about an hour ago? Mnqobi’s room is empty, Thobani’s room too, which is a good thing now that I think about it because I’m literally wearing nothing except for the blue bath towel wrapped around my waist and the main bedroom is locked? WTF! My keys are inside here so I can’t even open my own bedroom, phone beeps battery is on 5% and I don’t remember where I must have put the charger. I need to get to work. I’ll get inside the main bedroom through the passage from the bathroom, what! This door is locked too and the only thing I can possibly wear from this closet is this Nike tracksuit and sneakers. Volvo keys are here BMW keys aren’t. What kind of a game is Fezile playing? I’m not going to drive her car but then how am I suppose to leave this house without a car? I can’t even get an Uber because my phone is dead. The clock on the wall says it’s 10:45. Landline should do, the security company must send a car to take me to work I’ll decide everything else from there.

“Good morning sir how are feeling now?” Phumi is always in a good mood, but then how does she know that I’m not feeling well? Is it that obvious? “Mrs Zulu called this morning and said that you might be working from home because you’re not feeling well” She explains, Now that sounds like something Fezile would do. I’m not even surprised. “I’m going to feel much better after a strong cup of coffee” I say , she smiles and nods at the same time, the office looks cleaner than yesterday I put my phone on charge and use the company phone to call Fezile, voicemail. “Knock knock, I wasn’t sure if you’d like it with brown sugar or honey so I brought both” she says putting the tray on top of the desk, she looks at me from head to toe. “You know that there are two suits of yours there, right?” pointing at the closest that is here in the office, I completely forgot about it my mind is not in the right place just this morning I mistook 9am for 6am, I arrived at work in a tracksuit and it’s not even a weekend or a holiday either way I promise to check one of them but that’s not entirely true because if I can’t get hold of my wife I need to find her, let me call the school first, good Mnqobi is there.

“Phumi you can take the coffee, If I don’t get back in two hours ask James to please lock my office” I’m already in the reception, still in my tracksuit and sneakers “Before you go I need one of you to approve these, now if you can please sign for me here and here” She gives me two invoices, one is from the cleaning service company and this one is from… “The water people, that truck that brings water. We need to send them a payment so they could deliver more water, we’re still out of water and according to the municipality we’ll need to survive the next 24 hours” She says. “Okay pay them and don’t ask for more, I’ll get us water back today, and if I’m not here you can always give this to James to sign” She says okay and the Uber is here, I seriously need to get myself a car infact let me call Zolani right now. “Mphemba how are you?” I say, he sounds in very high spirit “Do you still have your friend in the municipality? No I don’t need a tender sir I need water, our area has been out of water for over 36 hours now” he’s going to make some calls wonderful! “Before you go, that car dealership guy, the skinny one with a funny accent I need to talk to him” I should start building this network thing I can’t always rely on him to talk to people on my behalf even though he says he doesn’t mind. How is he suppose to trust me to take care of his sister if I can’t even take care of myself? We pass by Montclair to buy lunch takeaways and then we drive to King Edward Hospital.

The Uber driver leaves me at the gate, after signing in I go to stand next to Fezile’s car. It only takes a couple of minutes before she comes out, unlike everyday I come to see her today she’s in her full uniform, blue scrubs and flat shoes, she takes off the white gloves and puts them in her pocket. I walk around the car to open the door so she can sit on the passenger seat, she just stands there arms folded not even looking at me I then realize that she’s not talking to me. “Hi” she says, I look up to her she looks back at me “Hi” I respond, “How did you sleep?” I ask, she said hi first so I assume we’re talking. “Fine, how did you sleep?” When a lady uses the word fine or okay, in most cases she means the opposite and I couldn’t sleep “I thought I should bring you lunch” “Thanks but I already had lunch” She says. Silence.

“Fezile there’s no one else, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about yesterday… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about a lot that happened before yesterday but trust me there’s no one else” “Trust you?” She asks, fast. She can be so attractive when she’s fierce. “Yes, there’s a lot I want to tell you, a lot I wish I could share with you but I can’t, not now” “Why not?” She asks “Because it’s not healthy for you my love, MakaMnqobi I love you I’ll never do anything that will make you sick” I say. “You know what makes me sick Sakhile? Lies! Lies make me sick to my stomach” She says, her voice is low but her tone is firm. “To the stomach you say?” I want to touch it but she moves away. I move closer to her. “The reason why I’m not telling you is because I don’t want to lie to you” I say “Then what’s the point of all this?” By all this I know what she means, it can’t be that she’s referring to the residents parking lot that we’re standing at but I decide to not go where she’s going, at least not now and definitely not here.

“Let’s go home”I say, she presses her lips together before releasing a deep sigh “I’m working late tonight and I’ll pass by the shops to buy some stuff for Mnqobi’s lunch box later” she says, I’m not going to ask how late but I can do the shopping. “I can go to the shops that way you won’t have to overwork yourself” I say. She looks surprised. “Are you sure?” “Yeah I’m sure, do you have a list of the things you wanted to buy?” I ask. She rushes and disappear in the building, comes back with a piece of paper. There’s not much to buy really 123…7 small items. “You might need these too” she says stretching her hand. I hold and cures it for a second before kissing it, it’s warm and smooth I look directly into her eyes when I accept the car keys.

I can fell the fire burning within me I’m sure she can feel it to, I’m not going to ask why she took this car in the first place because that might start an unnecessary argument. “So what’s in there?” She asks pointing over my shoulder with her eyes, I turn my head to look as well, it’s the takeaways bag. “Steers” I say “Steers! And the chips?” “Hand-cut , plain with pepper just the way you like them” fair enough I can be a douchebag but I know my woman. The bag is already in her hands. I almost missed such a great opportunity. Where is my phone? Okay found it, camera on *snap* *flash*. “And then?” She asks “And then what? I can’t take photos of my beautiful wife now?” I don’t have recent pictures of her in uniform, all the ones I have are from either two years ago or they are group photos of her and her colleagues. I kiss her on the cheek before raving the car.

Life is more complex than anyone could ever imagine. One day you move on over horrible things that happened, the next day you fight for something that never happened. I don’t want to complain let alone make excuses, one would say I should have told my wife about my encounter with Nonhle the day I came back, like that was possible. Thobani was in hospital and at that time all that was important was him and his recovery, after that it was the re-opening of the company, my stollen cars and all that happened around that time and before I knew it a month had gone by. There have been times when I laid on my back in the middle of the night with her head resting on my chest I wanted to confess. I knew she would get mad at me, even throw me out of the bedroom for a day or two but eventually she’d find comfort in knowing that I was man enough, that I AM man enough to admit my wrong doings and ask for forgiveness but it’s too late now isn’t? She already has a conclusion of her own from unfounded theories and here I am alone in a room that I built for uninvited guests in my house.

They are already up preparing to leave, Fezile for work and Mnqobi for school. I might as well get ready so I can drive him to school. We didn’t talk yesterday because when she came back home all she wanted was a bath, food and bed. She hardly said a word to me except for the time when she told me to close the door on my way out of Her bedroom, yep she said her bedroom. I could greet but I know she’ll not respond so what’s the use? They both are already fully dressed. “Boy are you ready?” I ask he raises his thumb. “Okay go get your bag Baba is taking you to school today” he runs like a champ that he is, my boy. Fezile gives me a side eye, I don’t know what she’s taking from the fridge but when she’s done she bangs the door so hard I feel sorry for it.

“Who else knows?” She asks looking at me, I want to play dom and pretend like I don’t know what she’s talking about but that would only escalate things. “Malume and James” I steal a glimpse of her eyes as I say this, she’s still looking at me like I should continue name dropping “it’s only them, I swear” I say I know I could sound more convincing but it’s early in the morning and I haven’t taken a shower. Dirty people look less trustworthy, it’s not rocket science, add being black on top of that. She goes to our room I follow her “Fezile I’m sorry” “Not as sorry as I am” She says, we’re back in the kitchen again and I’m following her around like a puppy. “I did not sleep with her, I don’t know how much you know but I assure you it’s not what you think” everything that is coming out of my mouth probably makes me sound more guilty than anything else but I’m not lying. “My love we need to talk”

“Don’t my love me!” She shouts. That’s it, we’re going to have this conversation right here right now. “I’m going to get security to take Mnqobi to school and I’m going to call the hospital and tell them that you’re not coming to work today” I say she looks at me like I’m delusional or something and maybe I am but the tension in this household is not healthy we need to address it now. She goes back to the bedroom and comes back with her handbag and Volvo keys, she can be as stubborn as a mule. “Fezile did you hear what I just said?” I wonder where Mnqobi disappeared to, his bag is always ready, what’s taking him so long? “I’m a doctor, I save lives and I sure as hell can’t stop going to work only because my husband wants to tell me why he cheated on me” I didn’t cheat! “As your husband I’d like you my wife to listen to me. I don’t want to speak to the doctor, I want to speak to my wife” I don’t like arguing with her especially not when our child is in this house, busy telling me about how she saves lives, dental treatment is a luxury and cavities don’t kill.

She puts the bag on the table “I’m sorry but did you just ask me to choose between my job and your penis?” WTF! I’m not mad now I’m hurt, she just disrespected me, willingly. “Is that what you see when you look at me? Just a dick?” She doesn’t answer and I’m fully aware that she didn’t mean it that way. Mnqobi comes out of his room running with his backpack and his hands full of something, it’s the chocolate I left on his bedside last night. “I’m ready baba! Which car are we going with?” He asks “The BMW, don’t stain yourself with that chocolate and put on your seatbelt” I say, my eyes follow him as he runs to the garage, he’s always hyperactive. My mother always said he reminds her of me when I was a child, he reminds me of Thobani. I guess it runs in the family and it multiplies with each generation. I turn to Fezile who is still standing with her bag on top of the table and her elbow resting on it “Tell doctor Ntuli she can go to work, when I come back I would like to have a serious conversation with my wife, the mother of my children” I say before exiting the kitchen.

I throw the bubblegum in the bin when I walk in the kitchen, I bought and drank two cans of Heineken after dropping off Mnqobi, the kitchen is empty but I know she’s still here because the door is not locked and her car is still parked in the garage, the lounge is empty too, our bedroom is not locked today but she’s also not inside it, I peep through all the guest rooms and Mnqobi’s room she’s not in here. I panic, her phone is on voicemail again. Let me go check in the gym she’s not here too I don’t want to ask security because at some point we’ve got to be able to sort out our personal issues without involving a lot of people. I’m sure they already suspect that something is not okay but it’s not their place to ask us about it. It wouldn’t make sense for Fezile to be in the backroom especially since it’s filthy but I’m going to check anyway, I need to clean it up when I get time we might use it for.

The door is not locked I panic again, there is a lot of stuff in here that is very confidential, stuff that no one should know about. I push the door slowly until it full opens. What the hell? The floor, the walls and the ceiling all sqeaky clean. The paint on the walls is light grey with white ceiling and brown floors. It looks bigger and empty but very intimate, really breathtaking. My eyes scan the room and I see her sitting on the camp chair opposite the window with a jar of lemon water next to her. As I walk towards her I can’t look at her in the face but I can feel her eyes on me, they are judging and piercing through my bruised ego. I sit on the cold floor with my knees up and my back against the wall.

There is no turning back now, and I’m not just going to answer every question she going to ask me but I’m going to be honest with her. As much as it pains me that everything I’m going to say will hurt she deserves the truth, Silence. “How many are they Sakhile? Is this Nonhle the only one or there’s more of them?” She asks, her tone is soft and slow, she sounds tired. “There’s no one else” I say. “Where did you meet her?” She asks again. Tricky question because I don’t know if I should refer to the first time we met or the day I was going to Mpumalanga. “When I was going to Mpumalanga, James couldn’t drive me to town where I was going to hire a car. He called an Uber and she was the Uber driver” I say “Uber driver!” She shouts, I know that was a question of standards or lack of them rather, I keep quiet for a while. “Yes, I had met her a long time ago before I met you” I say and then I stop when she turns to look at me, I still can’t get myself to look at her I’m embarrassed. “So you ‘went’ on a business trip meanwhile you were on a vacation with your Ex?”

“It wasn’t like that”

“What was it like!” She shouts again, silence. “I didn’t mean to bump into her, Fezile I’m sorry” I say “How long has this been going on?” It feels like all these questions have been stored at the back of her head for a while now, they keep coming. “I only met her that day, I never heard from her after that?” I say. Silence. “Does Nomandla’s granny know her?” She asks. What does that have to do with anything? I raise my head to look at her, she looks back at me with her eyebrows raised, I look away. “Yes” I say, softly. “I thought you said only Malume and James know” she says. Well yeah, I didn’t tell gogo nothing how was I supposed to know what Nonhle might have said to her? I keep quiet. “She was telling me about how polygamy is not easy and I should persevere. She kept on talking about your other lazy wife who wears pants and I had to sit there pretending like I already knew things I didn’t know. Why would you hurt me like that Sakhile?” She asks and I can hear her voice breaking, I feel a cut deep in my heart “I’m sorry Fezile” That’s all I can say, I feel a knot in my throat. “Do you love her?” “No! I love you and only you” How can she doubt that? “Am I not woman enough for you? Or was this your revenge? Did you sleep with her to hurt me back because…” She pauses before she breaks down I quickly act, no sure what to do I find myself kneeling next to her, she won’t give me her hand to hold. “This is not your fault my love, it’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have gotten in that car” “But you did!” “And I’m sorry for that Fez, tell me what to do so I can fix this… Please” Silence,

She’s not saying anything but I know she’s listening to me so I keep talking.”Nkosikazi(my wife) as you know I haven’t been feeling well lately so the other day I went to see a sangoma, Mahlangu he lives in the opposite side of KZN that’s why I came home late” I say. She wipes her face with her hand, I can tell that she’s listening attentively. “A lot of things have been happening recently and as much as most of them were good some of them were not and we turned to ignore them. He said a lot of things but most importantly he advised me to do a little ceremony in honor of my parents, to let go of the anger I have for them so we can gain their protection back, the past is dragging me back and I can’t face it alone I need you, please” I’m now squatting down next to her holding onto the side of her camp chair. I look at her, she seems to be thinking hard. “Malumekazi mentioned something like that when Malume was cleaning this room, something about distancing you from the things that might remind you of the past” She says. Wait how much does she know exactly? And malume is the one who cleaned here? All by himself? Where was I when all this was happening? “When was this?” I ask, “I’m not sure, but I think it was when Thoba was in hospital, the day after you and Malume went out the whole night to look for his stolen cows or something” That day is actually the night he whooped my ass in the gym and took my gun, we had to come up with a story as to where we were the whole night. “He clean and painted the day we went to visit Gogo” she adds, she looks around the room and smiles “He actually did a great job” she says, true that. It looks like perfect.

Now that’s she has calmed down let me ask, “What did the doctor say? I could tell that you were scared when you sent me those texts” I ask. “We had a minor problem with the scan, the heartbeat was too low, at some point the ultrasound was silent” What! A knot in my stomach “Everything is fine, we checked again yesterday” she adds when she sees me panicking, that’s a relief. A part of me believes that our unborn child was really in danger and my visit to Mahlangu helped somehow. Silence. I look at her again and the smile on her face is gone “Why do you walk around with condoms in your pocket?” I knew that question was coming. Jesus help me, is it even fair to involve Him in such? “Mahlangu gave them to me” “To do what with them?” That’s rather a very childish question, adults don’t make balloons with condoms. I take a deep sigh. “He seems to think that She might have used something on me when we were seeing each other back then, like a spell…” She laughs, you know that ‘laughing but not laughing’ sound? Yes that one “Okay just because she’s a homewrecker it doesn’t mean she’s a witch” she says before I could even finish. “I know, but I also know how I lose myself in her presence, it’s not natural and it’s not safe, for all of us” I say, I’m not sure if I’m explaining it correctly. She sits silently for a while before she tries to get up but she falls back and I quickly catch her, I think sometimes when she’s mad she forgets that she’s seven months pregnant. I sit on her chair and pass the jar and glass to her, turns out we’re done talking “Is Nomandla Zolani’s child?” She asks standing next to the door, what the hell! “What?” What kind of a sick joke is this? “Since all the men in my life are cheating, Thobah cheated on Nancy, there is you and your… It’s only fair to think that he’s capable of it too” “Haibo Fezile!” I don’t know what’s wrong with her. “It can’t be a coincidence that she looks exactly like his twins” Jesus I’m looking at her and I see that she’s serious about this.

I did say Nomandla looked familiar, even her smile and the tone of her voice sounds very familiar but I never thought that… This is crazy, “Let me guess, you never even thought about it” she says, I don’t know what to say I’m shook. “Men!” She says shaking her head before she exits. What is that suppose to mean?

It’s just after 11am and I’m leaving the house to give her space, it’s been a hectic morning and I don’t want to sit around and be on her face the whole day, she probably hates my guts right now so I’m going to work. The reception desk is empty, James’s office too. I wonder where is everyone? The envelope from Mphemba Media is still here, I thought I put it in the top drawer that day but it turns out I left it here on top of the desk, let me put it away I’ll read it when I have time, oh the one in the drawer is still here so there’s two now. I must read it then maybe it’s something important. “Incident report…” The tittle reads, it’s an official police report about the accident that involved the taxi and one of my vans, it details everything from how the van was driving in high speed to the bottles of vodka found burnt inside it on the day of the accident, the driver tested negative, no alcohol was detected in his system. How did anyone get hold of this information and how the hell is it on my desk? Is this even legal? I put this one aside while I pull out the one I left in the drawer the other day. I quickly go through it, It’s more of the same thing except this one is a report about the cars that were stolen in my house, there’s even pictures that were taken when the remains of the car where recoverd in one of the sugarcane farms in Umbumbulu, a thought that James once planted in my head resurfaces. The report says nothing about the Cressida or the suspects except that they were 3 male figures by the time I’m done my head is spinning.

“Morning Mr Zulu, I didn’t know you were coming in today, I just came back from the hospital” She says, I didn’t even see her come in. I quickly put the papers in front of me upside down, “Hospital?” I ask “Yes, Lunga’s medical aid could not cover the hospital bill so T said the company will cover the costs, with you and Mr Hussein unavailable I had to go and sign for that before they can discharge him” She explains, I’m assuming that T is Thobani he’s the only one who can make these crazy decisions. That boy has no respect for money whatsoever. “Where is James?” I ask, “He’s not back yet from Mpumalanga, he’ll probably be here tomorrow morning, please call me if you need anything” she says, before she leaves my office. I’m still stunned by the fact that James is out of town and he didn’t even tell me, I saw his call earlier but I thought that he wanted to talk about work so I left it to ring then after I sent him a text saying I’ll call him later.

It’s in times like these that I miss Fezile, when my head is spinning and things are not looking favourable she always knows how to calm me down, I miss our chats, me teasing her about her big eyes and stubborn self her mocking me about my complexion and my inability to catch up with the world especially this technology thing, I only got my first touchscreen phone last year. She has jokes when you need to laugh and intelligent insight when you need it, her giggles are like music in my ears and her touch sends shivers down my spine. I’m standing here in the office with my hands in my pockets because that’s what my uncle taught me “Even when you feel defeated stand up straight!” “Indoda ayikhali ifela ngaphakathi (Men don’t cry)” he used to add, I’m not sure if I listened to the second one because I’ve definitely shed a tear when the throat was too tiny to spit out what the heart and brain wanted to say, one time that stands out for me was watching Fezile walking down the isle, I really tried holding them back with rapid blinking but eventually I left them to fall like a floor washing down all the pain that came with being me, I thought I wasn’t allowed to be happy that God hated me, us. I mean why on earth would he allow my father to treat my mother the way he did? Why would he distance him from us if he knew he was going to take him sooner? Why wouldn’t he give me a better paying job? What kind of a God would not give my uncle children of his own when he is the best parent I’ve ever seen! God gets it wrong too, doesn’t he? But that day he changed all that I thought and felt about him when he allowed to live happily ever after with the woman of my dreams. I’m looking at the picture frame of her on the wall. She looks so happy, she has the most perfectly innocent smile in the whole wide world. I close my eyes and lean back on the chair maybe I’ll dream about her or even better when I wake up I’ll know what to do.

________________________

The past three days have been okay, not good and not everything is back to normal but at least we’re trying to make it work, the other day before I came to work I made sure that I make tea for her and some biscuits while she was still in bed. She didn’t go to work so during the day I had some florist deliver a dozen of white roses to her at home and she called me to say thank you. James came back from Mpumalanga and his excuse for not telling me was that he didn’t want to remind me about the day Thobani got hurt, it’s very thoughtful of him and honestly I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that day and for the mess and pain I caused to everyone who loves me, now I know I was bewitched and that I wasn’t consciously aware of a huge part of what was happening but I still think getting in that Uber and taking that first hug is where I went wrong, had I not, a lot could have been avoided. Just thinking about it makes me angry, I almost lost everything because of that stupid mistake!

The meeting in Mpumalanga went well and as much as we’re are no longer interested in building a new car wash that side due to the shortage of water in that province, climate change is real. We’ve decided that for all the small events they would like to do in Durban we’ll provide the venue. We’ll use the vacant space in the building as a venue for small events and gatherings, it’s about the size of a tennis court and it should cater for a 100-150 people depending on the setting, they’ll still have to get their own decor and catering people because we’re not going to that business we’ll just provide a safe venue and a safe parking space. It was all James’s plan but I couldn’t agree more with it I think it’s brilliant. I asked him to trace Nonhle for me, he was reluctant at first but he knows when I seriously need something. Nonhle is a chapter I need closed for good but as long as we’re somehow ‘spiritually’ tied she’s always going to be an obstacle in our way, she needs to go, now.

I went home tired, took a bath and enjoyed a home cooked meal I haven’t had in a while, it was curry and rice but because it was cooked with love by my love it tastes like love, respect and comfort. She fell asleep while I was massaging her feet and after putting her in bed under the blanket I sat on the couch and watched her breath in and out peacefully, her stomach was moving like waves with a potential of a new life inside it. Women are truly fascinating mysterious creatures.

Yesterday was kinda busy, business is back to normal and everyone is giving their best. Lunga came in to ask when should he come back from his leave, I wasn’t sure whether I should give him his job back since I still need to figure out if he was the course of the accident or not so I told him to leave his contact details with Phumi we’ll let him know, soon after that I got a text from Thobani literally begging me to give Lunga his job back, he even said he has a pregnant girlfriend and he’s the only breadwinner at home and truth be told I never had a problem with Lunga or any of the drivers here it was probably the taxi driver’s fault so I said I’ll seen what I can do. I think I’ll make him Fezile’s chauffeur, he’ll drive her where ever she wants to go. Thobani is very scares these days he’s always too busy to even pop by uninvited like his old self, not that I’m complaining but family is important to me and I have seen him become less worried about family and more concerned about the people, the public and the students movement. I’m worried about him but also I trust him.

Bheki just left now, he was here to ask for a favour, doing people favours is part of my life. He needs me to accompany him to the Ntulis (Zolani’s house) to ask for forgiveness, the last time we were there he put on a show but now he needs to finish paying lobola so that they can go ahead with his traditional wedding preparations. I agreed to help him provided he comes with his brothers, we need to know him better and all the people who are part of his life because there seem to be a lot of layers to him as a person that we still need to figure out. And there was that thing of his “Ndabezitha if anyone asks when last you saw me please tell them I went to Nkandla” He said, I’ve never quite understood that part of him and the reasons why he always has to have someone vouching for him but a simple ‘okay’ is all I said. “Deliver for you Sir” Phumi says when she walks in, she puts three Tupperware bows on top of my desk, they range from the biggest one at the bottom to the smallest one on top. “What’s this?” I ask I didn’t order any bowls only Fezile buys this stuff she even has the exact same range at home, same colour too.

“Boss your brother wants to speak to you” James says when he walks in carrying a laptop in his hands, everyone just walks in they don’t even knock. Chronicles of being a nice boss. “Mrs Zulu hand delivered these she’s said she’s rushing somewhere and if she came up here she’ll get delayed” She explains , Fezile was here? I look at the driveway in the front through the window “She left a few minutes ago, I had to go to the kitchen and warm the food”she says, oh okay I’m a little disappointed I won’t lie. James puts the laptop in front of me and I see Thobani on the screen. He looks different, I can see he’s wearing a formal suit but there’s something different about his face too “I know I have a beard now but I swear I still look handsome you don’t have to scrutinize me so hard” He laughs after that, he’s still stupid I see “That’s not a beard it’s a mustache”I say he laughs again, James too. Phumi waves. She standing in front of my desk so she can’t really see the screen. “Phumi says hello” I say she seems shocked but pleased at the same time “Oh she’s there? What’s up Phumz!” He says a little louder. She says hi back. I place the screen sideways so that Phumi can see him too. James is already opening the bowls, there’s… Oh yeah! The biggest one has Jeqe(steamed bread) the next one has Usu (tripe) and the small one has the salad, tomato and onion sambal with a lot of chilli pepper just the way I like it. “Look at what we’re having” James says when he moves the bowls ones by one across the screen. “Come on this is not fair! That’s a nice number you are wearing there Phumz” only Thobani can move from food to skirts in less than a second. She blushes. “Are you okay there? Where are you?” I ask,I miss him I really do but I need to eat before the food gets cold. “OMG! is that the Union buildings?” Phumi asks, there’s this stupid smile only Thobani has when he’s being really mischievous. “You know what! You must stay there in Pretoria don’t come back here. How can you meet with the president without telling me?” Phumi says, that’s a very happy face for someone who’s disappointed. “This is a private meeting between presidents” he says, we are now just looking at them hoping one of them would find it sensible to fill us in. “There is a secret meeting between President Cyril, the minister of higher education and SRC presidents of the 26 South African universities…” That’s Phumi “The meeting is classified and we can’t discuss what it’s about nor can we disclose the exact date and time it’s going to take place. We are only allowed to tell one next of kin, that’s why I called you Bhuti” he says, dead serious. And he chose me. I don’t know what to say, I’m so proud of him and in this suit and that ‘beard’ of his he looks just like dad. “Ndabezitha, Mageba, Sthuli SikaNdaba” That’s all I can think of, to praise him. He’s truly living our ancestors’ wildest dream. He doesn’t know how to react either, he always feels embarrassed when I complement him.

“When the meeting is over call Cyril on the side and tell him we’re tired of load shedding!” oh oh Phumi is not having it “And tell him to organize permanent citizenship for me too” James, we all look at each other before we burst into laughter then after he says good bye. My cellphone rings, I step aside to answer it. When I come back Phumi is gone and so are the bowls of food. “She went to warm the food, it had gotten cold” James says “Are you okay?” He asks, I don’t know that was a rather strange call “That was Umlazi police station, They want to see me”.

“Honey I’m home!”I say when I walk in, Mnqobi runs to me out of nowhere he wants to take my bag but I can’t risk him dropping it a damaging my laptop so I give him my jacket and car keys instead. I just came back from the station, it turns out that an old man who would like to remain anonymous found a gun while he was driving to church and he took it to the police station, they managed to trace it back to me since it’s registered under my name and they think that it might have been stolen from my house together with the cars. “We have ran bullistics to find out if the gun has been used recently and if it’s implicated in any crimes at all” that police officer said. Malume is a genius I know that the anonymous man is him and he went through all this to save my dumbass because he thinks I used the gun to kill the thugs who stole my cars. So even if I killed them, of which I didn’t I would not be arrested because that crime would have taken place at the time that the gun was ‘stolen’ from me.

Phumi called to say there’s a woman who came looking for me, I told her to say I’m away on a holiday but she kept on insisting that the woman looks desperate so I asked her to make an appointment for tomorrow morning . “You’re back early”she says when she walks in the living room I stand up and go to her, he hold hands and kiss “Mncwwwwah” Mnqobi say, Mncwwwwah my foot! “Go to your room!” I say what does he know about kissing? Fezile laughs. “How was your day love” I ask but before she can answer the landline rings, I pick it up. “Hello” “Boss there is a lady outside the gate who wants to come in but she doesn’t have her ID document” that’s AK our head of security, he has a long Nigerian name we can’t pronounce so everyone calls him AK . I can’t seem to know who that might be, I ask Fezile if she’s expecting anyone she says no. “You know the rules AK, we don’t change them to suit anyone” “Yes Boss” he cuts the call. Fezile takes off my tie and unbuttons my shirt the phone rings again. “Hello” “Boss…” “AK what is it now?” I don’t want no phonecalls, not when my wife’s hands are running on my chest and shoulders. “She says her name is Non-T-le and she’s your friend sir” AK says WTF! “Hi AK” Fezile jumps in she’s been here all along she heard the whole conversation. “Yes Ma’am” AK. “Is her Name Nonhle?” She ask, oh Lord! please say no

“Yes Ma’am”

Fezile let’s go of me “AK tell that woman she’s not welcome here if I see her here again I’ll call the police!” I say, I look at her in front of me she’s red, she can’t even hide. “So I must chase her away?”AK , he’s still asking? “Yes damnit!”I shout. “AK are you still there?” That’s Fezile I wonder what is she up to. “Nonhle is a friend so let her in” she says, “I’m sorry Ma’am but Boss said…” “I know what Boss said AK, he didn’t know that She is a friend of mine, now please let her in, okay” Fezile. I look at her in the eyes and all I can see is fire. “Yes Ma’am” AK. “Sweetheart please” I’m miming behind her as she counts the steps towards the door, the gate opens, my stomach turns. The doorbell rings.

I thought we were headed to the main house but now we are walking to the back yard, we aren’t the only guests here tonight judging by the noise coming from the kitchen. I already saw the kids and their grandmother earlier but It seems like the whole family is here. “Shit!” I say politely “Careful” He says. I just bumped into the wooden chair outside here next to the pool, we’re are walking fast and I wish we could get there already. I’m still walking behind him when he gets in one of the back doors, up the stairs, we walk in the passage and head straight to the bar area. It looks bigger than the last time I was here and the in-house bar tender gets us ‘the usual’ as we sit down to discuss whatever it is that is bothering him. With the day I’ve had I could do with something stronger, “whiskey on the rocks” the black guy in a white shirt, black bowtie and black apron says when he puts the glasses before us. “Thank you” I say picking up the glass and taking a sip in the traditional way. “Jonnie Walker Blue label” I say looking at him standing in front of us. He nods, seemingly impressed. Zolani drinks his, roughly with no respect for tradition whatsoever(The tradition of drinking whiskey is that you pour a bit in a glass, shake it slowly, smell it and then after taking a sip you ‘chew’ it a bit before swallowing. If you are kind enough you can guess the brand of the whiskey and how old it is). “Tedd refill” He says as he puts the class with only ice cubes left on the counter. The bar-tender’s name is Tedd and he knows better than to question him so he quietly pours a glass for his boss and for me too. Zolani again drinks it all in one go “More” He says, Tedd looks at me I figure he wants me to say something, like what? I don’t know. “Tedd give us a minute” I say “Tedd pour me a drink” Zolani says in a soft voice that intentionally reminds Tedd who is his boss. Poor guy pours another drink and quickly disappears before he is asked for some more. Over the years I’ve learned not to ask “what’s wrong?” unless it’s the only option, I believe that when you dig out or ask for a problem you must at least have a solution to give afterwards otherwise you’ll be looking like a nosey person who just wants to know stuff for the sake of knowing and laughing about it. So I’m just going to keep quiet and let him drown in the glasses of whiskey until he grows a pair… “Do you trust me?” He asks, after what seemed like a good two minutes of silence. I look at him, not because I don’t understand the question I just didn’t expect it and Do I trust him ? I mean I did, completely. Until a few minutes ago when I found parts of the car that was stolen from my house in his garage. Is that a good enough reason not to trust him though? “Yeah, I do” I say convincingly. His face is blank, he doesn’t even react to the response I gave him. Quiet. “Then you won’t have a problem with my announcements later on at the dinner table, I need you to trust me” he says. Now I’m not sure what I’m committing to but judging by the state he is in, he can do with support of any kind so I nod. *Text alert* “where are you?” A text from Fezile. “Bar, upstairs with your brother” I text back. “They are coming for me” He says staring at the glass of melting ice in his hand. Who is they? “They…?” I ask but he doesn’t answer, I think he was thinking out loud I can clearly see that his mind is miles away, leave the fact that he might be tipsy or drunk even but there is something really bothering him. *Phone rings* There are landline extensions in all the rooms of this house include the bathrooms. Tedd reappears to answer the phone. “Ntuli residence hello… Ma’am… yes… Okay. Goodbye ma’am” He is very polite. He comes to stand before us again, in front of me this time and now that I pay attention to him, despite the muscles and the rich Limpopo accent he looks young more like Thobani’s age or a year older. “Mr Zulu, ma’am Fezile says I must let you know that dinner is ready” He says, as for why she couldn’t text me that I don’t know.

As much as I hate being ambushed I have to admit that this dinner with the whole family is one of the best things I’ve done this season and I was right, everybody is here including Phindile, Sonto and Bheki. I wonder if all of them were also told at such short notice or it was pre planned. The women in this family really know their way around the kitchen and credit should be given to mother-in-law, she raised her daughters well. Zolani’s wife is a great cook too she even has receipt to show for it, she came second in a national reality cooking show and she has co-written a cook book alongside another male chef from West Africa, Nigeria or Ghana I can’t remember. It’s been all laughter and joy while we binged and even now no one really knows why we are here, it can’t be we came to eat and laugh. I for one already know that Zolani has something serious to tell us all and as much as he’s been playing along with the jokes and laughed when we all did he’s been pretty quiet here. He clears his throat and everybody goes quiet. We all know he wants to say something. He and his mother are sitting opposite each other on either sides of the table. His wife, Fezile and myself are seated on his left hand side opposite Phindile, Sonto and her husband to be. We’re are all eager to hear what he has to say except his mother who judging by the look on her face is not happy at all. “It might not seem like that all the time but I love my family and I would do anything to protect it…”He stops to clear his throat again. Let me just put it out there, those words he just said I didn’t see them coming. “Earlier today mother and I spoke about the upcoming events that will definitely be of public interest and I have spent the last few days thinking about ways to shy away from the media and papers and news for now…” Okay now I’m confused and I’m not the only one. “Fezile, you and Zulu have an exclusive magazine feature due next month?” He asks, What? I don’t know about that. “Yes, it’s not about us. They’ll be profiling the business, most of the shoots were taken on the day we opened” Fezile says while rubbing my thigh under the table, she’s trying to apologise for not telling me about this. “No wonder I haven’t seen anything on tabloids about that night, girl You had top billing there?” Phindile always has to be herself. “I don’t know, maybe maybe not” Fezile says with a little smile and Phindile is not impressed. But they laugh it off. She should have told me though. We are back to being silent, “Mrs Ntuli is also working on a project that she is planning to finish early next year…” He’s interrupted by his wife in a polite manner “I’m writing a book that I plan to publish next year.” She says. I think she felt like it being called a ‘project’ sounds secretive. Mother-in-law seems impressed. “Yeah a book… And then there is the wedding in two months” He says. Quiet. Everytime the topic of Sonto getting married is mentioned the faces always change, it’s like all of them are not ready to accept that she’s an adult and she’s old enough to be able to take care of her own kids and husband, they have two children for crying out loud or maybe it’s who she’s getting married to that’s a problem, I just don’t get it and now there’s this awkwardness in the table everyone pretending to be happy about the wedding. “Who is designing your dress Fez? I’m thinking of going with an unknown designer” Phindile tries to light up the mood but instead it gets more awkward when Fezile can’t answer that question because she hasn’t even started preparing for the damm wedding, as much as she is happy for her sister deep inside I know she wishes she could just wake up one day and find out that Sonto is going back to finish her studies or she’s getting married to a different person, someone who is less “creepy” as she calls him. “Your brother wants you to cancel all your plans until he decides that you can go ahead…” Mother. What? “What!” Sonto asks, we are all shocked and confused. “I didn’t say cancel, I said we must shy away from the media and going ahead with these things is going to attract publicity…” Zolani explains but his mother doesn’t wait for him to finish “So the only way we can achieve this ‘privacy’ is to cancel everything! Right” Mother. She can be hot headed when she wants. “You are not serious, right?” Fezile, the tone of her voice says she’s not happy. I hold her hand under the table but she pulls it away. “It’s just postponing until I get to figure out certain things…” Zolani tries to explain. Silence. “Well, with the book it’s easy, I will carry on with the writing and finish it in time but I’ll delay the publishing so you don’t have to worry about it” Zolani’s wife says. I was expecting her to side with him. She’s his wife. Everyone is looking at me now so I must say something. At least I have a little bit of a back story, not much but he did ask me to trust him and that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t report to no one, ever. I make my own decisions and never have I ever had to cancel my plans because of someone else other than my wife. So today I’m going against my principle. “I am not sure how things work in the magazine and tv world but we will talk to those people and see if we can… Err delay the airing of the episode… mmm” Aww! Fezile just kicked me in the ankle, that’s abuse. “So let me get this straight, you say you want us to cancel our plans and everyone just does what you want? no one wants to know the ‘Why’?” Bheki breaks his silence. Whoa! No one saw that coming and all our eyeballs are out. Especially the Ntulis they are ‘eyecally’ gifted. “Babe, come down, we are not going to cancel the wedding, are we brother?” Sonto asks. Silence. “Ma?” She asks again more like pleading with her mother. “Don’t look at me, you know your brother once he’s made up his mind it’s not easy trying to change it” Mother. Bheki shakes his head, he’s mad understandably so, he can’t even hide it. “I think it’s time for me to go home” he says standing up, he’s smiling to blur the fire in his eyes, it’s red and dangerous and they should let him go because there’s no telling what will happen next if he stays one more minute. “Love please” Sonto says pulling his arm. Bad idea! There is something about the way she says this, she sounds scared. “Don’t you see what’s happening here? No one wants me here!” Bheki loses it. You should see the shock in all our faces. “Macingwane…” I try to say something but he shuts me up “What! It’s true. I saw the disappointment on everyone’s face the first time they saw me, how they looked at me then, the same way they look at me now like I’m a downgrade of some sort…” “Watch your mouth young man, I don’t care how you were raised but you’ll not raise your voice on my family and you most certainly will not address me while standing. Not in my house!” Zolani bursts out of anger too. This is not a good thing. Especially when he’s had more than 3 glasses of whiskey. “There you said it, ‘Your family’ I knew I never was included in the big fancy family…” “Bheki come let’s get some air” I say, I know Zolani didn’t mean it like that and with Sonto looking like she’s about to cry next thing we are going to have a bunch of sobbing women “… I come from humble beginnings you know, my parents died with nothing and left me to take care of my younger brothers. The twins are two years younger than me and they don’t know whether they are coming or going. The youngest one is in matric this year and we never had an easy life. At some point I wanted to kill them and then kill myself too just so we would spare people the burden of having to lend us money we couldn’t pay back or buy us food and school uniform. I had my first job when I was 12 years old at a sugarcane farm in Umbumbulu. Juggling school and working and because of that I only finished school late. I got a better paying job whilst hustling on the side… and one day while I was trying to find my purpose of living and what life really meant to me I found someone who made want to live, someone who believes that I need to be taken care of too, that I need to be loved to. She took care of me and gave me two beautiful children, she’s become my purpose and my reason to continue living. She doesn’t judge me nor make fun of the way I dress up. She’s my soulmate and you people want to take her away from me! God damnit How cruel can you be!” There is a knot on his throat and to avoid crying he roughly trows the napkin on the table and rushes off, the sliding door doesn’t open, he looks around before going up the stairs. I follow him. Everyone has gone silent on the table.

“Macingwane… Bheki stop.” I am rushing after him but he won’t stop good thing I’m wearing short pants they make climbing these stairs a bit easier. I’m now in the passage but I don’t know where he’s disappeared to, not sure if I must wait, go outside or back to the table. He comes out from the TV room with both his children held up against his chest with each arm. “What are doing?” I ask, I know exactly what he’s doing. “I’m going home where I belong and I am taking my children with me” He says, still visibly furious. The kids are not moving so I assume they are sleeping, I stand in front of him. “You have to calm down, don’t do things you will regret later” I say, the worst part is that I completely understand his anger, his brokenness and how much he’s worked trying to prove himself and to realize or feel like his efforts is going unnoticed should really cut deep. “I thought that out of all of them, at least you’d understand” He says in a tone that screams disappointment. I’m hurt, but this is not about me. I slowly move aside and allow him to pass, if he wants to go he can go. He goes, his pace is a bit slower now. “You are right, I don’t understand” I say a little louder because he’s a few feet away from me. I’m not even looking at him but there’s no sound of footsteps I take it he has stopped. “If she’s really your soulmate, the reason why you live then where the fuck are you going without her?” This is emotional blackmail but the aim is to do anything to get his attention, once he’s in a space where he asks questions or guidance then I can manage to tell him what to do, I can control the situation. Something is squeezing my left leg, I look down to check, it’s Mnqobi. Other kids are sleeping but not him. I kneel down and pick him up. He doesn’t look like he’s slept at all. “Ice trim” He says point at Bheki and his children, “You want ice cream?” I ask, I shouldn’t be asking him this because even if he says yes he won’t have it now it’s too late. Good, he shakes his head, but if not, what’s the story with ice cream then? He’s very restless I put him down and he runs to Bheki who is still standing there next to the exit, he holds Bheki’s leg and tells him something about ice cream also. I walk to them and I ask him again “what happened with ice cream?” Mnqobi can talk loudly but right now he’s acting like a snail. He slowly walks to me and whisperes in my ear “Mami said she’s going to give us ice trim tomorrow, if they go now who’s is going to eat their ice trim?” He says, by ‘they’ he’s referring to his cousins. This is sad and I’m glad Bheki heard and now he must answer him… Before he could answer Sonto appears and their eyes find each other. There is something in the way he looks at her, it’s beautiful and grievously protective. Three is definitely a crowd so I take my son and off we go. Infact let me tell Fezile we must go home, I am not sleeping here tonight.

_________________________

“Sakhile do you have any idea how hard it was to pull off that photo shoot? How long it took to get the pictures edited and the sound in check, let alone the channel that wanted to air the episode midday…” She kept on coming at me for siding with her brother, I didn’t know about the TV thing until that night yet somehow I should have been considerate of her time and effort. When will women stop blaming men for situations that they put themselves in? I’ve been feeling unwell lately maybe I’m catching flu, I left home early because madam is mad at me, still no word from the Ntulis about what happened after we left, not that I want to know that’s an issue they need to sort out without outsiders, well technically we are family but you know, it’s a Ntulis issue and I am not a Ntuli, neither is Fezile, she’s a Zulu now. Thobani and his girlfriend are back together again, I don’t know all the details but when we came back from Zolani’s house that night we found them home, security had let them in after they properly identified them. Thobani hates the new system, not because he doesn’t understand why we need it he just hates that it does not complement his ‘I do what I want when I want to’ kind of a life, I haven’t seen him making big speeches or creating awareness about nothing lately I hope he’s taking all the energy out on his studies. He needs to finish schooling and get himself a proper job… Okay this thing is really painful, it’s like a drop but I know it’s not one because I haven’t had sex in a long time, three days, that’s 72hours. Sometimes it feel like my bladder is going to burst and there is a huge discomfort in my abdomen as well. This morning I had wet dreams, at my age can you imagine how confusing that was? Thank God my wife was sleeping when I woke up otherwise things would have been very awkward.

“Sir the meeting will start in fifteen minutes”_ she beeps in just to say that and leaves, I still haven’t learned her name but she works in the front desk, she’s part of the new staff we hired when we expanded our horizons. It looks like everyone is already in the boardroom so we might as well get it over and done with. “It looks like everyone is here, shall we start?” I say as I pull the chair a little bit back. James is here to engineer the meeting, Thobani is here to do the Treasury work, this lady will be… “Phumi is going to be the new secretary” James says, I must have been staring at her, damn me! “Where is Fezile?”_ James. Oh snap! This is a shareholders’ meeting and since she owns a percentage in the company she has to be here. “Sorry I’m late, actually I’m three minutes early” She says and goes to find a spot far opposite mine, she winks at me before sitting down, Thobani saw it and now he’s smiling, bloody moron.

The meeting is short and before I know it everyone is packing their folders and one by one they leave the boardroom, except Fezile who is looking, staring at me actually. “What?”I ask, rude isn’t it? But she can’t be staring at me like I’m five. “You said it’s just flu…” “Yes, and maybe a stomach bug” I interrupt her, next thing she’s going to want me to go see a doctor. Awww that sharp pain again in my abdomen I quickly pull the chair to sit down. “Okay that’s it we’re going to see a doctor now” She says and she means it. “Aren’t you suppose to get back to work?” I ask. Now that I can’t deny that I’m not feeling well, to avoid going to the doctor my best shot is to annoy her. “I took the whole afternoon off…” “What if they need you back now?” “No they won’t, because just like me they are fully capable…” “But you won’t know for sure until you call them, right?” The way she’s looking at me say she’s getting pissed off,red chicks and all. But somehow she smiles, dismissively. “I’m fine, I need to rest that’s all” “Okay let me put it like this…” Oh oh that doesn’t sound very good, “…you share a house with your 5 year old son and your pregnant wife and I’m sure you don’t want to infect them with your flu, so must I call a doctor or you can find a place to sleep tonight?” She says, she’s a bully. I married a bully. There’s only one option really so we are headed to the doctor, Google already thinks I have signs of abdomen cancer, can you believe it?

The doctor thinks it’s nothing serious, probably not cancer but he ran some tests and gave me two shots of injection, antibiotics and some pain tablets, I also asked for viagra. Fezile spent most of the time with the other dentists until I was done then we left together. When we came home Thobani and Nancy were here with Mnqobi, they’ve been whispering around the house, all of them including my wife, I walked in, greeted them and went straight to bed. I’m glad I saw the doctor the pain is gone… I’m woken up by the noise in the dining room, there’s a quarrel I’m not sure what’s it about. “He’s going to be mad when he finds out…” Nancy says. “Sis’Fezile don’t tell him, not until he’s feeling better” Thobani says. I walk in from the bedroom and go straight to the fridge, get an apple and walk back, there’s this silence like they’ve suddenly went mute. I turn around and look at their faces, inspecting them one by one, none of them is looking at me not even Fezile. “What’s going on?” I ask, I’m tired to be honest by I can’t stand deciet. Nancy moves to stand behind Thobani, I fix my eyes on Fezile, she’s the one person who knows me when I’m playing and when I’m not. “The detective working on the cars case said that the investigation has been called off due to lacking evidence” She says, not sure if she’s pissed or sad. “Oh” I sure didn’t mean to say it that loud. “That’s all you’re going to say? ‘Oh’?” Thobani asks? They are never going to find evidence, not when the cars or car parts in this case are at Zolani’s garage. “We’ve got so much to live for, life is too short to worry about stolen cars” I read their faces again as I say this, Nancy looks relieved, my wife looks confused and Thobani looks angry. My phone rings it’s James. “James… I’m at home, yeah yeah what’s up? What! When?” No no no! I run quickly to get my keys and my licence “How bad is it? … Where about in Southgate? Okay I’ll be there shortly” I cut the call but before I leave the house “Thobah don’t leave this house until I get back…” Fezile stands up furiously and walks towards the bedroom. “There’s been an accident”I say, she stops and turns to look at me “One of the mobile car wash vehicles collided with a taxi in Southgate” I say. “Oh my God!” Nancy. “Who was driving, Sticks, Joe or Lunga?” Thobani. “Is the driver okay, are you going to need the breakdown to pull the vehicle?” Fezile asks as I’m about to answer them, my phone rings again “James… oh okay that’s a good thing, right? And the van?…” He takes a few seconds before riping the heart out of my chest. “The driver was Lunga and he’s been taken to the hospital. The van… It … It burnt to ashes.” I say and then I leave.

Yesterday was not a good day and this morning too I had to pass by hospital to see the driver before coming to work, thank goodness for the BMW otherwise Uber would be rich from my pocket by now. As I park I can see a lot of cars in the wash bays but I don’t see our employees. I great the lady in the front desk and take the lift. Why is desk not cleaned? There are papers everywhere. “Thats an envelope from Mphemba Media” Phumi says pointing at one of the papers on top of my desk, where did she come from? “I took the stairs, it’s just two storeys, little hustle” She says like she read my mind. “Mphemba Media?” I say looking at the envelope, it’s from one of Zolani’s companies, he likes naming his businesses with his clan names, Mphemba Media, Sompisi logistics, Ntuli construction and so forth. “It was hand delivered this morning, the second one is a load shedding timetable from the municipality and that one is…” “What? There’s no water!” I didn’t mean to shout but I’m not happy. “This area will be out of water for the next 24-48 hours according to that letter also from the municipality” She says and then waits. She seems on top of her game. “Thank you” I say. I’m impressed with her work. “Would you like tea or coffee?” She asks, I don’t know if it’s me or she seems a bit more relaxed now it must be the ‘thank you’ I gave and I would really love a cold savanna right now. “Water and lemon would be nice” I say and see bows her head and before she steps out. I throw myself on the chair and cover my face with a newspaper, I need to sleep, maybe when I wake up I’ll figure out a way to run the biggest and busiest car wash in town with no water and no electricity… There is a knock on the door, I move the paper and sit up straight. It’s Thobani, shouldn’t he be in campus? “Good morning” he says, okay that’s a first. “Morning” I say. He’s still standing there. “Take a seat” I say taking the remote to switch on the air-conditioning. “My first lecture is at 11am so I thought I should pop in to say hi before I …” He mumbles, he’s a bad lier he should know that by now and all I have to do is look at him in the face until he tells the truth. Silence. “Malume says that you know why you are sick, he says you also know why in the accident Lunga came out with minor scratches but the van perished.” He is not looking at me. “You spoke to him?” I ask. “He called, he says…” He takes a glance at me then looks away again. “What did he say?” I ask, I know he said I’m stubborn and and and… “He said he told you what to do before he left but you ignored his advice” “I didn’t ignore him I’ve been busy, that’s all” “And when are you going to stop being busy! When all of us are dead?” WTF! I stand up and walk towards the window, he runs to the door. I’m not going to beat him up, not in here at least even though he’s being disrespectful. “Is that what he told you? That everyone is going to die?” I ask. “No, but he said you know what to do and if you don’t do it you’re putting all our lives in danger.” He says. “Okay” I say. Silence. “So you’re going to do it?” He asks, I turn and look at him, he’s not being rude he sincerely wants to know. “Yeah I’ll do it” I say and he seems relieved. After he leaves I call Malume, take the swearing but in the end I got what I needed- directions to Mahlangu’s hut. I get in the car and off to KwaMhlabuyalingana.

The greatest thing about traveling alone is that you don’t have to watch your speed, okay maybe you do you know because of the traffic police but you don’t have a voice of a lady telling you to drive slowly. I raved the car from the moment I passed the first tollgate, with the music playing loud and the cloudy weather I didn’t even feel the 5 hour drive. Yep that’s pretty much how far it is , I had a few stops here and there when I was asking for directions only to find a lady in that hut who told me to come back tomorrow because ‘Baba’ as she addressed him was not working today, it was 3pm then and after I explained to her how far I came from she eventually agreed to show me where ‘Baba’s home is, it’s not far from the hut. I’ve been sitting alone here in this roundavel that also looks like a place where Mahlangu works, there’s roots, leaves, powder, animal skin and bones everywhere and sangoma rugs placed neatly in one of many grass mats in here. I’ve been in many Sangoma and prophet rooms and I’m familiar with the energy you absorb in there, it’s black and sacred, you strongly feel the change in the atmosphere and right now as I sit here I can literally feel the presence of higher power. He walks in and looks at me once before he sits on his sculptured chair, he puts an animal print fabric on his shoulders and umqhele (Zulu african headband) I watch him kneel down and burn impepho (incense) as the smoke starts to come up visibly creating small clouds he yawns loudly, he glances at me again and our eyes meet. His look is sharp and piercing and intimidating. He mumbles what sounds like a long prayer before he goes back to sit on the chair and faces me, “when was the last time you visited your father’s grave?” He asks. What? “I don’t know over twenty years ago” I say. Rule number 1 never lie to a traditional healer or a sangoma. “And your mother’s grave?” He asks again, his tone is calm and bass. “A few months ago” I say. He nods… This is harder than I thought it would be.

Believe it or not he says my father has been guiding and protecting me from dinosaur years ago, he started mentioning things that happened when I was in high school, some happened while I was unemployed, some happened when I was a security guard all the way to before and after my mother died he went on and on until recently when a snake disturbed me when I was about to smash in the jungle a few weeks back, he was the snake and he was protecting me even there. “You should let go of the anger that you have against your parents, it’s not good for your family, they want to protect you from harm, they’ve been protective and shielded you all along but the anger you have in you prohibits any form of connection they want to have with you, where they are hate has no place, they live in peace and harmony and that’s what they are asking from you to make peace with everything, to heal and forgive” He says, easier said than done but I took a long drive here to find out what is wrong so I can right it and that’s what I’ll do. “You have how many wives?” He asks “One” I say. “Ever been married before, or have a tween dead or alive?” He asks, I shake my head in confusion. He looks at me for quite some time before rushing back to his burning impepho, he adds more of it and yawns numerous times, the mood has completely changed and as much as he tries to keep it cool he looks scary “There is a shadow that walks with you, it’s been in you, with you for a long time but recently something happened and it awakened it…” He says and yawns, he keeps hitting his shoulders with his ishoba (tale of a cow or wildebeest used by sangomas) “The last time you were in my hut I gave you something to drink and I asked you to come back before 15 days, what happened?” He asks, geez are we really going there? “I got caught up with work” I say, what other excuse do I have. “And have you recently noticed anything out of the ordinary?” He asks “In which way?” I respond. “In your manhood” He says. I keep quiet. “From what I see here is that many years back someone ‘trapped’ you, there was something used on you to make you love them alone and it was transferred or given to you sexually. You might have found a way to heal or control it over the years which is how you managed to get married and have kids but recently it was triggered again and it came back forcefully, does any of this sound familiar to you?” He asks “I’m not sure” I’m not sure but it does ring a bell. “Have you recently met any of the women you’ve been with in the past, let’s say way back before you had your first child?” He asks again , I know what you are thinking and you are not wrong. “Did you feel like something just took over your body? Like things happened and as much as you saw it was wrong but when it was happening it didn’t feel wrong, it was normal like you’ve never separated from one another?” This is getting serious, I change the way I was sitting. “This thing that is inside you blood ties the two of you, she has power over you and when ever you see her your sexual desire multiplies, but once you are with another woman it dies off which could make it harder to maintain erection…” “How do I get rid of this thing?” I ask, that loud yawn again. “We can remove it from you like they did before but if you happen to meet her again it will still work, it’s in her, she controls it and she controls you, to remove it completely we will have to find her blood or her hair” “I’ll find it” I say, he looks shocked, “are you sure, I don’t want you to find yourself in situations where…” “I’m sure, I’ll find her.” I still can’t believe that bitch bewitched me, it’s one thing loving someone and wanting to die together and stuff but literally going as far as using muti or whatever it is to control them that’s just down right evil. He gets me a few herbs to drink which will help me with the pain I’m feeling in my bladder and the abdomen area, he says it’ll be back to normal in three days and I’ll get my erection back also. He also advise me to visit my parents resting places and soon see if I can spend time at home in my mother’s house and slaughter something a peace offering of some sort. And he’s giving me , wait, condoms? “If you’re serious that you’re going to find her, then bring these because there’s no telling what will happen, remember as things stand she controls you. You are not yourself around her” he says. I take everything, pay and get in the car, it’s a long 5 hour drive back home again and by the time I arrive in Umlazi it’s way past 11pm and it’s dark I open the door gently, careful not to wake up anybody. I take off the shoes and walk on socks, good thing I left the herbs in the boot, I get in the bedroom and switch on the light. Holy cow! She is wide awake, sitting on the corner of the bed looking at me “Hi” she says “Hi” I say. “You knocked off very late today” she says in that mocking tone, that one that says ‘I know you are not coming from work’. “I wasn’t at work” I say unbuttoning my shirt and taking off my pants, the two condoms fall from my pants “Are you coming from Nonhle?” She asks.

I’d like this place more if it wasn’t so ancient. Since it’s summer the field are greener, the sky is clear and there is also a breath of fresh air with just the right amount of peace and silence making it easy to listen to singing birds and clucking chickens but in all honesty I can’t live in a place where there is not electricity, no accessible roads and a network that constantly has mood swings, in 2019. After his recovery Thobani helped me with finding Nomandla, “Wait you know her, too?” He asked before laughing out loud. I still don’t understand why he asked me that, he said she looks like someone we know but he wouldn’t tell me who. They first met at Wimpy where this young lady works part-time as a waiteress, he was busy speaking to her like an old friend and she played along because she didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends but before they left the restaurant she made sure to call him aside and cleared the air, very thoughtful of her. The first time I met her she looked nothing like I imagined her to be. I don’t know exactly how I thought she would look like but I’m definitely sure not like that, like this. She had the most clear skin you can think of, caramel complexion not dark yet no too light with black short hair, she was wearing a blue denim fitted dress that had gold buttons from above the knee all the way up to the chest. Our meeting was brief but I concluded that she was and still is a very smart, intelligent and polite girl even though she declined my offer to give her R1000 instead of the R200 I was given by her grandmother. It was only when I introduced her to Fezile that she finally believe I wasn’t a pervert or a blesser but I’m me. Fezile is magnetic, everyone likes her which can be both beautiful and annoying especially when random men at the hospital, mall or car wash start staring at her like she’s Eve from the Garden of Eden. They literally just got along so well and before I knew it they were video calling and texting each other. In one of our cuddling nights I told my wife about the old lady who sheltered and fed me when I was stranded in the middle of the night. I didn’t get into details but Fezile is not naive so I really had to find a way to explain to her why it was necessary to visit the old lady back. She looked at me for quite a while before taking a deep sigh, “I’d love to meet her” she said while typing nothing on my chest with her warm and soft fingers. She said it in the most sincere way possible. But then there was Thobani’s recovery and the shops opening to focus on, she promised that as soon as all that was over we were going to visit together with Nomandla. Yesterday was busy I only got to sleep in the early hours of today, she was already asleep when I got home I didn’t even get a chance to see what was underneath that dress. This morning she woke up and asked if we could come and visit here before we go back to our work schedules tomorrow and I said yes. I couldn’t risk saying no because since she’s pregnant you could wake up today and she feels like eating mayonnaise and sleeping the whole day and then you wake up tomorrow she feels like eating hot wings and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Mnqobi is still in Folweni with the rest of his cousins and his grandmother, Fezile’s mother has no life so all she does is babysit when we are busy or watch news channel or attend stokvel meetings. She’s not even that old but she decided to take an early retirement package. So it was a quick drive to Mangosuthu to pick Nomandla up, short left to Mega City Mall and a long drive here. I saw that place where I met those thugs, it was empty, I saw the offramp I so wish I never took the last time. I soldiered on driving suppressing enxiety and my mind recalling nightmares I want it to erase completely. We somewhere left the highway and joined the dusty gravel road along the way passing pedestrians who waved and smiled at us. Most of them were wearing different colours of church uniforms, it’s a Sunday today and Nomandla kept on waving back at almost all of them. Fezile’s white BMW series 6 is the car we are using, it’s small but I love it, I love her and this car just smells and feels like her and since she has a new one which she made it clear that I’m not allowed to drive, she doesn’t care about this no more. She even said I can sell it if I want to, but I won’t besides I haven’t decided what car I want to buy for myself I love big cars but also it has to be a less extravagant one I hate attention. A Jeep or Range Rover would be nice. I think this road ends here, next to this big old house that looks like a tuck shop slash tarven Nomandla jumps out of the car first and goes to speaks to someone whom I assume is the owner of this place, good we can park inside their premises, for free that’s very generous of him, you will never park for free in someone’s yard in Umlazi, people charge you for everything, whether they are changing your tire or carrying your shopping bags to the car. Soon they’ll start charging for greeting you, imagine ‘Hi neighbor’ then boom R5 bill. The people in the bottle store majority of young men keep whisling and occasionally clearing their throats I think they are trying to get Nomandla’s attention but she is ignoring them. We take the plastic bags from the boot and we get going, as much as I am wearing brown cutty cargo pants and a navy blue golf T-shirt I remembered to put on sneakers because we still have to descend a mountain. Fezile is also wearing sneakers, a beautiful floral long sleeves dress and a doek, she looks like a true makoti, my beautiful, sexy and smart makoti. Nomandla is leading the way, still wearing the same dress she wore the first time I saw her with black flat pums this time. She and I are carrying two plastic bags each, from Pick’n’pay and Fezile has one big one from Ackermans. As we approach closer I can already see gogo walking around the yard slowly, I’m sure she doesn’t see us. Fezile stops and looks at me, Nomandla walks pass us. “Are you okay?” I ask, I’m not sure if it’s me or she’s having second thoughts about coming here, she looks uncomfortable. “They live here? In these…” She whispers, she can’t even call them houses. I nod. Fezile has never seen anything like this in person. Being born by a mother who was a high school principal and a father who worked in Durban Bayhead, top that with being able to study overseas she only sees such things on the news. There are shacks in Umlazi and other parts of Durban but those people have limited spaces so they build something temporary until they can afford to buy or build themselves houses. This family has enough land and they’ve been living here probably for as long as this grany has lived as to why the local government is not doing nothing about this situation beats me. We can hear screams and noise I guess the granny and granddaughter have reunited. We approach slowly with Fezile now walking behind me. “How did you get here, it’s a Sunday there is no transport?”_ gogo asks Nomandla, she doesn’t answer instead she turns and look at me, the granny turn her head also to look at me from head to toe and then looks at Nomandla again. I think she doesn’t recognize me and if that’s the case I’ll be sad really. “It’s him gogo, he is here to visit you” _Nomandla says politely I still can’t get over how familiar she looks. Gogo walk closer to me, both her hands on her chest, it’s like she doesn’t believe that it’s really me and that I’m here. I don’t know what to say either we are just looking at each other. “Sawubona ma (hello mother)” I say, her face lights up I think she recognizes the voice. “You kept your promise” She says in disbelief. “Yes I did” I say putting down the plastic bags and reaching for a hand shake. She throws herself in my arms and I hug her. She says she is happy to see me. She pulls away from me and her eyes look over my shoulder, she then smiles at Fezile and looks back at me. “Ma meet my wife Fezile Ntuli, my love this is her” I say stepping aside so they can see each other, Gogo looks very confused right now but she smiles nonetheless. They are done hugging, good we need to get inside the house or find a cooler corner it’s hot out here.

“Is this the new mfundisi?(pastor)” _one asks. “No it’s Malume from Ethekwini”_ The other one says. “But why is he wearing Baba’s clothes?” _ one of them again “shhh, don’t disrespect an elder”_ the eldest one whispers. They’ve been scrutinizing and gossiping about me right here next to me, these kids are little devils I tell you. We are washing the windows together even though I feel like I am the only one who is doing the job they are contributing to the dirt with their finger prints and dirty clothes but they are good company, their smiles and giggles are everything. It’s like they don’t see that there is something wrong with everything about this picture -The picture that is their lives. They live with a granny, I don’t see or hear about their mother or mothers. I didn’t even know there was a male figure in this family until I was offered clothes to change into by gogo when I started to clean around the yard, it was bushy. She said the clothes belong to her son whom now I know is these kids’ father even though I found out in a not so nice way. When we came they had gone to Sunday school, and as soon as they got back they ran to me before going to the kitchen I think that they mistook me for their father nonetheless I carried them in my arms when they threw themselves at me, two at a time, they are true bundles of job. The youngest two must be six years or so the other one maybe a year older and then the eldest one must be ten I’m guessing.

You should have seen them when we were running after the chicken, I couldn’t catch up they run like little springboks, Yes, gogo slaughtered a chicken for us as a welcome gift, not everyone gets that privilege so we are very special guests. I haven’t seen Fezile and Nomandla for the past hour, the last time I saw them they were walking from one roundavel to the other with dishes and brooms. Gogo is in the garden I’m not sure what she’s doing there. My phone rings, it’s Malume “Greetings Malume”_I answer. Silence then a sigh “Sakhile when are you planning to visit Mahlangu again?”_ he asks, softly but definitely not polite. Mahlangu is that sangoma or prophet he once took me to and truth be told I wasn’t planning on going back there. “I’ll go soon” “when is soon?” _he asks, fast. Dude woke up on the wrong side of the bed but I can’t lie to him, that’s one skill I haven’t mastered, yet. “Tell Makoti that we left the keys with the security guard”_ he says when he realizes that I wasn’t going to answer his question. He must be talking about the keys of that house in BB where they were staying. They are going back to the farms today and I was hoping that they stay longer, it’s nice to have them around but trying to separate Malume from his livestock and Malumekazi from her garden is mission impossible. “Thank you, I’ll tell her”_ I say, it’s funny how he hasn’t asked me where are we “Sakhile since I’m leaving you need to man up, behave like a man that I raised you to be, don’t disrespect your wife like that ever again”_he says, so we’re still there? I thought I was forgiven. I took the beating for my sins. “It will never happen again I promise”_ I’m not lying, a part of me still doesn’t really know how things went that far out of control on that day with that woman. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses and maybe I am but I’ll never in a sober mind let anything come between Fezile and I. “Mahlangu said that if you don’t come back in 15 days do not have sex with your wife, it’s not safe for her and the baby”_ he says, his voice has changed he sounds worried and a little scared. At least he heard what the sangoma was saying I was just doing what I was instructed to do. No questions asked. Malume and his unfiltered mouth ‘do not have sex with your wife’ I’m sure there is a less explicit way of saying that like ‘do not become intimate with your wife’ or something. But then maybe this sangoma visit is a serious matter I should make a day to go and see him I don’t want anything happening to my family. “Another thing also I’m not really worried about Thobani getting into politics but I don’t like him cohabiting in my sister’s house” _he says before his goodbye. And I thought that we tried our best to hide Thobani and Nancy’s relationship, is there anything this old man doesn’t know?

“You’re beautiful” I say touching her hand as she takes away the dish of water she gave me to wash my hands, she smiles and turns to go away. Trust Fezile to fit in everywhere she goes, she’s wearing gogo’s new never been worn pinafore that fits her perfectly fine. “How many are there?”_gogo asks coming from behind me, I’m sitting outside on a wooden bench. What is she talking about? She lays her grassmat down and sits on it, I’m a little puzzled by her question so I look at her “The wives, is this the first one?” _she asks with a smile. Oh no this can’t be happening. The first time I came here I was with another woman and today I came with my wife. what made her think that there was something going on between us then? Unless Nonhle told her otherwise. Before I could answer Fezile is here with a tray of food, she gives me first and then gives gogo it’s the chicken and plain pap with no rama or carrots like how Fezile normally makes it, but still delicious as ever I clean the plate and if I could I’ll ask for some more. Nomandla brigs a jug of something she kneels and puts it in front of us. It’s mahewu, can I stay here a little longer? A day or two this food is life. I drink like there’s no tomorrow. My wife comes to pickup the empty plates and jug “I like this one better”_gogo says as we watch her walks away. “That’s my wife”_my mouth shoots without my permission, mind you I haven’t answered that question, but she’s an adult and she should know what my silence means. What does it mean anyway? Nomandla is back again, she bents next to her grandmother and says “She’s here”. She must learn to whisper “Tell her to come outside here with makoti, your uncle will go sit inside”_gogo says looking at me when she said ‘uncle’ I wonder why I’m being chased away but I take my bench and go midway I meet Fezile and another elderly woman who looks at me like she already knows me. I greet and pass. The Little mob is here and those oily chicks and the single bowl on the floor say they were eating, they’re arguing about something “I bet you gogo is going to scream first”_ the ten year old says “no, Lunga’s gogo is going to scream first”_that’s one of the toothless one’s they are not even paying attention to me not that I want one it’s been a long day and we should get going. *Screams* *loud screams* I panic and head straight to the door but the ten year old boy reaches it first “no man are allowed outside” _he says standing in the middle of the door. WTF! Women are screaming outside, my wife is with them and he tells me I can’t get out. I pull the door and pushes it. I’m going to smack the hell out of this kid. “They are performing ukuhlolwa Malume, men are not allowed to see” _he says, calmly. I let go of the door and look at him, he’s not lying I can tell but who tells them all these things and where did he learn to be so protective of his family? Had I forced to go out he would have fought with me I could see the fire in his eyes. Eventually he let’s go of the door and they all run outside, I need to change back into my clothes. When I come back Fezile and Nomandla are ready to go, not yet, my wife wants to wash the clothes I was wearing, the pinafore is already hanging to dry on the garden fence. She’s done in a flash and I’m just going to pretend like I don’t mind her touching another man’s clothes, she doesn’t even wash Thobani’s clothes anymore I told her to stop. Bitter Sweet goodbyes, hugs and tears but all coming from a good place-a loving heart.

I’m normally a shower person but today I settled for a long hot bath, Fezile has already taken hers that was half an hour long. We had to pass by Mega City again to buy some stuff for Nomandla, we also had to quickly get Mnqobi from Folweni I had missed him but I think he did miss us at all he loves playing outdoors with his cousins. He fell asleep the moment we got here which was a good thing because Fezile had a surprise for me, not a good one. She practically came down at me about how useless of a man Nomandla’s father is “Who has seven children with different mothers these days? In this economy? And then he dumps them with his mother and goes back to Joburg to make more babies!” She was furious. Apparently he is that kind, the trash kind. He can’t keep it in his pants, he goes around impregnating every woman he meets. He had Nomandla when he was in matric and then he fooled around not knowing what to do with his life for over ten years and then he got a job in Johannesburg through a friend of a friend of a cousin but every year he comes back with a child. He is too proud and arrogant he won’t allow his children to be raised by their mothers or anyone else yet he drinks his money and let gogo raise the kids with her pension money, Nomandla also contributes with her wages from her part-time job at wimpy. She’s studying through a Nomkhubulwane bursary program and amongst the requirements to qualify for the program you must be a virgin, now three years ago Nomandla did make it and got the bursary but now that’s not all, every end of semester she must undergo virginity testing to see if she still qualifies for the next semester funding. That’s a good thing right? It prevents teenage pregnancy and promotes education. You keep your legs closed, you get a education but Dr Zulu doesn’t see it that way “it’s the worst form of oppression Sakhile, giving the girls the illusion that they have something to gain from it! Who checks the boys if they have hit it or not? No one it’s always the girls because they can deflower themselves, right?”_ she kept on shouting at stove I had to kiss her to calm her down, as for who checks the boys if they have eaten the forbidden fruit there’s actually a way to know that, it’s even written somewhere in the bro code book, and if you get me enough Savanna, a little bit of whiskey and kilos of weed I might just be tempted to… Actually no I am not a snitch besides that’s not even the point. “Don’t you think that maybe it’s not all bad my love, I mean look at Nomandla, she’s what? 19 years old…” “21” _ she said fast. “She’s 21 and still pure, that’s a good thing she gets to focus on her education and forget about the fast life”_ I said and I could tell that she didn’t fully agree with me but it was enough to calm her down. We ended up talking about the good things that happened there, a lot of good things and how great she feels after visiting them, she really liked it there and they loved her too. “Are you drowning in there? Must I call an Ambulance?” _that’s her shouting from the bedroom. “I won’t die, not before you pay up. You owe me!” I also shout from the bathtub, I’ve been so lost in my mind I forgot the real reason I came here was to bath and go to bed. “I owe you what?”_she asks and I can tell that she’s smiling. “You didn’t show me what was underneath the dress yesterday”_ I say, how can she forget such an important debt? She laughs out loud, I swear the sound of her laughter does things to my heart, it’s sharp and melodic like ten times the innocent and heart-warming laughter of Zulu maidens laughing while sitting on the river banks, why am I comparing? It’s like nothing else that exists. “There was nothing”_She says, still in the bedroom. I’m done bathing now I’m in the closet searching for my pyjamas, I’ll settle for pants only it’s a little warm tonight, our bedroom is huge and then there is a passage that leads to the bathroom but in that passage there is the closest that has our swimming costumes, bath towels, pyjamas, gowns and all that stuff. It has two doors, if you open the door on the left hand side it will lead you to the bathroom, “Come-on what do you mean, ‘nothing’?” I say opening the door that leads to the bedroom. Holy cow! Goosebumps, butterflies, erection all at the same damn time, “Absolutely nothing”_she says, her left hand is on her hip and she is literally wearing nothing else except the gold high heels on her feet. For a moment I find myself frozen, just looking and appreciating the beauty that is her, no make-up, no doek or fake hair only her thick black afro and now no clothes she’s perfect. I smile and I’m sure I look like a dog seeing a bone. I throw the pyjamas away and I walk towards her, my hands wonder around not knowing which part of her to touch first, I close my eyes and her lips meet mine, I feel all kinds of electrifying feelings all the way down to my toes.I freeze again and she notices “It feels like the first time” I whisper,she smiles. I stand behind her, kissing her neck, shoulders, back, bums and the back of her thighs until I’m down with one knee. Back on my feet again I put my arms under hers from the back my hands find her chest, her breasts are so full and the nipples are pointing out. I fodle them gently while listening to the slow ‘mmmmmm’ sounds she is making. Her stomach is getting bigger but it’s smoth and warm. She turns to look at me and I see the desire in her eyes, they are a little smaller than normal but ever so beautiful. She grabs my penis, I think she wants to go down on her knees but I have another plan. I pick her up and gently put her on the bed, she lies on her back. I spread her legs apart, take off her shoes and throw them behind me. Oops! That didn’t sound too well, she heard it too. I hope I didn’t break them “were they expensive?” I ask, whispering. I’m being sarcastic really, of course they were expensive. She smiles and shakes her head I wonder what that means. I kneel down on the floor, the tiles are not even cold tonight my lips gently run through her inner thighs, left, right, right, left. There is something wrong with my body tonight, it’s not responding the way it normally does, I feel warm and ready but big guy down there is not getting hard, he should be a rock by now maybe god is punishing me for having sex on a Sunday but I can’t be blamed, look at this right in front of me, freshly shaved and it smells good. She almost sits up when I insert my tongue in there “Don’t move” I say “mmmmm” that’s all she is able to say. I can’t see her face and upper body I can only see the stomach and her hands rumbling with the bed cover as I play with my tongue inside her, I move faster and deeper until I feel something touch the back of my head, it’s her hand It’s soft and warm I must be doing this right because she’s moaning and calling my name. I stand up and my eyes meet hers, all I can see is fire,love and pleasure. A bit of submission too. Her breasts, it’s like they have a life of their own I fix my eyes on her as rub my penis on the top of her vagina with no intentions to insert it in her instead I push my finger in there still looking at eyes and I watch as she gains and looses power under my control, the rhythmic moans aligned with my finger movement, I hear my name whispered over and over again until her toes curl and her whole body vibrates. She says that she loves me before she falls asleep.

This young man needs to get a life, who calls at 00:00? I answer still, annoyed as hell “Please tell your guards to let me in”_ That’s all he says not even greeting, he can be such a spoiled brat if he wants to. I do what needs to be done, I’ve tightened up security after that break in and this new security company is doing a great job, no one gets in without proper identification scanned. Not even family or friends. he gets in and finds the fridge first, still no ‘hellow bhuti’ Nothing. He tries to take the beer, he looks at me and then puts it back and drinks milk instead, a whole 1l of fresh milk in one go. He’s acting very strange but I won’t make it easier for him by asking what’s going on? If he wants to tell me he will, if he doesn’t I’m going back to bed. “Please lend me your car”_ he says when he sees me walking back towards the main bedroom. I stop, so he rocks up in here unannounced, in the wee hour, he drinks milk and acts all shady what the hell is going on? “Where is yours?”_ I am calm, for now. “I misplaced the keys, I’ll explain everything tomorrow where are your keys?” _He asks standing up. This presidency thing is really getting into his head. He comes into my house wanting my things but he won’t give valid reasons why. “I don’t have a car, it was stolen, remember?”_ I’m not calm anymore I want to sleep, now. “Nancy left! she took her things and left me, I don’t know if she took the car keys or she hid them but they are not there I’ve looked everywhere. I need to find her bhuti, I need to get her back! Please.”_ He’s pleading now and I already feel sorry for him but there’s some explaining he still needs to do. “What do you mean she left, when? And why?”_ I sound like a security guard now, don’t I? He sits down on the couch, he bows his head and plays with his fingers. Silence. “She dumped me when we were in the resort in Nkomazi, we spent the weekend in separate rooms until we came back”_ he says, he’s not looking at me in the eyes. I need to sit down for this one, but not before I get a Savanna. It’s already after 00:45am and I have an early morning but I’m the boss so to hell with it. “If she dumped you then, how come you were all lovey dovey last night?” I ask as I take a sip, he looks at me once then looks down again. Oh hell no! “You are actors now Thobani? Huh? You pretend and fake smiles? Who taught you that?” He’s making me angry. “We didn’t want to worry everyone, Nancy promised sis’Fezile that she will be there at the event so we..” “fooled everyone!” My mouth shoots, I don’t even think there is a justification for what they did. But the next question is, “Why did she dump you, what did you do to her?” I ask, yes I already know that the break up was his fault. Nancy is a nice girl. For once since we’ve started talking he looks at me with red eyes, I look at him also and I see flames in his face, it’s like he’s thinking hard about something that makes him angry, furious even. He blinks rapidly and then sits back on the couch, folds his arms and sighs, I move to sit next to him and we both face the big blank TV screen in front of us. Silence. I pick up my savanna again,. “On the night of the break in, the night I got shot…” My bottle slips from my hand and smashes on the floor, there wasn’t much left so it creates no mess. My body always goes numb when ever I think about that day. “… with everything that was happening my phone ended up with her for the whole night and the morning after” He say. Phone? I don’t even have to ask I’m just going to look at him. “She doesn’t know the password, but they called, the other women, they wanted to speak to me” he says, All of a suden he’s the one who sounds angry more than hurt. Well he was cheating so I don’t feel sorry for him there, but also he had kept it a secret for so long and he was still going to keep it that way had I not messed things up and abandoned my responsibilities. Also I never, not even for a second took time to know how what happened that night affected them, it’s my fault and I feel guilty all over again. Either way I go and get the keys of the BMW and give him, he immediately stands up and reach for the door but I stop him, I have questions, not many, just two. “Do you regret coming to Fezile’s rescue that..?” “No” he answers, very quickly before I finish the question, I breathe. “Do you blame me for not being home that night?” I ask, I’m not sure if I want to hear the honest answer though. He looks at me briefly and then looks at the key in his hand “I’ll bring the car back in the morning” he says before rushing out, I’m just going to pretend like I don’t know what his silence means. As for his girlfriend, she left with the car keys so she wanted to be followed and also she made sure that she didn’t disrespect anyone of us even after she found out about his cheating ways, that on it’s own speaks volumes and for the first time ever Thobani is running after a girl, she’s The One even though they both don’t know it yet.

It’s going to take time for me to get used to this, my old office was small and full of papers and files all over the place, it was neat but too small. This new office is to die for, the building has only two storeys and my office is on the second floor, it has glass partition walls which are the best I’ve seen all my life, the furniture is wooden, walnut. To think that just ten years ago I was in a navy blue uniform driving from one business place to another and ensuring that people’s assets were safe and now here I am, a self-made entrepreneur who will stop at nothing to achieve his dream. I find myself looking at the cars on the parking lot outside the windows and watching my employees doing the job in the wash bays. “Do you have a minute?” A voice say behind me and I already know it’s James, I turn around, walk back to my desk and sit on the chair, he’s still standing by the door. Ever since that incident that landed Thobani in hospital my communication with James has been scarce, I think he’s avoiding me,as for why? I don’t know, but then he is annoyingly a great professional. What ever his personal thoughts about you are,they will never affect his job, ever! “This is the final copy of the lease agreement between the car wash and the other enterprises, Mabutho dropped it off on Friday” he says, very calm but there’s an obvious ‘I’m not in the mood for playing games’ look on his face. “Thanks” I say accepting the folder. “James, how many are up and running already?” I ask, I’m trying to lengthen our talk I know we have six spaces taken and one vacant. “Only one out of the seven is still vacant” he says, already holding the door handle. He opens it, looks at me and then closes it and walks back towards my desk. I have a feeling that we are about to talk, like really talk. “Suck…” I clear my throat, loudly. James knows that I don’t want him to call me by that name. Not because I don’t like it, I just hate the way he makes it sound like, it’s Sakhi! Not what he’s saying. “Can I ask you something?” He says and already I’m worried but I nod. “This is none of my business, really and if you don’t want to talk about it I won’t ask again…” “I said, you can go ahead and ask me” I say, firmly. We’re already here so he might as well get on it. Sighs and then silence. “The Uber driver, do you know her?” He asks looking directly at me, “It was a guy, but no, I don’t know him” I say. Thobani didn’t bring the car back so I had to take an Uber to come to work this morning, I don’t know why James is asking about it. “Okay” that’s all he says and heads for the door “Why do you ask?” I have a feeling there’s more to where that question came from. I stand up and walk around the desk to stand next to him, he puts his right hand on his pocket and takes out his phone, scrolls on the screen for a few seconds and then gives it to me “Press play” he says and I do so. The clip starts to play, I see the road so it must have been taken by someone who was driving, the camera moves slowly to the side and I see the trees and mountains it’s a beautiful view it looks familiar too. The person who shot the video must have been a passenger because I can now see the hands of the person who is driving, he’s wearing a hoodie there’s music too playing in the background, Shwi Nomtekhala. I love their music just not this specific song. The camera zooms in on the driver’s watch, it looks like mine even the clothes look like… Wait, I look at James and he’s sitting down on the only couch in this office he’s not looking at me but he is paying attention to my every move and sound. I loosen my tie and unbutton the last button on my neck, I’m wearing suits now, no more track pants and t-shirts at work. This can’t be happening, this video was taken by Nonhle on that day I was using her car to go to Mpumalanga I can hear her voice, she’s laughing and talking in the background while I’m driving and singing along to the music playing in the car, at some point I even wink at her and I’m smiling from ear to ear, I need to sit down before I faint. “There are pictures too where she’s wearing your jacket” he says visibly angry. I don’t want to see them. I’m really embarrassed now and afraid at the same time. I don’t know what to say or how to even explain myself to James, not that I need to but he’s my colleague and friend so out of respect I have to justify this nonsense he had to witness. “Where did you find this James?” I ask, the audacity. “It was on her Instagram story, and under was a caption ‘…and yes,he smells as good as he looks❤🌟❤” with two hearts and a star in between” he says, I didn’t ask about the captain but hey. He’s no longer looking angry he’s evidently hurt, agonized. “Who is she?” He asks, slowly, more like he’s pleading with me. The thing with James is that he’s not an impulsive person at all, he thinks, he plans and he strategize. He’s just asking out of respect for me but he already knows the truth backed up with evidence and reasonable arguments, you can’t lie to someone like him so he becomes the second person I tell the truth about my Mpumalanga shenanigans after my uncle. I still want to know why he had to go to her Instagram page and how he knew her name but I’m not sure how to ask him without sounding defensive. Silence, this is really awkward. “She came here looking for you…” What! This is bigger than I thought, she knows where I work? “… She said that you were high school friends and she needed to thank you for something, I recognized her from the Uber app and I asked for her contact details that’s how I got her name and number, I already knew there’s was more to the story I mean it took you 3 hours to ride from here to town, Allah knows what you and her did with all that time…” 3 hours? WTF is he talking about? It barley took us 30 minutes, he sees the reaction on my face “… I used my app to book the Uber, right? And you only cancelled the trip 3 hours later! Can you imagine how much I paid for that trip? So I snooped around and I found that video and those pictures” He says “How much was it so I can pay you back?” I ask, the look on his face says he’s offended “it’s not about the money Sakhile! I also know about that R2000 you transferred to her account from your account.” He knows everything, doesn’t he? Since we’re in the money talk, how about he explains the money he transferred to Thobani “That’s why you gave Thobah R7000?” I ask, “He took a bullet trying to save your wife while you were busy fucking your high school sweetheart in the jungle so give him a break!” He bursts out of anger! The transfer was hours before that but again he has a point. James sure knows how to hit where it hurts now I feel more guilty. “I called you numerous times and at some point I thought something had happened to you, your family wanted answers, your brother-in-law wanted answers. I called the lodge in Ermelo to ask if you checked in they said no, I called the garage to ask if you took the car they said no…” Geez! I didn’t realize that he had to go through all that trouble. “I didn’t mean for things to get to this” I don’t know what I’m trying to say really but I feel like I should be saying something to show that I’m paying attention to him. “And when you came back you were a mess. I could tell that you were hurt but more than anything you were overwhelmed by the guilt, so I had to find out what went down on that night? so that I’d know what to say to your father and your wife” he says, he calls my uncle, my father. I’m still trying to figure out how to respond to all of this so I walk towards the window with my hands in the pockets, I stand there facing the glass with my heart pounding like it’s about to burst out of my chest and I can feel presence behind me drawing nearer, he walks until he stands a few feets away from me, it’s a little too close for my comfort because I can literally hear him breathing behind me. “How long have you been seeing this Nonhle women?” He asks, he sounds so tired. “We are not seeing each other, it was a coincidence that we met that day” I answer, I’m being honest. “I thought we don’t lie to each other Sakhile” he says “I’m not lying! Yes I used to know her but we broke up before I got married and I never heard from her until that day.” “Do you love her?” He asks “No, I love Fezile” I say. “Did you sleep with her?”He asks, what’s this? A million questions? I don’t know how to answer this question, truth is we didn’t have sex but we tried and had we not been distracted by the snake we would have had it in the forest, my body cringes just thinking about it. The shadow behind me is gone, I turn around and I see him sitting on the couch again, both his elbows are one his knees and he keeps pressing his fists together. “How do I fix this James?” I’m desperate I’d do anything to make sure Fezile never finds out about this. “Go back in time, ignore that uber, cancel the trip, ask me to book you another appointment.” He says, not even looking at me. He’s being sarcastic. Maybe I should call my wife and explain to her, she loves she’ll understand “What are you trying to do?” He asks when he sees me taking my phone. “I’m calling Fezile” I say “And what are you going to tell her? ‘Hey love, I met my Ex 3 weeks ago, I took her out for lunch, drove her car, smashed her in the jungle and lied to all of you…” “Whose side are you on James? Mine or Hers?” I ask “Why are you and your wife on opposite sides Sakhile? How is that okay with you?” He bursts again. I put my phone down and I go back to my chair. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared for her “She’s can’t find out man, it will kill her” I say and he can see that I’m serious “Fezile is a good woman brother, you can’t do this to her….” I know that but what do I do now? “Go to the police station and apply for a restraining order against Nonhle, I’ve already got someone to hack into her Instagram and Twitter account and have all the data deleted including the video and the photos…if I was able to figure this out it means Fezile could also, she knows something went down on that day which makes me think that one of the reasons she went to Mpumalanga with you yesterday was to connect the dots…” Oh hell no. Why I never thought of that? “… Just stop being secretive and play far away from your Ex, she’s bad news” He says before standing up. “Thanks for always having my back” I say but he exits and doesn’t even close the door behind him, he is mad at me he can’t hide it.

I had a rough morning and calling Thobani who is stressed about his ‘missing’ girlfriend made it even worse, I also visited Fezile at work during lunch and that was the highlight of my day, a minute next to her is all I needed to put my heart at ease. She said that she’ll come to pick me up after work and we’ll drive home together. When I got back in the office, Bheki paid me a visit, he asked me if I’ve found the missing cars and offered to also ask one of his cop friends to speed up the process, apparently he’s got friends in the blue and navy bunch. But the real reason he came here was to ask me to be his best man at his wedding which is due early next year, he’ll be 31yrs old next year. I don’t know why people misunderstand him so much, Fezile thinks that he’s creepy, James thinks he’s dangerous, I can also feel that he’s got a lot going on in his life, some of it I can’t put my finger on. It’s like he’s trying to break free or start over, a feeling I know too well, but he’s a cool guy, very respectful and humble. He was not wearing his usual choice of clothes today. I said yes to his offer because I already know that Fezile will be Sonto’s maid of honor besides other than being invited as a VVVIP whatnot I might as well at least have a role to play in that wedding. It’s almost 4pm and I’m going to leave in an hour, what a day it’s been! “Okay I’ve been thinking of a way you can make it up to Fezile and I think I’ve got the perfect idea” He says as he walks in without knocking. I thought he was long gone, I wonder what he’s up to but let me just listen, I’m very good at it. “You applied for a personalized number plate for her new car, right? At first I thought MANTULI-ZN was okay but ah ah, Fezile is smart and sophisticated and modern, I’m thinking DRNTULI-ZN, you know” I’m just going to pretend like he didn’t just praise my wife in front of me, but MaNtuli has a nice tone to it, I liked it “what’s wrong with MaNtuli again?” I ask. “There nothing wrong it’s just that it’s a little domestic, when I see Ma.. automatically I think, kids, mother, wife and all that but when I see DR then I think class, glamour and smart. I know you can make it happen” He says, this guy is always thinking I tell you, but if he thinks it’s important then it’s worth it and I’ll do anything that would make my wife happy. Anything. “Okay I’ll make some calls” I say, you should see the mischievous smile on his face, he can be such a character if he wants to “Oh I almost forgot, I paid R20k for the Uber that day, so when can I expect my money?” He asks, smiling as he exits. What? No ways! That’s day light robbery.

He’s back again “You should just bring your chair and we’ll share this office”I say, he’s been coming in and out of here the whole day. He doesn’t even pretend to smile, what’s going on now? “I found this on my desk”He says handing me an unsealed white A4 envelope, I take it and pull out the documents inside. Damm it! The odds are going against me today, “You said that there’s nothing going on between you and this Nonhle woman, yet I find a bill from your lawyer charging you for the information he’s been feeding you on how the case of her stolen car has been going. What’s going on with you Sakhile?” He’s angry at me again, we must bring cameras and have our own reality TV show, there’s so much drama in this office. “Look James I asked Zweli to keep an eye on the case simply because I think that the same guys who tried to steal Nonhle’s are the same people who broke into my house and stole my cars.” I explain but his facial expressions clearly disagrees “Really? I don’t know what is worse the secrets or the lies” he says throwing himself on the couch and putting his leg on the small round shaped table next it. “I’m not lying!” I shout, unintentionally. “How did they find your house Sakhile? How did get pass security?” He asks, he’s tone is soft but he’s definitely not calm, we’re fighting I’ve concluded. “James they drugged me, stole a car I was driving and left me to die in a fucking bush! They had my phone, wallet, bank cards and everything you need to know who I am and where I came from.” “What time was this?” He asks, a little bit calmer. “It was in the afternoon around 3-4pm” I’m not really accurate but it was around there. “So what you are trying to tell me is that these two guys, stole your side chick’s car…” “She’s not my side chick!” What is wrong with him? “Okay they stole her car, they drove to a certain place where they parked and went through your staff, discovered that you have two cars in the garage and called their third friend to help them steal your cars, they then drove in separate cars and got stopped by the police, through gun fights and them running away from the cops they still had time to drive to Umlazi, a place they barely know and steal your cars, put them in a safe place and went back on the road so that they could be caught by the police and get arrested? Is that your story?” He asks, I don’t know what he drank today but honestly he’s not normal. I shake my head trying to hide the fact that I’m angry at him more than anything. “Sakhile these guys are rookies there is no way they could pull off two robberies in two different cities in a space of 5 hours, it’s impossible. And the people who broke into your house were experienced” He says. One thing I’m sure of is that James is a thinker, he won’t have an opinion on something unless he’s thought about it thoroughly. “What are you trying to say to me James?” I’m not angry anymore I’m fine I can take it. I move to sit down next to him on the couch, he turns and we face each other “I might be wrong, but I don’t think that the guys who hijacked you are the same guys who broke into your house. The hijacking took place in the afternoon and from the time the police stopped these guys to the time they got arrested every second is traceable, there is no way that they stopped by to break into your house without being seen by the police, besides your cars got stolen early Fezile called me around 7pm to say that there were people who had come to fix your car and by the time I figured out what was going on it was too late. There is no way that two guys could steal a car in Mpumalanga around 4pm, then three of them steal two cars in Umlazi at 7pm and then two of them get arrested in Mpumalanga around 8pm” he explains calmly. I stand up, not really sure where I’m going I end up pacing up and down, Zweli did say that the detective on the case said they couldn’t find any link between these two thugs and the cars that were stolen from my house. To think that I almost killed them! It’s almost 5pm and Fezile should be here any minute from now, but if it wasn’t those thugs who broke into my house then who did? “So who took my cars James?” He doesn’t know for sure but he’s had enough time to have an idea who it is. “I don’t know” he says, silence. I stop walking and go to sit on top of the desk with my legs hanging and my arms folded across my chest “You don’t know?” I ask he must tell me what he’s thinking, Now! “But I think you were betrayed by someone you know, someone who knows your house in and out, someone who had their way around the security guard. But most importantly by someone who knew that you won’t be home that day, so the answer to your questions is actually a question itself, who did you tell about your trip to Mpumalanga?” He asks looking at me in the eyes, “I told no one, not even Thobani. Only three people knew. It was you, Fezile and myself” I say, he shakes his head. “And your friend from Boom-Bull?” he asks, boom-bull? Boom… Oh! Umbumbulu, James and his accent I give up. I did mention it to Bheki in our conversation when he came here the day before I left but what does that have to do with anything? “He came here to ask you to give him an alibi just in case the police called asking about his whereabouts but no one ever called because after you told him that you were going away he didn’t carry on with his previously planned trip instead he decided to…” “James Stop!” I snap. I don’t want to hear it. He’s never liked Bheki, ever. I hate how his theory makes though, I did tell him that I was going away on business, he knows my house in and out, he knows how many security guards I have at my house in the night, he has two other brothers who are exactly his height and weight, he also wasn’t there in the hospital when the whole family was there “Sorry I couldn’t come come last night, I couldn’t leave the kids alone hubby didn’t come home, again” his wife said to my wife that morning. But no man he’s a good guy he would not betray me like this. “Like I said I don’t know, but it’s either you think that it’s me, Fezile or him” James says before he leaves. Can I ever catch a break?

I went to the bedroom as soon as I got home, I was visibly furious poor Fezile apologized thinking I was mad because she didn’t pick me up after work, if only she knew how hectic my day has been, I came in here to take a shower but I ended up sitting on the floor and I let the water run on my back, I’m in pain and I’m suffocating, “Babe, Your phone is ringing” Fezile shouts from one of the rooms, I think the kitchen because that’s where I left my bag, jacket and keys “Who is it?” I ask, I don’t feel like speaking to anybody “I don’t know let me check… It’s Zolani!” She shouts, “Answer it and tell him I’m in the shower” I say, I need to rest… “Why are you taking a cold shower?” Fezile asks, I didn’t hear her come in let alone realizing that the water was cold, why is she here anyway? “He wants to speak to you” She says giving me a towel and then the phone, after drying my hands I wrap the towel around my waist while holding the phone with my shoulder “Mphemba… I’m okay what’s up?” He’s sounding so… I don’t know, tired or sick. “As in Now?” He wants us to come to his house in Umhlanga “Okay we’ll be there shortly” I hung up and tell Fezile what her brother wants but she already knows. I get dressed,we call Mnqobi and we go outside, he has sent two cars to pick us up. It’s those big black cars with tainted windows, no network coverage inside and drivers who only speak in codes. Good we’re here in no time, trying to describe how beautiful this mansion is is merely impossible, actually it’s not a mansion, it’s a palace. It’s perfectly white with purple light, two swimming pools, four garage doors, a garden, tenis cour and everything you’d expect and unexpect in a five star hotel. We are parked in front one of the garage doors, normally we park next to a sign written ‘The Zulus’ but I take it this is not a normal invite. Fezile took Mnqobi inside as soon as one of the guards opened the door, I’m going to try and find Zolani before I get in any of the rooms “Good you are here so you can talk some sense into his head, unless you both planned this!” She says standing in front of me, I didn’t know she was here I’d have worn long pants, she’s such a diva let alone her anti-aging secret. A typical female teacher with the iconic wedge footwear and planted dreadlocks. At least I know how Fezile will look like in her 60s “Sawubona Mkhwekazi (greetings mother-in-law)” I say, manners madam principal. She smiles and shakes her head, the kids pass running and she disappears with them I must find Zolani, I already know he is in trouble, there is one open garage door maybe he is inside as I walk towards it I can see three guard running towards me, I arrive first and get inside, it’s dark so I switch on the lights. Two gaurds stand next to the door one is scratching his head the other one his chin they’re panicking. If I didn’t know better I’d say that they don’t want me to be here in this room, they are having a conversation with their eyes but since the person I was looking for is not here I should get out, I see relief in their faces when I step outside there is this weird energy that I’m getting and it’s tempting me to get back inside, I’m now looking for something I just don’t know what exactly. My eyes wonder around the room it’s empty except for something that is wrapped with the tarp, it’s heavy but I manage to unwrap just the Connor, it’s steal, a lot of it and now that I look closely I think it’s car parts and they are not brand new… These rims look like… Okay Sakhile you need to stop being paranoid, it can’t be that this is your Mercedes Benz that has been butchered like this. I remove the tarp completely and I freeze. Just looking at these pieces of my car makes my heart sink, I’m not even sure how I’m feeling right now, my heart is in pieces, I’m so confused. I turn to see if the guards are still standing outside, no they have disappeared. What’s going on with my life? I thought that things were working out for me, that finally I’m going to live a life I’ve always wanted. Why can’t I seem to catch a break, what did I do to deserve all the suffering? Zolani walks in and heads straight for the plug, he’s on the phone busy cursing loudly I think he wants to switch off the lights but his eyes scan the room and he freezes when he sees me sitting down next to the remains of what used to be my ride. His eyes are red but I’m sure mine are worse. For a moment we stare at each other, no word, just the sound of us inhaling and exhaling. He cuts the call without saying goodbye eventually I find my voice “Why is my car a skeleton in your garage?” My voice is trembling I’m angry. “It’s not what you think, come on let’s get out of here I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow” he says stretching out his hand, I don’t take it and I don’t want to wait for tomorrow. “I want to know, now” I say, he looks shocked. “Zulu I called you here for a very important reason, I know you want answers about what you’ve just witnessed and I’ll give them to you but not now… You don’t think I can steal from you right?” He asks, and the truth is he would never steal from me, the man can buy whatever he wants he can even pay the Eskom debt if they ask him nicely but that doesn’t change the fact that my car is in pieces in his garage and he has never said anything about it to me. “No but you know the person who stole from me and you’re are protecting them. Why!” I loose my cool “You know I went through hell trying to get these cars back for you! I had to phone the minister to get the helicopter so we can chase those thieves while you were busy getting arrested in Mpumalanga..” He’s now screaming at me. Red as hell, using state helicopter for personal use is illegal by the way but this is Zolani Ntuli, he does what he wants and when he wants to, and what does he mean I was arrested? “I never got arrested!” I say WTF! “When no one seemed to get hold of you I had your phone traced and it pinpointed in a police station tower in Ermelo, the station commander that side confirmed that your belongings were there but he wouldn’t say why…” Using states resources just to trace your sister’s husband is illegal too, am I the only male adult in this family who has no connection in the police department? “… I didn’t ask you about all this out of respect and I know if you wanted to tell me you would have, in your own time and terms, same as this …” He says pointing at the car parts “… I’m going to tell you about it tomorrow, or you want us to do this now starting with what went down in Mpumalanga?”He says, he’s not looking friendly I can tell you that. It’s been a long hell of a day and endless drama. I guess it all can wait until tomorrow. I give him my hand and he pulls me up we both exit and walk towards the main entrance.

We are all visitors on this earth, the Lord put us here to do His will and to embark on different journeys, when He thinks that we have accomplished the mission that we came here to serve, He will come back to claim what is His, us. One by one, we shall all return to Him. Apparently something like that is written in the bible. I don’t know which scripture but it’s there, they say. He is 25 years old Lord, only 25. He can’t die, not now. I don’t even think God remembers the sound of my voice, I can’t even recall when was the last time I prayed, but I’m desperate. I need answers. What does one do when his beloved brother is lying on a deathbed or a mortuary? How can I live with myself knowing that my younger brother died because of me. He came to my rescue, those criminals wanted me. They came for me. As if hijacking and leaving me in the bushes for wild animals to feast on me wasn’t enough, they found my house and hurt my family! They are going to pay for it, I’ll make sure of that! I still can’t get over the pool of blood I saw next to the gate when Zolani showed me, I keep on imagining his helpless body lying there waiting for help. He must have called for one of us, my father, my mother and I. He must have shouted for help and I was not there for him. I’m driving his car from my house to the hospital. When I left the house I didn’t even check if anyone was following me, normally the drive from Umlazi to INkosi Albert Luthuli Hospital should take one a good 45 minutes. I don’t understand why it’s taking me so long today. They can’t be serious, they want to check the car? For what? Like I’ll carry a bomb to a hospital. I know I look black, suspiciously black even but I’m decent. I don’t look like I’m about to kill someone, I think. Fuck these people are irritating me and before I punch both of them let me just leave this car with them here at the gate, I’ll walk . I was once a security guard at the hospital and I should be understanding that they are just doing their job, as annoying as it is… “Where are they?” I ask the first person I see wearing the nurses uniform. She’s ignoring me. “Where is he? He was shot last night. I need to see him, please!” I’m begging and pleading with the walls really because there is no one in this passage, “Thobani! Fezile! …” I am screaming and I give zero fuck who says what. I hear the roof speak, no, it’s not the roof it’s the speakers, doctors are being called to the theatre. I stand still trying to see any movement, I see two male doctors running pass I follow them. “Is he alive? Please tell me he’s alive!” I say following them. I’m running as fast as I can but before I can reach the door something hooks me so hard I almost fall, I know the smell of the perfume, I feel the bump. It’s Fezile. She just hugged me. At least she’s alive, at some point I thought she was also shot if not dead and they were hiding it from me. I hug her tighter, My eyes get blurry before I feel something warm dripping down my chicks, I don’t want to cry this is not the time. I quickly wipe my face with one hand, the other hand still holding Fezile. “I thought something happened to you” She says, her face is still buried in my chest. “I tried calling you but it kept on ringing…” She says but my guilty conscience is not allowing me to let her finish. “I’m sorry love, I’m so sorry” I say. I wish there was a way I could say this and make the guilt go away. “How is he?” I ask. She pulls back, we look into each other’s eyes. Her eyes are clear, like she hasn’t cried. She looks tired but somehow okay except for the blood on her clothes. “He’s okay, he’s a fighter”. She says with a smile accompanied by a lot of blinking, she is lying I can tell. “Why are they running to him? Did something go wrong with the operation?” A voice of a lady asks behind me, operation? I turn. It’s Nancy. She doesn’t look good, her eyes are red, her voice is breaking. But she is clean. Fezile walks towards her and put her arms on her shoulders. “Thanks for taking Mnqobi to school”- Fezile says, huh? “He’s okay, he’s a fighter” she also says. That’s exactly what she said to me. I know what is going on here. In my absence Fezile automatically rises to the occasion, she becomes the force of the family, the queen of the castle. She doesn’t have to be reminded it just comes naturally. She hasn’t dealt with what is happening because she was busy making sure that everyone is okay, but I’m here now, we are in this together. “Maka Mnqobi” I say. I don’t really know what I want to say. I pull her closer to me, gently. “I’m here. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. Ever!” I say. Her face is on my chest. I feel my t-shirt getting wet, she must be crying, silently. “I’m sorry Fezile”. I wish I knew where guilty consciences are buried.

Zolani rocked up about 15 minutes later, angry at me because I missed all the stop signs and drove cross two red robots, he must have been following me, my uncle is also here, they drove straight from back home to the hospital last night after receiving a call from Fezile. She says three guys just showed up and told her to open the garage because I called them to come and fix the Benz, she tried to call me and I didn’t pick up, she then tried to call James to confirm what these guys were talking about but he didn’t know nothing. She called Thobani too mainly because these guys were wearing an all black uniform including black hats, gloves and dust masks she could only see their eyes. While she was on the call with him she turned around only to find one of the guys holding a gun pointed at her. They took my Benz and my dad’s Toyota Cressida, it was the only thing I owned that used to belong to him. Thobani must have overheard Fezile begging for her life to be spared over the phone and drove straight to the house, as those thugs were driving off with the cars she heard three gun shots followed by a woman’s scream. When the police came she also went outside to attend to them only to find that the security guard had been shot dead and Thobani was lying there in a pool of blood while Nancy was on the phone giving directions to the paramedics. She doesn’t remember much after that…

One of the doctors told us that the operation was successful, they managed to remove the bullet from his ribs. “He is critical but stable” the doctor said, whatever that means. “Oh my God! Sis, are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Sonto says giving Fezile a big hug. I step aside. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come last night I couldn’t leave the kids alone, hubby didn’t come home, again” – Sonto says like she’s not even bothered. I look around to check if Zolani didn’t hear that, good he didn’t, he’s busy talking to my uncle and I bet they are talking about agriculture or horse racing. “I’m okay sis, thanks” -Fezile says. I like Sonto a lot, her life is simple and she’s a genuine person, a vessel of positive energy. She has the ability to make everyone feel like they are the most important thing ever. Unlike Phindile who hardly shows affection, when she’s happy she buys a car. When she’s sad, she sells a car or go for coconut shopping in Dubai. “I need to freshen up please arrange for someone to get me clothes to change into and something to eat” – Fezile whispers to me. I also want to take a bath. “Is there any lodge near by here where we can go take a bath, eat and come back?” I ask. The look she gives me clear tells that she doesn’t like my suggestion. So I get going.

Zweli and Mabutho, the Sokhulu brothers who are our lawyers called me earlier to tell me that those two guys were arrested for hijacking and possession of illegal weapons and drugs, they appeared in court this morning and both were released on R5000 bail each. James doesn’t want to talk to me. My uncle is avoiding me as much as I am avoiding him. I didn’t have to go and buy food for Fezile because Malumekazi and Zolani’s wife brought home cooked food enough for all of us. They also brought clothes for her. The doctors finally let us see Thobani, he was just lying there, still, with tubes and wires attached to his body. They keep on saying it’s not as bad as it looks and that he didn’t move because he was heavily sedated but I don’t believe them, yes they are doctors but they lie too. It’s not like they will look me in the eyes and tell me to call my funeral insurance company. I left the hospital with Thobani’s car again. I just needed some fresh air, everyone keeps saying that these things happen, that it could have been anyone else but I know the truth and I can’t share it with none of them. I’m no longer feeling guilty, I am angry. Angry at myself and at those thugs. I’ve been punching this bag for the past hour here at my gym and I still don’t feel any better. The door opens, it’s my uncle. I’m sweating like a pig, he stands next to it with his hands behind his back. I leave the punching bag to go sit down on the bench. It’s too hot so I take off my t-shirt, I use it to wipe my face and put it on my lap. I look at him still standing there, not moving. “Sakhile where were you last night?” That’s the first thing he says to me in a tone that says ‘don’t you dare lie to me’ I look down and keep quiet. He slowly moves closer to sit on the same bench and put his sjambok on the floor. Oh fuck! I look at him, the fire in his eyes is frightening. And just in case you are wondering if he can beat up a 37 year old, yes he can. Just two years ago he wooped me with the same sjambok because I got drunk the day after my mother’s funeral. “I asked you a question! Where-were-you?” He asks, slower but his voice is even more firmer. There is no turning back so I tell him. I don’t lie but also I don’t tell the whole truth, you know how you tell your parents a story and leave out the parts that put you at fault? He looks at me, I look down. He can see right through me. “Sakhile ngifuna iqiniso lonke neqiniso lodwa, (Sakhile I want the truth, nothing but the truth) he says. I take a deep breath before I tell him every detail. As shameful and embarrassing as it is and by the time I finish I can’t even look at him in the face. “Are you happy now?” He asks before standing up. Silence. “This is all on you my boy. This is what happens when a married man forgets his responsibilities”. He says before stepping out leaving the door open. Shame on me.

I couldn’t let them get away with it, they had to pay for what they did to me and my family. After my uncle left I took a short trip to the only room in this house I haven’t seen in over eight years. A room where I buried the remains of the old Sakhile. Not knowing where the key was I used a bolt cutter to cut the lock and I found my way inside there. Everything was either rusty or dirty but the piece I was looking for was inside the safety on the wall. Still shinny like it was bought yesterday. Thanks to the call from my lawyers I got to have their full names and with help from their social media accounts I also got to know their possible location. It took a while but pretending to be a lost pizza delivery guy gained me access to their house, there was only two of them and they didn’t even recognize me. I should have killed them! I was there and I let them live, after leaving the house I shot three bullet in the sky. I thought it was going to make me feel better. They killed my guard and shot my brother, I thought seeing them dead will even the scores but I changed my mind, revenge is no longer my way of life. I want peace and justice. I’m curled up here in dark wondering how the hell did I get myself in this mess. This gym always gives me a chance to be alone and think about a lot that shouldn’t have happened, I’m drowning in a pool of regrets and what ifs with no solutions but stress and enxiety. The door slowly opens again it’s dark I can’t see who is this standing here but judging by the shadow caused by moonlight, it’s a man. He switches on the lights and his eyes wonder across the whole room before finding me curled up in the corner, still in black and white with a waistcoat and all. I look at him his eyes all out. “My boy listen to me, this is not the way to do things, you don’t have to do it…” He’s mumbling and slowly walking towards me. “Give that to me” he whispers with a trembling voice. What does he want? Oh shit! I’m still holding the gun in my hand. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically I can’t even move. He squats next to me and gently pulls the gun off my hand. He smells it while looking at me. I’m guessing he wants to know if it’s been used. He then unloads it before sitting down next to me knees up and both his hands around his legs, we are both looking at the door. Silence. “When?” He asks. “A few hours ago” I say. “How many?” He asks. Silence. “Why?” He asks. It’s because they hijacked me twice in one day, because they shot Thobani. That’s why! “I thought you said you stopped playing with guns…” He says. I keep quiet. “Answer me Damm it! Do you want to die?” “No” “There are no old wrinkled hitmen Sakhile they’re either dead or in jail!” He says. I’m not a hitman, I was provoked. “What’s going to happen if there’s a lot of them? If their brothers come looking for the man who killed them, what then?” He asks I guess he thinks that I killed them. “I didn’t think about that…” Damn it! I shouldn’t have said that out loud. He gets up fast and reaches for his sjambok I also stand “That’s your problem! You don’t think!” he strikes with the sjambok, WTF! This thing hurt! You can never get used to it. I jump to stand next to the bench he follows me around this room with multiple strikes until I decide to sit down on the bench, I’m done running. Maybe I deserve it. I don’t cry, I just sit here and listen to the sound the sjambok makes when it meets the skin. Creating art marks on my back and arms. I can’t really have visible bruises because I am dark skinned but the way it hurts I’m sure I have green marks and I’m swollen. He clicks his tongue before stepping out of the room… A few minutes later he comes back to switch off the light and sits next to me, silence, in the dark until the morning.

______________________

They were right about Thobani. He was awake the next morning when we went to visit him. But he stayed in hospital for a week after that he was discharged. He stays with us here for now because Malume and Malumekazi are staying at the house in unit BB and since they still don’t know about Nancy it was better to have Thobani this side so they could see each other when it’s convenient. Nancy surprised me, she stood by his bed from the day he was shot until now, careful not to distract us as the family every chance she got to sneak into his ward she used it. Fezile also helped her sometimes. Her real name is Nonsikelelo Cele, she’s from Harding and she’s also a student in UKZN. Thobani has changed a bit he is no longer loud and full of life. He is still driven but he’s become too serious about everything, even his WhatsApp statuses recently are about how short life is and how we should live our lives to the fullest. He has even changed his ringtone from some kokota something to Westlife- If tomorrow never comes. After we were all relieved that Thobani was safe, Malume ambushed me, we took a long drive only to find ourselves in a single roundavel in the middle of nowhere where we met an old man. Through vomiting, steaming and bathing in the same house with them sitting down talking about my business. The other man whom I assumed was a sangoma or a prophet, he was one of those people who can communicate with the dead. He told us that I didn’t have bad luck as a result of the ‘murder’ I committed. He pointed out that I should be strong because I have close enemies, who doesn’t? He also said I should come and see him soon because there’s something he still needs to confirm, no I can’t call him because he doesn’t use a cellphone- The ancestors don’t want him to. Malume couldn’t miss the opportunity to tell him that I am rich and I am soon going to open my own mall, black parents and exaggerating! That’s why the man charged us an arm and a leg for the few hours we spent there. I could have bought two sheeps with that money. But I guess it worked because from the day I went there things are only looking upwards. The pensioners have decided that we have dinner tonight as a family to thank God for protecting us, especially Thobani and to celebrate the upcoming ‘Mall’ opening, Fezile asked to invite her friend Nancy, they’re becoming too close. So it’s just the seven of us. The pensioners, Fezile, Nancy, Thobani and myself. Oh and Mnqobi who invited himself and thank God he did because he is good with breaking the ice with his thousand questions. With a mouth running like the Victoria falls he was bound to mess up and boy he did! Proudly calling Nancy “Mami”. While we were all eating. Silence. I wanted to dig a hole and hide, Fezile and Nancy just carried on like they didn’t hear nothing, Thobani started throwing compliments about how delicious the food was even the mixed vegetables we both know he hates. “Heavenly father, you have been kind and generous, guided us through difficult journeys and will continue to do so for you promised never to forsake us. In your name we shall never be defeated. Amen”- Malumekazi prayed to thank the Lord after we finished eating. “Amen” we all said, together.

“Please speak to your sister-in-law she’s ruining all my hard work” Nancy says to Thobani as she walks in the kitchen from the main bedroom, she’s getting comfortable I see. He looks at me I shrunk, but let me go and check on my wife to see why she’s upsetting miss UKZN. I open the bedroom door slowly, Fezile is sitting on the bed facing the mirror on the wall, she’s wrapped in a white bath towel. “Mrs Zulu” I say standing next to the door I’m already dressed in my black suit and white shirt which she chose for me. She turns to look at me, she’s gorgeous. They did something to her face, make-up I think. She looks flowless, is she… Yes she’s crying. I quickly go to sit next to her. “What’s wrong love?” I ask trying to be calm. “The dress doesn’t fit me anymore, we did final fittings last week and it was perfect but now it doesn’t fit me” she says crying. She has black tears today. Honestly pregnant women are not normal, no grown person cries because a dress doesn’t fit. “We can go and buy another one” I say. I don’t even know where she bought this one. Actually no we can’t, it’s 3pm and the event starts at 6pm. We are going to the opening of the ‘Mall’ today and this past week has been nothing but headache. For once in my life I literally spent over a couple of million rands in a week. Fezile hired someone who’s been arranging everything, an event organizer. Then there was security, catering and a lot more, I was just paying and paying and paying. Fezile, Nancy and Sonto were more hands on on this thing even though some people were getting paid to make sure everything goes accordingly while Phindile was in Mauritius destressing, at least she promised her sister she’ll be back by today. I have a crying wife and I don’t know what I am going to do, “Is everything okay?” -Malumekazi asks as they come in looking like they are going to a wedding. “Her dress is now small” I say “Let me see it” -Malumekazi, I take it from the bed and give it to her, she turns it around. “Give me a needle and maroon cotton” -Malumekazi. I look and find the needle and black cotton. I don’t know what she did really but when she finished the dress was still looking the same but somehow big enough to fit. Thobani and Nancy left in a Polo. The pensioners left in their Hilux. I’m thinking we’re going to use Fezile’s car since it was left in hospital the day of the break in, it’s the only car we have left anyway . “Tell me I’m beautiful” -Fezile says to me before we step out of the bedroom, she looks like a dream in this maroon dress that is tight on the top with short sleeves and flowing from just below the breasts all the way down, no doek today. She put the hair that they bought with Nancy, she also made her face up. “You look like a boss” I say leaning towards her, we kiss. “Well I am the boss” she says, she was suppose to say ‘Thank you’ but I laugh anyway.. A black limo is already parked outside the gate when we step out of the house. I look at her. “Let’s take a ride dear husband, I wanted to surprise you. I paid for it” she says with a smile, okay she got me. I wasn’t expecting this at all, how much do doctors get paid anyway? “I love you” I say, with all my heart. “You’re going to love me more when you see what is underneath this dress later” -She says as I hold her hand while she sits down, “I want to see it now…” I say attempting to pick the dress up she laughs and quickly pulls it down. The driver smiles, Bloody eavesdropper!

I step out of the limo first then I go around to open the door for Fezile, I hold her hand, she takes out the leg first, wearing gold high heels *flash* I don’t know what that was. She then comes out and stands next to me *Flash* I think someone is taking pictures but I don’t know who. “Ready?” I ask, I’m nervous. “Ready when you are.” She says, that golden smile again I can’t wait to see what’s underneath this dress later on. Good the guards are here I don’t want anything to touch or even come close to her tonight. They lead us to the entrance, Wow this is breathtaking, we are standing at the entrance looking at the venue, I see a lot of gold and white with a touch of animal print. “You did all this?” I ask it’s truly amazing. “This is your dream, our dream. It had to be perfect” she says with her beautiful smile, sometimes I think I don’t deserve this woman, really. “So what do you think?” a lady in front of us asks looking at Fezile, she’s the typical slayqueen / model kind, thin, tall with high heels, long hair and a short dress. Beautiful nonetheless, “You out did yourself Liz! We’re happy, this is my husband” – Fezile says to the lady, “Love this is Liziwe, she did all this” -She also says pointing at the venue, this lady must be the event organizer. “Nice to meet you Mr Zulu” -Liziwe says stretching out her hand for a handshake, she’s well mannered I see. “Thanks for your beautiful work” I say, handshake. She says thanks before turning to Fezile and they talk about the main table stuff I don’t understand, oh and now they are both walking along and I’m left here, I might as well go greet the guests. I meet Sonto, Bheki and two other guys who look like him, his brothers maybe. first we greet each other and pass, at least he’s not wearing Brentwood today, he’s got a suit like all the men here. I walk along shaking hands and flashing smiles, this is not easy at all. I see Zolani and his wife, he’s wearing a grey suit with a white shirt and as always he looks rich, powerful and intimidating. He’s wife is looking classy in a black velvet dress, same hair like Fezile and Nancy. Her eyelashes are so long they can sweep the poverty out of Africa. We exchange our greetings and pass. I also greet the Sokhulu brothers, such positive energy. “Don’t disappear on me I need you here”- Fezile says grabbing my hand. Where are we going? The place is getting full now we are literally squeezing ourselves in between people as we walk until we find a quiet place. She looks worried. “What’s the matter?” I ask “They didn’t count Nancy in the family table, they only have a chair for Thobani”- Fezile says I’m not sure if she’s sad or angry. Nancy is not family, yet. She should understand that besides she can’t publicly sit at the same table as Malume and Zolani without proper explanation of who she is. “I’ll get them to sort it out” I say, I don’t want to stress her, she should be happy not worried. “Oh shit!” Someone says behind us “Don’t run away” Fezile says to them. It’s Thobani and Nancy, I think they were up to no good, again. she’s wearing a red dress a short make of Fezile’s and he’s wearing…wait, I look at my wife and back at him. “Are we?” I say pointing at Thobani. “Wearing the same suits? Yes”- Fezile says laughing. “So you also didn’t notice?” -Nancy asks looking at Thobani, he shakes his head. Both the ladies laugh, this is no funny. “You all should have your own reality tv show, matching outfits and all!”-Phindile says as she walks towards her sister, hugs and screams, you can take a woman away from eKazi but you can never take the Kasi away from her. We all laugh and get back to the event, everyone is seated. An extra chair is put and we all sit.

What a successful evening! I’m standing now thanking everyone I can remember, the food and drinks are still coming, I look around and my eyes meet Malume’s , he can see that I’m thinking of doing something, he nods. He can beat me up now and again but don’t get it twisted he’s the best mentor, uncle and father one could ever I ask for. But what if I mess up? I don’t want to embarrass my wife she’s already complaining about painful feet, “Lastly but not least, thank you to my lovely wife…” “Yep tell them you’re taken!”-Sonto says a little bit louder, I think the champagne has something to do with it. “Where is the wife we can’t see her?”- James shouts from another table, I didn’t even notice he was here he’s still avoiding me, for what? I don’t know. “Ngicela usukume Nkosikazi bakubone (my dear wife, please stand. Let them see you).” I say. She stands. A lot of clapping and ‘wow’s. I look at Malume again, he nods. I look at Fezile, she’s smiling. I hold both her hands and turn to look at her. She’s trying to figure out what I’m trying to do, I don’t know either but I just feel like saying it. I take a deep breath. “The first time I saw you I knew you were not single, and in the slight, rare possibility that you were you wouldn’t want me because I wasn’t him…” The room is dead quite “I didn’t know your prince charming but I had him drawn in my mind, he was tall, dark and ugly…” Everybody laughs. “He was a pilot or a professor, he wore suits, he read books, he bought flowers and chocolates, he listened to slow jam and he spoke french on Valentine’s day… Everything that I was not. But also the first time I saw you I knew I had found my wife. You were way out of my league and chasing after you became my favorite sport.” Silence. “The fact that I didn’t deserve you fuelled my desire to pursue you and for once in my life I looked at a woman’s eyes and I wanted to stay and belong. And after a long time I was doing the same thing telling you that I love you and expecting you to say ‘okay so?'” Everyone laughs again. “…You didn’t, instead you said you loved me too” “I still do” She says, everybody claps. She looks like she’s about to cry. “I love you more, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what have I done? How could I convince you to love me when I didn’t even know who I was, I didn’t want to hurt you. So as painful as it was I decided to let you go, not brave enough to tell you myself I got arrested just two months after we started dating and I was hoping you’d leave and let me die in jail but you did everything you could and got me out in a week.” She’s crying now and I want to stop but I also don’t want to “so I decided to give it a try, to let you see the broken pieces of my heart and soul I thought then maybe you’ll see that you deserved better than I could ever give you. I slowly opened up to you, you kept on listening, day in day out I was sharing information with you that I have never shared with anyone else alive and you still woke up every morning reminding me that you love me, you were the first woman who saw me fully exposed, naked and didn’t run away from me…” “Well The first time I saw you naked, I wanted to run” She whispers, Damn! this mic now everyone heard that and they are laughing. “Fezile you are beautiful, smart, warm, powerful, trustworthy, loving, caring and fierce. And I wake up everyday grateful to God and your parents for raising you to be the greatest woman any man could ever ask for. Thank you for loving me, for tolerating my shortcomings and for being my rock. I know that someone must have told you ‘Goodluck with him’ I’m sorry for that and for all the time you needed me but I wasn’t available, for all the times you wanted me to see things your way because it was the right way but I accused you of trying to control me, I’m sorry for taking so long to find myself and to understand that you love me, all of me.” She’s crying and now I can’t just pretend like I don’t want to cry either. So I stop talking and I embrace her, I hear a lot of clapping again. With my eyes I scan the room everyone is standing and most of the ladies close to us are wiping their face, no, not faces, eyes. They are crying I see lot of flashing lights also. It’s been a beautiful evening.

Everyone is now composed and the room is now half empty because most of the people have gone outside, the party is still going on outside with live performances from local artists, they didn’t invite any Maskandi artists so I’m not interested. One of the guards sneaks something in my pocket and gives me a thump’s up. Eish! Thobani saw him “I knew it!” -Thobani says loudly the whole family turns to look at him, I give him the ‘shut the fuck up!’ look. “Bafana Bafana lost the game” -He says with a mischievous smile, he’s slowly getting back to his old self, stupid! Now everyone is annoyed. “Let’s go outside I need some air” I whisper to Fezile, it’s way after 10pm, we stand up and leave but before we could exit I see the whole family rushing to get to us, they seem excited. Thobani is a snitch! “Where are we going?” -Fezile asks “Home” I say, she turns to look at me, I laugh. There is a lot of noise and people outside here and my family is looking happy. “Okay you can stand here” I say letting go of her hand. We are in front of the garage door “Sakhile what’s going on?” -She asks but I don’t answer instead I press the remote and the door opens. THERE IT IS! She freezes, I’m next to her in a flash but she leaves me there and walk around the car and come back to me, I pull out the key from my pocket. “OMG! You bought this car!” She asks I nod. *Flash* why do people take pictures during the night? “It’s beautiful I love it” she says, Thank goodness she likes it, it’s a beautiful white Volvo XC90 classy enough for her and big enough for the kids. “It’s yours” I say, she doesn’t believe it, okay let’s give her a minute. Whoah! I hope someone took a picture, that facial expression was priceless. I smile. She jumps and embrace me My body gets warm. “You still remember the promise, right?” I just have to make sure, promise is a promise. Our foreheads are still touching each other. “Of course, later big guy” she whispers while tapping the front of my pants, as good as this feels I hope no one took a picture. I smile, she lets go of me. “Can I drive it?” She asks, I nod. “Phindy! Sonto! Let’s take a ride…” She shouts waving the key, more screams and flashing lights. They get in the car and drive off, then the car reverses about 100m away from us. “Girl come let’s go!” Fezile calls Nancy, they’ve become too close. She gets in and off they go again. I signal for two guards to follow their car, Safety first… Everyone has gone back to doing what they were doing and I’m standing outside here next to garage with my hands in my pocket, the sky is clear and the stars look brighter than most days. “They are proud of you, we all are…” Thobani says next to me. He sounds so serious like he is deep in thoughts. I did not even see him coming, Who is ‘they’?” “Mom and dad” He says like he read my mind. To be honest I also wish they were here to witness all this and tell me that themselves. My phone beeps, it’s a message from Malumekazi “Sakhi we don’t know what to say son, we are so proud of you Ndabezitha, to God be the glory” it reads. Coincidence? I believe not.

“Nonhle, hi” I greet, I’m still stunned. “Did you just greet me? Lord I hope I don’t die today” She says with the palms of her hands pressed together. She is still bubbly I see. “Why do you say that?” I ask, she is being funny “Sakhile you don’t great, like ever. You just talk” She says laughing, she is lying I have manners. “Lier! Come here..” I say opening the door, she does the same. We meet outside the car and hug. She is much lighter now I almost lift her up with one hand and she screams. I put her down. “Where have you been? What are you doing? What brings you here?” “Easy with the questions Mr… I’m good, great actually” She says with a smile. She now has a silver in one of the front teeth. I’ve never been a fan of them but it looks good on her. “You do look great” I say. That was random I must admit. “Let’s go before you get late” She says getting inside the car and strapping herself with the seatbelt. The front seat is vacant so I might as well occupy it.

The trip to town was smooth and the conversation was flowing, she now lives in PMB, she didn’t say nothing about having kids and she has no ring so I figured she is not married. I just made a call to the people I’m going to be getting the car from and the car I wanted is still on service, they do have the one I chose as my second opinion but the colour is yellow, I don’t see myself driving a yellow car. bloody incompetent people. Now I have an extra hour to wonder around town until the car is ready. She said she would wait until I get the car so we agreed to do lunch at Dropkick Murphy’s. I had to call Fezile and let her know that I’ve organized a driver who’s going to drive her home later on. She didn’t like it of course, infact she told me she won’t leave her car at the hospital like I was asking for her permission. She’s already seated when I come in “It should be illegal to be this beautiful and alone in a place like this” she looks up to me and smiles, more like blushes. “Mnqobi is the name, can I buy you a drink?” I say reaching for a hand shake. “Nice to meet you Mnqobi. I’m Nonhle” She says with a smile while giving me her hand. I kiss the back of it. “You look good”- Nonhle. She is mocking me because I am wearing sneakers, track pants and a hoody. All nike. She’s also wearing sneakers, blue jean a bit too close to the skin and a plain white top written something in black on the chest area. ‘o jewa ke eng?’ yep I just read it, rude I know. “What line of work are you in Mnqobi?” She asks. I see she is in the mood to play this game so “I break in…” She laughs out loud drawing attention from the people around us. “… into people’s hearts” I manage to finish what I was saying. She stops laughing, her smile fades. “I’ll have mint and lime mojito, please” she says.

The food is nice, drinks even nicer. Our conversation moves from current affairs to soccer, to the weather and back to soccer. We don’t talk about us, that’s if there is an ‘us’. My phone rings, it’s the car people. I answer. “What, why?” These people are testing me. “Stop fucking apologizing and tell me how the hell am I supposed to get to Mpumalanga?” I’m furious! I can’t deal with this guy’s mumbling so I hung up. Maybe I should just cancel this trip and go back home, nothing is going my way today. “Are you okay?” She asks. Stupid question! Does it look like I’m okay? “They say the car won’t be ready today” I say. Politely. “Oh, so now what are you going to do?” She asks. Even more stupid. “I’ll have to cancel, unless you can drive me there” I say. I’m reaching aren’t I ? “Eish …” She says drinking what is left of her mojito. “I’ll understand if you can’t” I say. Everyone would actually. You can’t be expected to drive a person you haven’t seen in over nine years across the province. Especially not your Ex-lover. “I’ll take you there” huh! “Are you sure?” I ask like I have another choice. “Well you’ll fill up the tank but yeah” She says. I call the waiter, settle the bill and we are out. Turns out my day isn’t that bad after all.

“Awungitshele sthandwa sami kulamagama ongibiza ngawo ngabe wena uthanda liphi? (Tell me my love amongst the names you use to call me which one is your favorite?) Njengoba uthi sweetie uphinde uthi lovie ngab’iliphi elakho awungitshele? (Sometimes you call me sweetie and then you call me lovie which is really your favorite? ) The sounds of Shwi Nomtekhala are exactly what I needed to brighten up my day and the breeze coming in through the window, the view of green forests and high mountains complemented by the orange sunset skies are just perfect. I’m now driving and singing along to the music playing in my phone. I connected it to the bluetooth thing in here. She is sitting on the passenger seat minding her phone while occasionally stealing glances at me. She said we should cancel the uber trip so I paid up until to town, she also said that full tank for this car costs about R750 so I deposited R2000 into her account. It’s still much less than what I’d have paid to those fools whom I was suppose to be getting the car from. My phone rings it’s still connected to this loud speaker thing. It’s my uncle I haven’t spoken to him in a week. “Sawubona Malume” I say, I hear a deep sigh, more like relief “Sakhile, are you all well that side?” He asks. He sounds worried. “Yes” I’m trying to cut this conversation short. “And Thobani? Is he also okay?” He asks, “Yes” I say, I spoke to him last night. I’m hoping he doesn’t ask any more questions, he sounds stressed and if I wasn’t in a car with a person I’m not supposed to be with I’d give him time. “Everything is going well Malume, how are you?” I ask. “We are well, just a bad dream, don’t worry.” And with that we say our goodbyes. I call Thobani. He is fine but of course he wants more money so I ask James to send him some money from my other account. My phone beeps, it’s a bank notification “…R7000 successfully transferred to…” What the hell! I’m going to kill James. I need a drink.

Nonhle is fast asleep and I’m solely dependent on this navigation thing. I’ve been driving for over 3 hours and I have no idea where we are right now. I see two gentlemen standing on the side of the road with a cooler box next to them, they must be selling something. The road is quite empty so I pull over and quickly go to them. Turns out they are selling energy drinks I get 2 cans for R50 and carry on. This drink tastes horrible but it’s cool so I drink it all in one go. Such nice guys, they even advised me not to go straight because there’s traffic ahead caused by an accident, something about a collision between a truck and a van, they said it’s better to take the first offramp, it’s faster looking at this navigation thing but it crosses through the forest. My eyes are getting heavy… “Ouch!” She screams, I almost bumped into a tree, we are already inside this thick forest. “Sakhile what’s going on?” She asks loudly. My head is pounding and I can barely see. “Let me drive!” She says. I stop. As I walk from the driver’s seat to the passenger side I have to balance myself with the car because I can barely walk, I’m not sure what is happening with me but my chest is burning, my head is buzzing and before I could reach the door I fall. I blink and I see their car, those two guys who sold me the energy drink, They have guns. I’m trying to tell Nonhle to drive off but my voice can’t come out, I can’t move my limbs… I blink again and I see one of them, he is in my face pointing a gun at me. I close my eyes, wait for him to shoot and In that moment I see my son, my wife, I see my family. I can’t give in! I have to fight for them. I gather enough strength and try to stand up but an ice cold metal hitting the back of my head sends me back to the ground, everything goes black.

“My car! Sakhile they took my car! My car!” She keeps screaming and sobbing. I open my eyes and I see the road, I look around and see the trees. My head is buzzing and everything is blur, I see her sitting down with her knees up and her chin on top of them. Her eyes are red… And then it hits me, we’ve been hijacked. They took the car and everything that was inside it including my bag, wallet, phone and driving license. We have nothing except ourselves and the clothes we are wearing. Thank God they didn’t rape or hurt her physically.

We’ve been walking for over an hour and we still haven’t found our way out of this forest. I’m slowly getting my vision back and my body seems to be getting better from the sudden fatigue. “I need water” she says. “Let’s go this way” I say. Looking at the structure of this forest I think we are at the peak of it so if we go down totally abandoning the road we might find water and Lord knows what else we might find there. I was right, there is water down here. It’s a small river and the water is knee high, we drink with our mouths directly from the river and we decide to sit down a bit before resuming with our journey.

We’ve realized that in order for us to make it out of here alive, we need each other. We think that the energy drink I drank was drugged and that those guys advised me to take that specific road because it was dead quite and it cut through the forest making it easy for them to do what ever they wanted to do with us without worrying about getting distracted. The sun has completely set and here I am, sitting butt-flat in the middle of the Amazon with my knees up and her in between my legs with her back on my chest. We are stranded. “Sakhile you should stop making empty promises” She says. With a giggle. I am confused. “Why do you say that?” I ask. “Don’t cry I will buy you a new car” really Sakhile? with what?” She asks, still laughing. Oh by the way when she was crying non stop I ran out of things to say trying to get her to stop crying so I ended up promising to buy her a new car. But I wasn’t lying. “Sakhile…” She say turning to look at me, I look down. She stands up to look at me from head to toe, she folds her arms across her chest. “Why did you have to come to Mpumalanga?” She asks. It’s been a long day and I don’t even have time to lie so “There’s a space I want to buy, for business purposes” I say. “Business?” She says looking at me like I should explain. “I own a car wash, me and my family and I want to expand to other provinces, Mpumalanga was just a start” I say. “The ring?” She asks. I didn’t even think she noticed it. “I have a wife and two children” I say. She sits down a bit far from me facing the river. Silence. After what seemed like a good two minutes “I have a fiance” she says. Oh, okay “Everything went wrong Sakhile, we were never meant to be” she says still not looking at me. I disagree. We had our thing and it was good while it lasted. “I thought we loved one another, that all the pain that came with being yours was normal, I thought it was the definition of ‘love hurts’ that everyone kept talking about. But now that I know what love is, what love should be I just know we never loved each other.” She says. Wow really bitch? “I can’t speak for you but my feelings were real, I really lo… I really cared about you” I can’t get myself to say I love someone else, I know who I love, who I’ll always love. “Exactly! You needed someone who was though enough to tolerate your demons and I needed someone who was man enough not to be intimidated by my masculinity.” She says. “I’m sorry” I say. I’m not really sorry I’m just saying it because it always works with… It always works. “Sakhile you hurt me in everyway possible, And I when decided to stop holding on to that fake hope I almost died, I was living with you, sleeping with you and I silently eased you out, I remember watching all the pieces I had used to build my forever with you burning down into ashes killing every part of me but I couldn’t scream and risk alarming you that I was on my way out because you said you’d kill me if I left you” She says. There is some truth in what she is saying, but she needs to understand that she came into my life while I was under construction and that phase ain’t pretty. The sweating and enxiety that comes with fixing your life pains, it drains. I was trying my best to put my life on track! To free myself from a political past I never chose to be born in while trying to head a family. I was young and scared and all she could offer was nothing but sex and demands. I was capable of changing, capable of being a better man and I needed her help but she couldn’t see it. Isn’t that’s why God created women, to be our assistants? To advise and guide us? She wasn’t woman enough for me. I could try explaining this to her but she will never get it. “It’s getting dark we should get out of here” I say standing up, She looks like she’s feeling cold. “Here, take this” I say handing her my hoody. She wears it. “It’s looks good on you” I say trying not to laugh, it’s too big, she looks like weezy. “Tsek” she says punching me in my left arm. I quickly grab her around her waist with my right arm and pull her closer. We are looking into each other’s eyes. It’s fascinating how she still looks exactly like she looked nine years ago, melanin don’t crack, they say. “We all have done things we are not proud of in the past, I never meant to hurt you” I say. I feel her arms on my back and I let go of my common sense. Our lips meet. She freezes before pulling back. “You are better at that now” She says with a smile. Tsek! “And bigger” I say. She squeezes my butt, I always hated it when she did that and she knows it, she laughs. We kiss again, I pick her up and put her flat on her back, the button on her jean is tight. It takes a while to open. Something falls from the tree. I look. Oh fuck! “A snake” I say calmly. See snakes read energy and they won’t attack human being without being provoked or feeling threatened. But this drama-queen here screams so loud the King cobra raises it’s head in a flash. At least she’s running to the other direction because we can’t afford to go back, we already know there is no possiblity of help that side and I’m stuck here still on my knees eye-to-eye with one the most deadliest snakes in the world. I remember the tricks I learned while heading cows in the mountains years ago “keep your cool and retrieve” my uncle used to say. “Don’t strike unless you are 100% sure that you won’t miss the head” he used to add. I slowly take steps back, I’m still on my knees, I crawl until I am about 2 mitres away from the snake. It’s still not moving. In one jump I land on the other side of the river, I turn around and I don’t see the snake anymore. I run for my life.

‘Now I am safe’ I say this as I sleep in this single bed of Lord knows who. After running for what seemed like a life time, screaming and calling Nonhle’s name who had disappeared in the forest, ducking trees and jumping at anything moving in the grass we found ourselves knocking at the first roundavel we saw, it looked dark inside but we knocked anyway until an elderly lady probably in her 60s opened the door. When we walked in inside we saw that she was already sleeping in one sponge with about six children who looked between the ages of 4-10, probably her grandchildren. She lit a candle and boiled water using fire. She gave us to bath. We ate amadumbe for dinner and she gave me this roundavel to sleep in, Nonhle remained with her and the kids in that other roundavel. I can’t stop thinking about Fezile and Mnqobi, about how they are and where they think I am where there’s no access to phone calls or texts. See what happens when you forget your priorities as a married man? You find yourself in unnecessary shit you could have easily avoided. But this is not the time to feel guilty. I first need to sleep and tomorrow find myself a way home.

************************

After waking up in the break of down hearing whisils from men and boys heading cows. The old lady was already awake preparing the kids for school, I sat and watched them deeping their slices of home baked bread in a bowl of tea that the lady whom they referred to as “Gogo” had prepared for them. Apparently they have to walk about 5 miles to the nearest primary school, the houses here are far apart and neighbors are like a kilometer away, it’s in the bundus with no electricity and no roads. And looking at the state of her two roundavels she is the poorest of the poor. We also had to quickly freshen up and leave. But before we could, she came to us with a plastic bag full of something. “Ndodana (son) you said you were from Durban, right? She asked. “Yes mama” I said. She then gave a R200 note and asked me to please give it to her older grandchild Nomandla who is a student at Mangosuthu. I couldn’t say no mainly because we didn’t have any money on ourselves and we could use that money to get us at a place where we could make calls and get ourselves out of this mess. As for how I was going to find a ‘Nomandla’ whose surname I don’t know in Mangosuthu, that was another story but I knew Thobani would find a way. “Oh, makoti will prepare this for you at home” She said looking at Nonhle while giving me the plastic bag, more Madumbe. If only she knew that madam here can’t cook to save her life, cooking amadumbe is easy you just add water and salt then let the heat take care of the rest, but I’m sure her madumbe will either be half cooked or burnt. I smiled and gave thanks. It’s strange how the poor people are always the ones who share without expecting anything in return. “I’ll see you soon mama” I said. She nodded and flashed her toothless smile. You know that smile that you give when you don’t want to roll your eyes, the ‘Ive heard that song before’ smile. With no inch of pride or shame left. She stood there and waved at us as we walked and walked until we disappeared in the mountains.

We first had to find the nearest police station to report the hijacking, the constables here are giving us odd stares. We are given strange energy, like they were expecting us. We are lead to an office. It looks like the captain’s office. These two grown men look at each other in the eyes as we walk in. Okay wait! Something doesn’t make sense here. The car has been found? Where? How did they even know it was missing? We sit and listen. Confused as fuck. The story is: the police were driving to attend to a different call but the driver of this vehicle was driving so fast they had to pull him over. I didn’t even know that was legal, and it turned out he didn’t have driving license with him or the papers for the car, obviously . While he was trying to make excuses another car pulled up and started firing at the police, I’m guessing that was the other guy since there was two of them, and while they attended to the rain of bullet, he disappeared and left the car there. “Do you recognize any these things?” This other officer asks. I see my bag, my phone and her phone. I don’t see my wallet. Let me take my phone. “No you can’t touch that, you will mess with the evidence” one of them says I don’t know which one. Fuck them I need to make a call, Now! They seem to understand. Oh no! I have over 18 missed calls. 3 from Thobani, 2 from Fezile, 4 from James, 2 from Malume and others from different numbers. I call Thobani. He doesn’t pick up. I call Fezile. Voicemail. WTF! I call James it rings twice before going to voicemail. I need to get out of here.

My wallet turned out to be inside my other sleep over bag. And everything seemed to still be there including my cards and licence, I think we got hijacked by amateurs. Finding a taxi rank was a headache so a miter taxi to Durban was the only option, another miter taxi from town to Umlazi. Who are all these people walking around my yard? And there’s cars. I see Thobani’s polo. I also see Zolani’s Prado. That white Fortuner must be his wife’s. That silver grey Toyota Hilux with an NIX registration is my uncle’s, there is another red sport car it must be Phindile’s I heard she bought herself a new car to celebrate spring day. There’s the red and white tape on garage door, you know that one they use in crime scenes? I get inside the house. They’re all seated. Quiet. Zolani and his wife, Phindile and Malumekazi (my uncle’s wife). Somebody better speak up. Now! “Sakhile sit down” -Malumekazi she sounds tired, drained. I’m not sitting “What’s going on?” I ask. No answer. Phindile stands up and leaves the room, wait is she crying? I look at Zolani, his eyes are red, his face is hard – not like tense hard but the uncomfortable hard, like there’s a sting of fear in his face. He takes a deep sigh “Sbali people broke in here last night trying to steal the cars” – Zolani. Oh no! My wife? My son? “Where’s my wife Sbali” I ask. I can’t help panicking. “She’s at the hospital”-Zolani. No! “Thobani got shot” -Zolani. Noooo!

Have you ever felt complete? Content? Like everything makes sense? Have you ever felt like you understand everything that has happened to and around you, like you know the reason why certain things had to happen and you are okay with everything. That’s how I’m feeling today, it’s how I’ve been feeling for the past few days. It’s been a good two months and things have moved quite fast. Business is booming, we’ve completed the construction of the building which is going to be rented out to shop owners. A salon, car spares shop, hardware and a shisanyama are confirmed and should be operational in the next few weeks. Even the mobile car wash business which was initially Thobani’s idea is doing great. Speaking of Thobani, he is really doing well for himself, the university seems to be loving his leadership skills, I’ve seen a few clips of him on social media which were taken in different occasions where he was addressing students, he seemed to know what he was talking about and the cheering and clapping mostly from female students came in handy. He now drives a red Polo. I still can’t get off my mind the look on his face when the salesman gave him the car keys, when he eventually came back to his senses and hugged me for a long one minute with wet eyes, which was rather strange because we don’t do hugs, it’s just not in us. I couldn’t help but feel something within me. A feeling I can’t explain, I felt the gods and my ancestors giving me a crown and approving my modality, it was like a pat on my shoulder from my father thanking me for doing better than he could ever dream of. I’m not sure if I’m explaining it well but I remember that feeling and it felt just right.

My father was…, well just that, my father. He was never around during the day but came back home every night. He was working obviously but it did seem like he had a life outside the four roomed house that the IFP built for him and my mother. He was was a dedicated and trusted member of the IFP and would kill you for saying anything he didn’t like about the party. He literally lived his life as a true servant of the party while he was staying in 17(seventeen is a male hostel name of unit T in Umlazi which was mostly dominated by IFP comrades pre 1994). But he was a man and he needed a woman who was going to provide for his manly needs, that’s how he got our mother to cook, wash and warm the sheets every night when he came back home to release all the anger and the stress that came with his line of work. I don’t even think they loved each other, but they had duties to fulfill. His duty was to provide and protect which he was satisfactory at and her duty was to clean, wash, cook, offer unlimited sex and respect without questioning which she did perfectly well. And when you have unprotected sex everyday while young and healthy you are bound to fall pregnant and that’s how we came to this world. I don’t even think we were planned. In 1996 while he was on his duty serving the party he was shot and killed, the IFP buried him, and life went on. My mother tried her best to raise us but her dependency on my father was her biggest weakness, she struggled until her older brother and his wife took me in and raised me till I finished matric. After that studying further was not an option, I had to quickly find a job so I could provide for her and Thobani who was soon going to start high school. When it got harder I used to go back to my uncle’s house for a few days just to remind myself of how it felt like to be a boy and not have to worry about what everyone is going to eat or wear, but then that fantasy was always short lived because I would have to get back home to be the ‘man of the house’ sooner than I wanted.

We went for the 3rd scan with Fezile last week and my boy is growing fast. Well we still don’t know the gender but I have a feeling it’s a boy. Today I’m just going to quickly finish up here at work and go fetch her from her workplace. She still works at the hospital, she doesn’t like me to drive her to and from work. She thinks it’s unnecessary, she doesn’t understand that I can’t let her drive while she is pregnant, what if something happens? I don’t know what might happen, but things happen, you know. And I need to be there with her, always. My phone is ringing, it’s Phindile, my wife’s older sister. “MaNtuli is Fezile okay?” I ask, why else would she call unless it’s about her sister? “She’s fine sbali I need a favour, please” she says. I hate favours. “Sure, anything” I say. “My kitchen tap is broken and water is messing the house, I tried calling Robert but…” She is just singing without even breathing in between, as for the reason why she called Robert? I don’t know. I know they are married but he is never home, he is always out of the country, Italy, China, Singapore, Australia, Dubai he is always somewhere across the India ocean. I myself have only met him twice in my whole life, at my wedding and at my mother’s funeral. I sometimes think that poor white Robert is busy arranging property and buying houses that side preparing himself for when we finally take back the land. They’ve been married for over ten years but they don’t even have one child. Just one! But she needs help and she is my sister’s wife so let’s see. “Whoa whoa ! Calm down, you are saying the tap is leaking and the water is…?” I ask calmly. “The tap fell off, there is water in the house I’m afraid it’s going to touch the electric plugs…” “Okay put a blanket over the leaking pipe I’ll be there shortly” I say. I find my car keys, off I go. I don’t even tell James where I’m going to. She lives in Adams Mission so I should be there in 20 minutes or less. Good there is no traffic. I’m here in no time. The tap is broken and there’s water on the floor, it’s slippery and the tiles are not helping but it’s not as bad as she made it sound like on the call. “Do you have any plumbing tools?” I shout. I can’t speak softly the water is making noise. She is standing right next to the door staring at me “Tools! Toolbox!” I shout again she goes away and comes back with it. My T-shirt is already wet. It takes me a good 15 minutes to fix the tap and by the time I’m done all the clothes I am wearing are soaking wet. “I’ll get you a towel”- Phindile says rushing to one of the rooms and coming back with a big navy blue towel. I take it and say thank you, why is she standing here? I want to put my t-shirt on the towel and twist it so that the towel can absorb the water and to be able to do that I have to take it off. She gets the picture and quickly rushes off to one of the rooms, I don’t know which one this house is big, okay let me do this quickly. I’m topless in another man’s house and it doesn’t feel right. I know you are judging me too but I came here to help, that should count for something. “Sis, what’s with the water all over the…?” A voice of a woman says I turn around and look, it’s Sonto, she covers her eyes with a hand like she doesn’t want to look at me. Oh shit I’m topless! “Sorry!…” I say quickly putting my wet t-shirt on. “I think I heard…” -Phindile says as she comes in from one of the rooms, she’s now wearing a gown, I think she was in the bathroom. Sonto looks at me, then she looks at her sister. She looks at me again and widens her pair of binoculars, she puts her left hand on the door frame, her right hand on her hip and stands with her ankles crossed and gives us a look I know too well. She looks just like Fezile when she’s angry.

The first thing I wanted to do when I left that house was to call my wife, just to explain myself but also I had to quickly drive to my house, in wet clothes and avoid metro police while at it. Not that they would pull me over I mean I drive a Mercedes Benz GlA200 and cars like this one are rarely victims of their ‘cooldrink’ hunting spree. So it was a quick trip home, another quick one to the car wash and then a long drive to Kind Edward Hospital. While at the car wash Bheki came by to ask for a favour. I swear if I got paid a thousand rand for every favour I ever did for anyone, I’d be a billionaire by now. He wanted me to say that he was here, just in case someone called asking about him. Easy one, right? Infact he should have just called and I would have agreed to it over the phone. The security guard in me wants to know where he was and why he needs me to lie for him, but there is that bro code thing that has to be maintained. James already thinks that Bheki was involved in some illegal activities and he wants me to give him an alibi just in case the police arrest him. His theory makes sense but then considering their history James would never say anything good about Bheki. He thinks that the Umbumbulu prince is violent and dangerous. See James is from… Africa. He was born in Malawi, when he was 5 years old his parents moved with him to UK, when he was 10years old they moved again to Zimbabwe, from UK to Zimbabwe- strange I know. He also spent some years in Nairobi, Kenya. A bit in Cuba, Zambia and Lesotho. He came to South Africa about 8 years ago to live with his friends in Hillbrow, they were involved in the kind of business he didn’t like so he moved to live in point, Durban and somewhere between him trying to find himself a job while on the other hand trying to renew his permit we crossed paths and we became friends, then I offered him a job and later we became brothers. His work ethic is out of this world and his loyalty is unmatched. He speaks over 20 languages but his IsiZulu and IsiXhosa still needs some work. So one day while Bheki was visiting here James being James and wanting to give everyone the amount of respect only he can offer wanted to call him Mr Mchunu, but mistakenly pronounced the ‘C’ and it sounded like “Mr Msoonwu”. Bheki got angry and literally manhandled him I had to intervene. James’s IsiZulu vocabulary has since improved but there are some words he would never get right because of his accent, like my name is Sakhile, my closest friends including my wife call me Sakhi and When James attempted to call me that, let’s just say it was not to be heard by anyone younger than 18. He now calls me boss or Mr S and I call him Hussein, that’s his surname.

“Sakhile! so you were naked in older my sister’s house and you got caught by my younger sister?” She asked in a rather sarcastic manner before laughing and clapping once. I was busy trying to apologize with a bunch of flowers, some chocolate and Chicken licken hot wings and she just laughed. Not even a little jealous, maybe she doesn’t love me that much anymore. She did ask me why didn’t I call any of the plumbing companies I have on my phone book? And truthfully speaking I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, I could have sent one of my guys even. It was just after 3pm but when I was about to leave, she left with me. We had dinner watched some boring tv show and now we are in bed, naked after one round of a steamy session. We are cuddling and maybe, just maybe I should ask. “Love, why does your sister and her husband always stay apart most of the time?” This is none of my business but if some of the favours I have to do almost put me in danger I think I have the right to ask. “Robert is a helmsman , so his job…” A what man? “See a ship or a boat, it has a steering wheel inside and the person who holds it is called a helmsman” She explains, so Robert drives ships, okay. Fezile goes to explain how demanding his job is and that’s why he is never around. “While he is out there, who takes care of your sister?” I ask, I don’t understand the look she is giving me. Does it sound like I’m asking “Who is sleeping with your sister?” I mean I am curious the man hasn’t come home in like two years but I can’t just ask stuff like that. “They are rich, so what ever needs money to be sorted they just flash it and everything gets done. They have someone who cleans the house, someone else who does the garden, another one who does groceries and laundry and they’re in an open marriage…” She says. I didn’t know that there was such a thing as open and closed marriage. “Open marriage?” I ask, maybe we can try it also if they are able to be faithful to each other even with the distance between them, surely there is something we can learn from that. “Open marriage means that both Phindy and Rob can have other sexual relations while still married to each other…” WTF! “They have an agreement, Phindy can sleep with who ever she wants to sleep with as long as it’s not someone that Rob knows and Visa versa” she says. I hate my curios ass sometimes, that’s just some white shit I would never understand. Why pay lobola and get married to a woman whom you are going to share with everyone? It doesn’t make sense. “So what time are you leaving tomorrow?” she asks. Oh by the way tomorrow I’m off to Mpumalanga tomorrow, there’s a place I need to view there for a potential business opportunity. “I’ll leave just after lunch, there’s also a place there called Ebukhosini Resort I want to check out, Thobani and his friends are going there next weekend for one of them’s birthday party” I say. We cuddle until she falls asleep, in my arms.

Of all the days James decides not to show up for me today, He was supposed to drive me to town and then from there I’ll rent a car and continue with my trip to Mpumalanga, ain’t no way I’m driving my Benz to a province I barely know. He said that he got held up at work but he will organise an Uber about ten minutes ago, it’s after 11 am and I’m already late. “Uber should be there shortly, got you a female driver😜” a text from him. Since when does Uber have female drivers? With all the kidnapping and murder South African woman are subjected to daily none would ever consider driving strangers for a living. Okay at least it’s a nice car, clean too. “Good day sir” says a voice of a lady on the driver’s seat as I sit down and place my bag on the seat next to me , so James did get a female driver. “Wow Ndabezitha!” the lady says again, her voice sounds familiar, I look up on the rear view mirror just to get her reflection. My goodness! So the uber driver just so happens to be my Ex-girlfriend , Wonderful!

I should have gotten myself a bottle of whiskey or something, maybe a new watch or a pair of sneakers. I didn’t think about it when I was at the mall but now I think it would have been nice to treat myself a little. I don’t even feel like waking up, I want to sleep a bit before this house gets crowded, we are a family of few people but trust me when all of us are here we get wild, especially the kids. We are the loudest bunch I’ve ever met. We sing, dance, shout and insult like it’s no one’s business… Something smells good, I love that smell. My wife might be cooking, it’s still early but this is Fezile when she wants to do something she does it. Oh here she comes with a dish of warm water and that dishcloth. I wash and dry my hands and give her the dish, she goes back to the kitchen and comes back with a tray covered with a net cloth. I look at her while accepting the tray and then remove the cloth to see what’s underneath it, oh yeah she made me breakfast, In bed. I smile and look at her again. “MaMphemba, Sompisi omuhle” I say,I do that now and again, call her by her clan names especially when I’m happy. She comes closer and sits on the bed she puts her hand just above my left knee I feel my body getting warmer she looks at me, I look at her. She’s got the most beautiful eyes in the whole universe. “Thank you, I love you” I say I can already feel my underwear getting tighter. She smiles and looks down at her feet. This breakfast is mouth watering, the sunny side up eggs and sausages are tasty, the toasted brown bread and midium steak just the way I like it. I’ve never liked lettuce and tomatoes but today I’m going to eat and finish it, I need something to drink, great. She brought oros. I love this woman she always knows what I need Sometimes even before I realize that I need it. I’m done. “Please pass me the bag” I say wiping my mouth and hands with the cloth she used to cover the tray, why is she smiling? But then again she already knows what might be in the bag. I take out the small white envelope with a red bow rebbon and hand it over to her. “Happy mother’s day my love” I say. It’s not national mother’s day, it’s only hers and hers alone. On this day five years ago she made me a father and she became a mother to the most handsome, handful , mischievous and straight up rebellious young man ever. My heir. And if that means buying her a gift every now and then for the rest of my life then so be it. “A shopping voucher! Thank you!” She says. Hew! She likes it I must thank James later for his last minute magic. I knew I wanted to buy her a gift just that I didn’t know what to buy then James thought a gift voucher would be better than giving her cash. ‘it’s the thought that counts’ he said, he is good with this stuff I wonder why he is single. “So you like it?” I ask just to be sure. “I love it!” She says holding the envelope to her chest with both hands. “I love you too” she also says leaning towards me, We kiss. A baby kiss? Really? This woman! “He is awake, he’s going to walk in here any minute from now” she says. She’s talking about Mnqobi, the first thing he does when he wakes up is to come bother us here. “Lock the door” I whisper. Silence. And then we burst into laughter. I didn’t mean that but I do want to touch and love my wife in peace without worrying about a five year old walking in on us. I paid cows, goats and rands to have unlimited access to that vagina. Which reminds me I have something else to give to her, she looks at me and the smile fades it must be because of the brown A4 envelope in my hands or the fact that I’m no longer smiling either, this is something I thought about a few years ago and then left it, but now I think I’m ready to do it. I hand over to her the second envelope, she looks at me again, more like her eyes are piercing through mine, she’s trying to read my emotions and I’m not going to show her how I feel about this partly because I don’t know how I feel about it, it’s a big step. She looks at the envelope and then me and then the envelope “Please open it” I say. She opens it slowly, I hear a deep sigh. She reads the first page, actually no, she’s not reading more like looking at it and quickly turns on to the next page and the next , she’s done. I’m nervous now I don’t know what she’s thinking, what’s she’s going to say. She’s biting her lower lip. “When did you decide about this?” She asks, that I wasn’t expecting. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, I asked Zweli to draw up the paperwork” I say. Zweli Sokhulu is one of our lawyers. “So what do you say?” I ask she must give me an answer already I hate being in the dark. “You are giving me 10% ownership of the business. How can I say no to that?” She says , she looks excited. I love it when she’s happy infact that’s what I live for, what I work for to make her happy. “I’m a shareholder!! We’re are cashing in!” She screams a little louder, I’d forgotten she loves money. I love this gold digging , ratchet side of hers she’s from Folweni after all. While she’s in her moment we lock eyes, she knows what I want and I have a feeling she’s going to give it to me, she walks to the door and locks it, unties her robe and stands facing me with her Left hand on her hips and her front body fully exposed. I’m already on my feet in my white brief underwear, eye contact still maintained. She points me to to the only chair in this room, I sit and watch as she slowly walks towards me my heart is pounding faster, my knees are getting weaker. She sits facing me with her legs on either side of me careful not to break it remember I already have an eiffel tower down there or shall I say the Zulu tower, our chests meet, then our foreheads and our lips lock, I wrap my left arm around her waist and pick her up “Not so fast Mageba” She whispers in my ear and that alone makes me even harder. She slides down until she is on her knees, I feel a warm hand in between my butt and underwear she’s pulling it down to my ankles, another hand in my sack “Did you hear that?” She whisper, “mmm” I can’t talk, not when she’s got my balls in her hands. “Happy besday to you, happy besday to you…” I hear a voice singing from outside the bedroom. But I don’t care I pull her hair back with my right hand. “Happy besday to you… Mami! Baba! Knock knock” says the little voice from out side. What! Fuck! No no no! This kid can’t do this. “I’m coming” She says rushing to the closet, she comes back with my pyjama pants and hand them to me like I’m supposed to take them. She’s already wearing a dress. She moves to stand next to the door. This is so unfair! I have no choice but to wear these pants and go back to sit on the bed. Why is she looking at me like that? Nxx! I forgot to pick up the underwear on the floor. She quickly picks it up and toss it in her dress pocket, she then opens the door, ahha this little warrior comes in running and throws himself on me. “Baba it’s my happy besday to you today, right?” He asks “Yes you have grown so much! You are going to be as big as me! ” I say. Fezile has disappeared to I don’t know where so it’s just me and my mini-me alone in this bedroom, he looks just like Thobani, but then nothing strange about that because Thobani looks like me and I look like my father whom people say he looked like his father and it goes all the way back…”Where is the cake?” He asks again. “You will eat it with your cousins at the party” I say I didn’t even see that cake myself but all I had to do was pay and Fezile took care of the rest. “Where is the party?” He asks. The thing is he can ask a million questions if you entertain his madness but I’m glad he hasn’t asked me ‘where babies come from?’ or shit like that. Oh I have a good idea how I’m going to stop this Q&A session of ours. “I have a gift for you” I say walking to the closet and coming back with a bag “Here, happy birthday my boy” I say giving him the bag he opens it fast. “Wakanda for ever!” He screams , screaming is normal in this household. And yeah after a mini-fight with the Ackermans store manager who kept on suggesting that I should buy Spiderman or Ben 10 pyjamas because kids like them I managed to get him Black Panther pyjamas. He wants to fit them, Err no can do because as soon as he puts them on he won’t want to take them off. “Go tell Mami to help you” I say and off he goes. I need to bath.

Yeah it’s really a party, too busy for a party of a five year old but if my wife thinks this is good then this is good. I see a lot of kids on the jumping castle, too many cars parked in the yard and outside the gate. “Beautiful isn’t it?” That’s my wife she says holding my hand, “it is, you are also beautiful” I say. She has a doek on her head and she’s wearing a beautiful white dress “Everyone is here, Sonto and Bheki are late as usual” she says. Nomasonto is her younger sister who is soon to be married to Bheki Mchunu, a gentleman from the near UThukela side of KZN. They have two kids, a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. My wife thinks Bheki is ‘creepy’ and I don’t understand why, he is a Brentwood, carvela and leather jacket wearing man who never smiles with the ladies for nothing, he loves kids too much and he drives a Toyota 4×4. Nothing creepy about that. Her sister is a stay at home mom , she’s only 26 years old by the way. “Oh and Thobani came with someone” she says looking excited. I don’t really care I knew that Thobani would bring the whole UKZN squad for free beer and food. “He said he wanted to introduce her to you” she also says. Whatever,Wait! What? Did she just say ‘her’? “Hi bhuti, sis’Fez” it’s Thobani he is standing in front of us. “Hi” I say, I don’t know why but I’m suddenly angry. “Bhuti I’d like you to meet someone”-Thobani say while holding a hand of this young girl who looks terrified in her short dress. “Someone who has no name?” I didn’t mean to ask that my mouth just ran on it’s own. I don’t understand the look my wife is giving me. “Her name is Nancy, thanks for coming”- Fezile says giving her a hug, she smiles, she is beautiful although she looks too young to be at a boyfriend’s home being introduced to the elders, yes with both our parents gone, I’m the elder. “Welcome young lady” I say shaking her hand, she shakes mine reluctantly. “Thanks for doing him a favour” I say, they all look confused. “For giving him a chance, he was lonely” I also say, they all laugh, okay good. Honestly I don’t know if she is number 1 or number 25 all I know is that there is plenty of women Thobani is sleeping with but I just had to say something to make up for the awkward moment that I created. “Sis you look beautiful! How far are you?” that’s Sonto. Screams and hugs. I’m used to it. Thobani and his girlfriend have disappeared. “9 weeks” – Fezile. “I brought wine , sorry for you” she says waving a bottle of red wine I hear gulps from my wife, she must be trying to remind Sonto that I’m standing right next to them. “I mean I feel sorry for Phindile, you don’t drink anyway”- Sonto , she’s such a bad lier. I know about their wine shenanigans. “Guess what he bought her this year?” -Phindile, I don’t know where she came from. She’s their eldest sister, two years older than Fezile and a decade younger than Zolani. Their parents had four children, 1 boy and 3 girls. “Necklace? Or Victoria secret new collection? Okay a book?” -Sonto, she’s trying to guess “it’s a shopping voucher” -Fezile . “A 20k shopping voucher!” -Phindile. Sonto looks shocked. And then screams and hugs. So all of them love money now I know. “Galleria here we come!” -Sonto. “We were there last week I was thinking we should go to Pavilion” – Fezile. They are walking away and I’m left standing here. Oh now I see, they are actually trying to avoid Bheki. Here he comes. He is wearing a light blue Brentwood, a white shirt, dark blue carvela and he has a white towel perfectly folded and placed on his right shoulder. Nkandla come alive! “My King” -Bheki , that’s his greeting “Macingwane , welcome” I say reaching for a hand shake. “I brought a gift”- Bheki. He says handing me a bag, it’s a bottle, sminorff 1818. “Thank you” I say , we are now walking to the back yard. “How are the kids? I hope they are behaving.”- Bheki. Err dude I was about to ask where are your kids? Why are you asking them from me? “They are doing okay, they are playing with the rest” I say. “Yeah, They slept at their aunt’s last night “- Bheki. That aunt would be Phindile because they were not here with Fezile and I. So the kids must have come earlier with her, okay. The men are all this side, I see a few familiar faces, James, Zolani, Thobani. Now I wonder where his girl is? There’s also our neighbors and a lot of guys who are Thobani’s age if not younger. There’s enough drinks for the whole Umlazi. I’m just going to put this bottle away and come back to join the gents… Six hours later the party is still going on. We ate, drank, danced and had fun. “Bhuti there’s something I would like to tell you” – Thobani say as he walks in the lounge, he looks nervous. I hope he is not about to tell me that this girl is pregnant! I hope. “Come sit here” – I say pointing him to the couch opposite mine. He sits. “Bhuti, the SRC president just resigned. I’ve been elected to run for the presidency” He says. He is dead serious. To say I’m shocked would be an understatement. “The VC says I would make a great candidate. I want to try and see.”- He says. I was about to ask what he thinks? “You would make a great president Ndabezitha” I mean it. His ability to put everyone else before himself is unmatched. He seems relieved. In walks Fezile and Nancy, I’m surprised I still remember her name, she is now wearing Fezile’s old dress. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought what she was wearing earlier was inappropriate. “Everyone has left. The kids are asleep” -Fezile says walking to the kitchen. The girl is standing here, again looking nervous. I go to the bedroom and come back. “Bring it back tomorrow” I say handing him my car keys. He seems surprised but quickly accepts the keys. Now that he’s found a sense of direction in life I must buy him his own car, nothing big, a Polo Vivo maybe. I was beginning to think that I failed at raising him. Our father died when he was only 2 years old, I was 12. So I practically raised him as the only male figure in his life. He going to be a damn president. Somebody congratulate me I did well y’all.

“Thank you, Mageba” My wife says as she gets in bed, What is she thanking me for? I sit up , my back against the headboard. “For your unconditional love, not just for me but for the whole family” She says. Actually I’ve noticed that a lot. When we are in Umhlanga, Bheki and his family feel like they don’t belong there. When we are in Umbumbulu (Bheki’s home) The Umhlanga English speaking bunch feel out of place. It’s only when we are here that everyone feels included and welcome. “We are family my love, we should love one another” I say kissing her forehead. We cuddle. Her phone rings, she looks at it and turns the screen to show me who is calling. It’s Zolani. I know he is her brother but why is he calling her so late? He was here during the day. “Bhuti ” -Fezile answers. “Fezile, how are you?” -Zolani “I’m good, just tired”- Fezile, We are so close to each other I can hear Zolani speaking on the other side even though the phone is not on loud speaker. I hope he is not about to put his nose in our business. “How long has this been happening? How long has he been hitting you?” – Zolani. WTF! What’s wrong with him? I feel my wife move, I hold her tighter. “It only happened once” -Fezile says after a deep sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me?” -Zolani. Okay this man is overstepping his mark. Fezile keeps quiet. This is really awkward. “Bhutiza , my husband and I had an argument, it was nothing much and I didn’t tell you for the same reason I didn’t tell nobody, I’m his wife and I can’t share our family matters with everyone” -Fezile. Why does this response make me happy? “He is a good man” -Zolani. Thank you I’m not a monster. “But you are my sister and I don’t want any of you to feel unhappy or unprotected” – Zolani. He should have stopped at ‘He is a good man’ and he has to finish now. ” I love him, Bhutiza, I know he loves me too, He make me happy and he protects me”- Fezile says there’s something about the way she says this, it’s like her heart is speaking and not just her mouth. They say their goodbyes. This has to be one of the most awkward moments of my life. So much is going through my mind, I am partly happy that she didn’t tell her sisters, because you know family never forgives but also if she didn’t tell Zolani then who did? But that can wait. I have something to tell my wife. “I will never hit you ever again, I’m sorry I did” I say. This is not just a promise I’m making to her but it’s one I’m making to myself. I can’t be the face of ‘Men are Trash’ I refuse to be…

I’m woken up by the sound coming from outside, it’s like someone is trying to scream but can’t, I’m tip toeing out of the bedroom I was careful not to wake my wife up. The sound is coming from the garage, it’s like a woman is trying to scream but has a hand on her mouth so she can’t scream louder. I’m just going to open this passage door that connects the garage to the whole house. Nxx! I should have known! This bastard and his shady ways. I gave him the car so he can take his girlfriend home. Not to have sex in it. And this bitch! Busy screaming like they are alone in this house. This is my house! Actually let me just bang this door and go back to sleep. *Bang!*

Is that? I think it is. Let me drive slowly just to check if she is waiting for someone. It’s just after 6:10am and I’m driving off to grab a quick bite at McDonald’s after dropping off the guards at the hospital. She is now walking, alone carrying what looks like a disposable cup . I look at the time again it’s now 6:15am. It’s summer so the sun is out and shinning already but there are no people walking around. “You can’t walk alone like that so early in the morning, you are going to get mugged” I say after rolling down the van window. She looks at me once and carry on walking. “Come, let me take you to the hospital” I say. “No thanks” she says, she doesn’t even turn this time. Oh there’s a bus stop here, good. I pull over and quickly step out of the van. I’m standing in front of her, she is beautiful. “Good morning Dr Ntuli I’m responsible for safety at the hospital where you work can I offer you a lift?” I’m trying to be polite, she’s a doctor after all. “I know who you are…” “Then let me drive you to work, it’s really not safe for you here” I say I’m serious. “For me? Let me guess, because I’m a woman” she says sounding offended I don’t understand why. “No, just this morning a bunch of dirty guys wanted to rob an old woman over there” I say pointing at… I don’t know what that is, a tree maybe. She looks freaked out. I could laugh but I want her to take me seriously. “If you don’t want to get in the van then I’ll just walk you down to the hospital and come back to get it” I say. A drive is only five minutes, if we walk it would probably take us up to 15min, but who cares. She shakes her head and walks towards the passenger seat, I run and open the door for her she seems shocked like she wasn’t expecting me to. “So you always give a lift to strangers?” She asks as she puts her seatbelt on. Errr yeah if the stranger is a yellow bone doctor, who is all kinds of fine with bold eyes and I want to propose love to her, marry her, make love to her and have kids with her as in yesterday. “You are not a stranger” I’m serious. “But I do give a lift to people if they ask for it or if I feel like they are in danger” I say. She smiles. She has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. We are here already, that was fast. I drive her all the way to the doctors’ parking lot. “So you like tea?” I ask. “Coffee” she says jumping out of the van, she walks around to my side. “Thank you Mageba” she says, I smile. Everyone here calls me like that but there is something about her tone and the way she says it, it’s different, it makes my heart pound faster. “So what time are you knocking off?” I ask. She laughs like she was expecting me to ask then she walks away with her phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. I sit here and watch as she walks to what I’ve figured is the kitchen… Goddamn!

“Boss it’s 12 o’clock” someone says. “Mr S!” It’s James. “You said I must let you know when it’s 12 o’clock” he continues. “Oh yes, thank you Hussein” I say I must have dozed off. I’m leaving the office early today. I only came because James and I had to finalize the construction of a new car spare shop plan otherwise I wouldn’t have come at all. My wife is coming home today so the plan is to go to town and buy her a new laptop, take it home and drive to her mother’s house to pick her up before driving to pre-school to fetch Mnqobi. We went to see her last Thursday and she was fine, the doctor said. Thobani waited in the parking lot while I was inside and then I had to quickly drive him to university before the exam started. She was discharged on Friday and on our way home she decided that she wanted to go to her mother’s house in Folweni. The whole weekend I’ve been alone in that house, on Saturday I went to Folweni to see her but she wouldn’t come outside the gate. I spent the whole day there only to get offered a plate of food and a can of Sprite by Mnqobi. I know she sent him, I could have just put my son in the car and drove back home but then I know better than to use him in our fight and yesterday I wanted to visit my uncle (my mother’s brother) but then I changed my mind mainly because almost every time I go there since I got married I’m always accompanied by my wife, I know he was going to ask where she is? It’s supposed to be spring but it still gets cold in some days, like today. Good. Game is not over crowded today I’m in and out in a few minutes. I must also buy flowers, a peace offering of some sort I’m thinking, they say women love them. It’s been a while since I’ve had to drive to and from town during the day and I must say it’s awesome, no traffic, no noise. The door is slightly open, Thobani didn’t say he was going to be here… But then again he doesn’t tell me everything. The house looks spotless and it smells fresh I stand by the door for seconds but then I remember I still need to get going. I go to the bedroom, put the laptop bag and flowers on top of the dressing table. I must grab a beer in the fridge, I swear I’ve got the best tasting savanna there is out there. While I quaff my bottle I suddenly fell presence behind me, I turn around and we face each other. It’s my wife she is standing leaning on the cupboard and I’m standing here with my back against the fridge. Silence. “How are you feeling?” I ask after a long while. She just stands there and says nothing. “I missed you, it’s good to have you back” I say again. I didn’t understand just yesterday and the day before even this morning I knew exactly what I was going to say to her. I had it all worked out even the best quotes and a few bible verses about love and forgiveness but now that she is standing in front of me I don’t know what to say. It’s like I’m looking at a stranger. The distance between us is physically about 10 square meters but emotionally we are miles apart and it hurts. “I’m sorry… Deeply sorry my love” I say. She hasn’t said anything. She is just looking at my feet with a shower cap on her head, she is wearing a pinafore and she has a dishcloth on her shoulder.

I am driving back from the car wash, it’s just after 6pm and this traffic is horrible I already had a long day at work with James being absent and I’m not looking forward to arriving home, it doesn’t feel like home these days. Yesterday my wife eventually spoke to me after what seemed like a year and a half. She only gave me one word answers to everything I had to ask. We slept in one bed and she literally freaked out when I tried to touch her. I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee and she wasn’t in bed, I found her sleeping in one of the guest rooms. There’s light coming from the kitchen window so she must be home. She is here, I don’t see Mnqobi. “Sawubona Nkosikazi (my dear wife)” I say. “Good evening” she says, she could sound warmer but I’ll take that at least she’s talking tonight. “He’s asleep” She also says when she sees me looking around, I nod. I stand here looking at her eyes she looks at mine, looks down and back at them again. She is gorgeous. “I’ll make you a sandwich while you take a bath, the food is not ready yet” she says. I nod and walk to the bedroom I leave my bag, jacket and car keys then back to the lounge, she walks in with a plate of two sandwiches and a glass of Sprite she puts it on the coffee table. “Thank you” I say. She walks back to… “Fezile I’m sorry that I hit you.” I say she stops, turns around and sits on the couch in front of me. There is a coffee table between us. “It will never happen again, it shouldn’t have happened to begin with” I continue. I want her to say something or cry even, I want a reaction of some sort. I hear a deep sigh “You really hurt me you know that?” She says. Okay I don’t have an answer to that one so I keep quiet. “I felt like I didn’t know who you were, like I didn’t mean anything to you” She says. “You are my world Fez. My everything” I say, how can she doubt that? I look at her she is weeping I quickly jump to sit next to her seeing her crying breaks my heart especially when I know for sure that I’m responsible for her pain “We are going to get through this my love, we are stronger than this” I say. I want to touch her but then I don’t want her to freak out again, I feel her head leaning on my chest okay now I can hold her. I feel complete with her in my arms I’m holding on to her for dear life… “Mami I want juice” he says standing in front of us. WTF! He should be asleep kids his age are dreaming at this time and since when does he ‘want’ things in my house? “Say that again” I say looking at him “May I please have juice? Please?” He says okay he can have it, he is not suppose to but he is asking nicely. My wife looks at me “I’ll wake him up” I say while she walks to the kitchen I will go ahead and take a hot shower.

I walk into the bedroom with just a towel covering my lower body I put my phone on the dressing table. Yes I took my phone with me when I went to the shower, it’s mine. I turn to get the lotion and she walks in. “He’s asleep again I think he was just thirsty” she says walking towards the mirror. “He’s not the only one who is thirsty” I say wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and kissing her neck, she giggles. I love it when she laughs. She turns around and we face each other with her hands wrapped around my neck and mine around her waist. “Let me love you” I whisper it’s been over a week since I held her in my arms and my body can’t hold itself any longer. We kiss, it’s a long passionate kiss I put my hands under her gown she moves hers from my neck and I’m able to take it off and drop it on the floor. I look at her standing here with just two pieces of lace covering her body, she is gorgeous. We are back to kissing again, she is walking backwards to the bed and I have one hand undoing her bra and another pulling the towel off me. She lands on the bed on her back and I’m on top of her. She let’s my lips run through every part of her beautiful body…her neck, chest, stomach, belly button. That doctor has some explaining to do there is no way there is a baby under these abs, if it’s there it’s suffocating. My lips are on her thighs, I take off her panties and I go down again. “mmmmm” she has been moaning and twisting all along I’m back on top of her but she screams and freaks out almost bumping my nose with her forehead it’s like she just saw something wrong. “It’s me Fez, it’s your husband” I whisper. I know what just happened, she just had a flash back, the last man she saw naked was him on top of her in that video. She’s lying on her back as I try to enter her but her body is stiff “Please let me in my love… Look at me, it’s me” I plead , whispering. I feel her body loosen up I move slowly, inner, freely I feel her hands digging on my back. My body is going to betray me I can feel it. I try to pull back but she holds me tighter, I hump faster she let’s lose I quickly pull out and go down on my knees again I let my tongue do the work for a while before I’m back in and it only takes three pushes before I feel her body trembling just as I also let go… We hold to each other for a while. “I love you” I manage to say after catching my breath I’m looking at her she is trying to say something but I can’t hear what so I read her lips “I love you too” that’s what I can make out.

I’ve just come back to bed from waking up Mnqobi to go pee and I put him back to his bed, yep that’s what you get for wanting juice after 8pm when you are only 5 years old. Tomorrow it’s his birthday party and everyone will be here, my wife and I are okay now we’ve survived yet another storm. I have a feeling that this topic is now closed in this family and no one will ever ask me how much it hurt me. Especially since the person who suggested it died two years ago. I guess this joins the list of all the things I’ve had to forgive without really getting an apology.